Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about people getting my age old

90 replies

Yorkie88 · 16/05/2022 21:00

My DH tells me to shut up about this but I'm so upset about a comment at work today. Someone said "he's about our age, early 40s maybe" to me.

I'm 36.

Thing is I'm a new director of the company and am much younger than the other directors (not being a dick or boasting but my DH says this is why). I'm trying to take comfort in that. But in truth it's happened a few times before socially. People aging me 5+ years.

I look knackered as work full time with two kids under three. And a useless DH. But I can't see many wrinkles. I don't know. I feel so depressed about it.

We are meant to be saving for a house move but I want to book secret botox. There is nothing wrong looking like you're in your forties but its 5 - 8 years old than I actually am.

OP posts:
TheNeverEndingOver · 16/05/2022 21:02

Why does it have to be secret Botox, can’t you just tell your husband you’re having Botox?

Original poster
Yorkie88 · 16/05/2022 21:07

I can't even write today. I meant to say "getting my age wrong". God today is not my day.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 16/05/2022 21:09

Do YOU think you look older than you are? If you want botox just get Botox. How much of a dead weight is your husband? That might take some years off…

Tigergirl37 · 16/05/2022 21:15

It's completely understandable that this would play on your mind @Yorkie88 Turn it into a positive and a prompt to take action if you feel it's something you want for you and you can afford it. Go and get a treatment done. It doesn't have to be Botox - most good salons offering skincare do non-surgical facelifts, peels etc which may just boost your confidence. Even a new moisturiser with retinol (start with small percentages) would improve your skin tone perhaps with a new foundation/BB cream. As I said there are things you could do if you feel that due to young children and work pressures you haven't had the time to prioritise yourself. I agree that people probably do see your job title and assume you must be older to have got there so perhaps take the compliment.

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/05/2022 21:17

Absolutely get some Botox op - you will look and feel so much better for it. Maybe consider the future of the useless DH too….

FrankGrillosFloof · 16/05/2022 21:22

If I said to someone ‘he’s about our age, early 40s maybe’, I would mean he’s about our age (ie mid 30s) or perhaps early 40s. I’d be expressing 2 options.

Libre2 · 16/05/2022 21:24

I got let into an over 40s swim session once - I was 27!!! I feel your pain.

rainyskylight · 16/05/2022 21:25

rather than jumping to expensive and invasive treatments, could you try shifting around your life a little to prioritise your health and wellbeing? It sounds like you need a bit of R&R rather than botox!

HollowMollows · 16/05/2022 21:29

I think your dh is right. I don't think people examine your face that thoroughly to base their judgment on but they will roughly estimate it by where you are in life.

I've got the opposite. I'm 44 but I have two young children (under 5) and am relatively junior at my job. I probably also act quite clueless. People always think I'm in my mid thirties.

I definitely don't look young. I've got tons of grey hair, crap skin, am overweight in a way that makes me look old and I dress old as well. If I'm without the kids or outside work people get my age right.

If you want to get Botox then by all means do it but not based on what some people at work are saying. It most probably has got nothing to do with your actual looks.

ObjectionHearsay · 16/05/2022 21:29

It might not be the way look, but the way you act.

So I'm early 30's but people always age me up in professional settings. I go to Tesco and get ID'ed for alcohol still and socially people think I'm mid 20's.

But if you do feel it's your appearance, then I'd say no harm in a little boost and self care, and if that's Botox for you, then why not.

Delatron · 16/05/2022 21:30

People are rubbish at guessing ages.

But working full time with 2 young children and a useless DH? You need to sort the DH out! He needs to do 50:50 of everything.

Stress can show up on the face. But you probably just need to look after yourself a bit better. Or they didn’t mean you looked 40!

CrackersDontMatter · 16/05/2022 21:32

My college tutor used to do this to me I was one of the older students but he'd lump me in with himself and say "When you are our age" etc. Except I was 32 and he was 53. It didn't stop until I pointed out that he was the same age as my dad.

Delatron · 16/05/2022 21:32

I don’t mind a bit of Botox for my frown lines but I’m older (46). If you don’t have lines and wrinkles then Botox won’t be what you need.

Retinol/Tretinoin is a good anti-aging step. Plus lots of SPF.

Mamapep · 16/05/2022 21:34

My husband is in his early 40s and I’m in my mid thirties .. we have friends ranging from early thirties to early forties - I kinda see them all as ‘our age’.

MissChanandlerBong80 · 16/05/2022 21:56

FrankGrillosFloof · 16/05/2022 21:22

If I said to someone ‘he’s about our age, early 40s maybe’, I would mean he’s about our age (ie mid 30s) or perhaps early 40s. I’d be expressing 2 options.

That’s how I read it too.

Runorsleep · 16/05/2022 21:57

Op , I’m a similar age to you but now m kids all sleep, they are still relatively young but primary age and youngest is 5. But three bad sleepers made me looks pretty old and exhausted for years. When I was pregnant with my last baby at 32 a woman at school made a comment , oh we are similar ages aren’t we as she was pregnant too” sortof tinkly laugh as she was an older pregnant mum (early 40’s) …. I told her my age and she acted all surprised but she was obviously projecting a bit or maybe I did look older. I’m still tired but nothing like it was in the early days and look better now with an 11 year old than 11 years ago with my first!

Original poster
Yorkie88 · 16/05/2022 21:58

Thank you for your reassuring messages. I'm trying to tell myself she wasn't implying she thinks I'm in my early 40s but sadly I know what she meant...she did look v awkward for a second afterwards and like she was going to say something but I just moved the conversation back to work.

I should have used SPF in my 20s. I do use retional now. I know there are more important things but I feel embarrassed

OP posts:
Mycatsgoldtooth · 16/05/2022 22:00

I feel your pain… a woman ten years older then me said it the other week. Can’t even have Botox as I’m still breast feeding.

JetBlackSteed · 16/05/2022 22:02

It might also be your position in work though.
where I work, a director under 40 would be unusual so maybe a throwaway remark that you've read too much into?

HairyScaryMonster · 16/05/2022 22:02

I do think being senior will make people assume you're older.

Original poster
Yorkie88 · 16/05/2022 22:03

I think possibly I'm so used to looking knackered (broken sleep for 3 years) and being run ragged that perhaps I'm used to the baggy eyes and in my head I'm still that pre covid childless woman but actually that's not what anyone else seen. I have been going into London recently and felt totally invisible (which is liberating actually) - but I guess I just feel like going back to work post kids and post covid and I feel totally different

OP posts:
RowanAlong · 16/05/2022 22:04

Can really recommend starflower oil for glowing skin! Maybe try that first before resorting to Botox?

shivermetimbers77 · 16/05/2022 22:05

People often assume others are a
similar age to them: it’s a psychological phenomenon and not a sign you look old OP.

Original poster
Yorkie88 · 16/05/2022 22:06

Thank you for humouring my vanity here. I'm watching the news about cost of living and wish I could delete this thread its so silly 🙄

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 16/05/2022 22:06

I would say around 40 is the same age bracket as 36. Don't take it personally