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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 24 months is too early for nursery?

112 replies

RubyEmma212121 · 17/05/2022 19:48

My ds had his second day at nursery. He had two settling in sessions which he loved and enjoyed.

He did 9am to 1pm yesterday and was beaming when I picked him up full of smiles and said goodbye to everyone.

Today he did a long day 8am to 1pm. When I picked him up he seemed disorientated and distressed. His eyes were red raw and they said he'd been crying non stop ever since lunch asking for mummy over and over again.

I asked him if he wanted to go back when we got home and he keeps saying no nursery.

Is this normal? He seemed so happy before so not sure what's changed? Is the new environment no longer exciting and now he realised I'm not there and is experiencing a seperarion anxiety. I asked if anything happened and they said no.

AIBU for having a wobble about leaving him now?

OP posts:
InChocolateWeTrust · 17/05/2022 20:07

Two is a worse age to settle a child in childcare than one. I think it's a bigger leap to take a toddler not used to any childcare straight to a busy nursery rather than perhaps a quieter childminder.

At two they have formed strong attachments to mummy and are used to being with you. Also it's only the second day, you haven't given him any time to form a bond with a keyworker there?

My child went to a CM at 1. Started nursery school at 2.5. Walked in happily on the first day and loves it.

cptartapp · 17/05/2022 20:08

Mine went part time at four and five months respectively.
And I didn't even have to go back to work!
Now at uni. All fine.

wpse · 17/05/2022 20:09

Totally agree but there's people on here that sent their babies to nursery at 6 weeks and proclaim it was the best thing ever for the baby. They actually believe an infant can socialise.

wotwududo · 17/05/2022 20:10

It's still new and he's adjusting. Two settling in session is not a lot. I would persevere and ask for feedback on how he's doing. It's normal to have a blip after first few sessions as reality that this is every day kicks in. If in a few weeks/month he's still struggling you could consider a childminder or nanny but he's already going through one upheaval I wouldn't rush to start another.

Beees · 17/05/2022 20:12

wpse · 17/05/2022 20:09

Totally agree but there's people on here that sent their babies to nursery at 6 weeks and proclaim it was the best thing ever for the baby. They actually believe an infant can socialise.

What nonsense I challenge you to find any evidence of this. Ffs no one is sending their 6 week old to socialise, they would be sending their 6 week old for childcare because they don't have the luxery of staying home with them.

wotwududo · 17/05/2022 20:12

The reaction to the title is funny. 20 years ago when my dd went to school, nursery was something for 3+ and I knew nobody who sent a child younger than 2. If child care was required people use childminders/family.

Original poster
RubyEmma212121 · 17/05/2022 20:13

@Notquiteoneanddone thank you, do you know how to ask MN to do this? I've tried to have a look but can't figure it out 😫

OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 17/05/2022 20:13

I only got 6 weeks paid maternity leave so my eldest child went to the childminder full time starting at 9 weeks old, and was happy and well adjusted.

No, your child isn't any more special than everyone else's and isn't too young for nursery.

ecnatsid · 17/05/2022 20:13

Mine went at 4 months due to my working circumstances.......

SpaceyCake · 17/05/2022 20:15

2 years is fine. It's only been a couple of days but he'll get used to it. Mine was always unsettled for a little bit after changing rooms at nursery but he settled in the end and enjoyed it.

MrsR87 · 17/05/2022 20:15

Obviously he’s not too young. Think of how many parents have no choice but to send their little ones to nursery from as young as five or six months.
My DS stated when he was 11 months. I hated the first few weeks but had no choice. I work full time, my MIL loves 100 miles away and my mum has chemo every day and so as much as she would love to is too weak to look after him. It took him about three weeks to settle in properly and now he loves it. He’s 18 months now and when you mention the name of one of his friends from his room, his face lights up. He’s a real social little boy and with being born during COVID that’s a good thing for me.
Do I feel guilty that he’s in nursery for full days every day, absolutely but with my circumstances I have no other choice but I feel lucky as he does genuinely enjoy it and doesn’t give me a second glance back when I drop him off now.

Give home a bit more time to settle, two days is nothing.

InChocolateWeTrust · 17/05/2022 20:15

Wpse theres a huge difference betweena 6 week old baby and a 2 year old.

Even at just turned 2 children will be starting to play alongside, communicate with each other, practise turn taking etc. They'll enjoy painting and sandpit and all the other activities at nursery which a 6 week old is oblivious of.

Sherrystrull · 17/05/2022 20:16

wpse · 17/05/2022 20:09

Totally agree but there's people on here that sent their babies to nursery at 6 weeks and proclaim it was the best thing ever for the baby. They actually believe an infant can socialise.

Most people have no choice. What an ignorant post.

TomDaleysCardigan · 17/05/2022 20:16

YABU for saying 24 months for a 2 year old and calling 8-1 a long day.

Notquiteoneanddone · 17/05/2022 20:17

If you press the three dots there should be an option to report your post. Just add a comment to please change the title to X and they should do it for you

PinkSyCo · 17/05/2022 20:17

roarfeckingroarr · 17/05/2022 20:04

Two years?

You think most people have the luxury of 2 whole years at home with their babies?

You think those of us who had to use childcare are harming our kids?

Seriously, do one.

For what it's worth, my 19 month old who went at 11 months is very well adjusted and loves nursery. Maybe you harmed yours by not giving them space to grow and explore with kids their own age younger.

It’s not necessarily a luxury to stay at home with your kids. Some mums work minimum wage jobs so it just makes more economic sense for them to look after their DCs themselves.

wpse · 17/05/2022 20:17

@Sherrystrull

Touched a nerve I assume?

How old were you dc when you sent them to nursery?

MatildaTheCat · 17/05/2022 20:18

Is this a childcare situation or an opportunity for DS to socialise and have fun?

If it’s childcare you simply have to persevere. He will get used to it. After his second day he was probably tired and had a bit of a lightbulb moment that this ‘fun’ experience wasn’t a one off.

If it’s for social purposes you should still persevere and see how he gets on. My DS went to playgroup at 2.5 and simply wouldn’t settle. After a few weeks the leaders suggested he wasn’t ready and we dropped it. When he went to proper school nursery at 3+ he still found it hard to settle and had separation anxiety but it passed and he’s now an extremely confident and non traumatised young man.

Talk to the staff and hang in there.

CandyLeBonBon · 17/05/2022 20:18

My middle ds would not be left. After months of trying to settle him, it didn't work so I changed my working life (had the fortunate capacity to work freelance and my own hours, so ended up working a lot when they were in bed and sleeping very little). This need to be close to me/home, lasted to a varying degree, until he was about 10/11.

Of my three kids, he is now the most independent and can't wait to make his mark on the world.

It's tough to see past their tears at this age, but what works for one doesn't work for all and I had to take a different approach for all of mine.

It's early days OP. Give it a couple of weeks at least - it's all very new.

Mally100 · 17/05/2022 20:19

roarfeckingroarr · 17/05/2022 20:04

Two years?

You think most people have the luxury of 2 whole years at home with their babies?

You think those of us who had to use childcare are harming our kids?

Seriously, do one.

For what it's worth, my 19 month old who went at 11 months is very well adjusted and loves nursery. Maybe you harmed yours by not giving them space to grow and explore with kids their own age younger.

Well this. What do you think millions of people do???

Sherrystrull · 17/05/2022 20:20

@wpse

Not at all. I'm happy in my decision to work and send my children to nursery at 10 months old. I understand that others didn't have the choices I've had.

Try showing some empathy.

Treacletoots · 17/05/2022 20:20

Nope. You've left it too long TBH! DD went at 6 months full time pretty much and was really happy there, she's not known any different.

She's now aged 5 and one of the most confident, sociable children in her class.

Beees · 17/05/2022 20:20

wpse · 17/05/2022 20:17

@Sherrystrull

Touched a nerve I assume?

How old were you dc when you sent them to nursery?

Why would you think you've touched a nerve for that poster. It's absolutely nonsensical to think it's down to choice, no parent willingly chooses to send their 6 week old to nursery because they feel like it or as you so stupidly put it, to socialise.

CandyLeBonBon · 17/05/2022 20:21

CandyLeBonBon · 17/05/2022 20:18

My middle ds would not be left. After months of trying to settle him, it didn't work so I changed my working life (had the fortunate capacity to work freelance and my own hours, so ended up working a lot when they were in bed and sleeping very little). This need to be close to me/home, lasted to a varying degree, until he was about 10/11.

Of my three kids, he is now the most independent and can't wait to make his mark on the world.

It's tough to see past their tears at this age, but what works for one doesn't work for all and I had to take a different approach for all of mine.

It's early days OP. Give it a couple of weeks at least - it's all very new.

I should say, he's now 17!

33goingon64 · 17/05/2022 20:22

DS2 cried every day when I left him at nursery (2 full days per week) for the first 2 years he was there. What were my options? Not work? It's awful leaving a crying child but sometimes you have to. Staff told me he always enjoyed himself and he was happy when collected. Be positive, smile, talk about the lovely things about nursery. Don't ASK him whether he wants to go back! You're the adult. He will develop resilience from this experience.

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