To be upset about people getting my age old

[Yorkie88]

My DH tells me to shut up about this but I'm so upset about a comment at work today. Someone said "he's about our age, early 40s maybe" to me.

I'm 36.

Thing is I'm a new director of the company and am much younger than the other directors (not being a dick or boasting but my DH says this is why). I'm trying to take comfort in that. But in truth it's happened a few times before socially. People aging me 5+ years.

I look knackered as work full time with two kids under three. And a useless DH. But I can't see many wrinkles. I don't know. I feel so depressed about it.

We are meant to be saving for a house move but I want to book secret botox. There is nothing wrong looking like you're in your forties but its 5 - 8 years old than I actually am.

Not the point of the thread but DH says people are "about our age" all the time. These people can be anywhere from mid thirties to mid forties. DH is 52. It's a father vague saying OP don't take it to heart. Do give your husband a good boot up the arse!

@shivermetimbers77 Ah my DH said that...that from 30 to 50, everyone just presumes people are the same age as themselves. Fingers crossed.

And yes take points about useless DH. He is actually 42 but looks 36. Hahaha. Its all that bloody beauty sleep he seems to get.

Also I also say 'about our age' when talking to DH and he's 10 years older than me haha

You probably look older in your professional work outfits and smart hair and probably look your age or younger in your ‘going out’ clobber. I’m in good shape for 36 and can pass for late 20s or about 40 depending on demeanour and clothing. I expect your face is fine. Check your hair isn’t aging you though, I look like a granny with mine scraped back and a teenager with it straight and floppy around my face because the only thing that ages me is a puffy jawline ( liked to party when I was younger and my son doesn’t let me sleep). We worry too much about these things .

Why is your DH useless?

Two things

1. your responsibility level at work might mean they assume you’re older even if you look younger


2. when i had young kids i looked a lot older due to tiredness and stress, it changed when my kids got older and i got more sleep etc

In my early to mid 30's I loved the fact I still looked like I was in my 20's. Had dc at 37, it went down hill from there. Weight gain, wrinkles, bags under my eyes. Now I look middle aged.

I don't think it is how you look that's causing these remarks, I think it is your seniority, and they are simply assuming that someone at director level will be of a certain age upwards.

Don't worry about it.

If I said to someone ‘he’s about our age, early 40s maybe’, I would mean he’s about our age (ie mid 30s) or perhaps early 40s. I’d be expressing 2 options.

Yes, it's an age range: mid 30s to early 40s.

I find it incredibly difficult to age people.

OP, I think it because of your job position rather than how old you look. I had my children in my late thirties and people always assumed I was 10 years younger than my actual age as my children were the same age as the mums who were much younger than me.

I would take it to mean you are confident and mature for your age. A lot of people in their mid 30s aren’t. Lots of people achieve the success you have in their early 40s.

I read someone once that people are quite bad at distinguishing faces that are 5 years or so apart. So 25/30 can look the same to them, same with 35/40

I think some of the reason for this is your position at work. As you are a director of a company maybe people think you are older? Please believe me, I look back at photos from my thirties and forties and can’t believe I thought that I looked older than I was. I wish I had appreciated that I looked good. I’m now early sixties and wish I had been aware then!

People always used to think I was in my early 20s
I got a promotion in my late 20s and was about 8-20 years younger than everyone else in my role. I also wasn’t respected as much as the other managers
so I consciously started acting a bit more mature, dressing ‘like a manager’ i got a bit more respect and suddenly people treated me like I was older, jnr staff members treated me like I was from a different generation. And I was presumed to be in my early 30s. It made me panic a bit at first but i know my looks didn’t change because I still got IDd any time I bought alcohol!

i think it’s just the context and the presumption that you must be older to have your job.

It’s definitely because you’re a Director! No-one wants to know that you’re actually really young! Think how many people will hate you then for being so successful!!
I spent most of my 20’s pretending to be at least 30 because I was a manager at work.

Do the people saying it look young for their age? I ask because I do, and I do this, because I see people who look like me and assume they are my age, forgetting that I'm lucky enough to look younger than I really am. I've probably offended people doing this as well.

About are oge is give or take a decade. You definitely have a chip on your shoulder. This is your issue.

Why is it a bad thing getting old? I'm in my 50s and have honestly never considered my age

Could it be that they're a bit older than you so assume you're roughly their age. I know it sounds ridiculous but I'm not very good at guessing the age of people younger than me. And also past a certain age I think you tend to lump people age groups together. For instance, I'm 60 and I don't feel that different from my friends who are seventy and my friends who are fifty.

Also, because you are successful at such a young age, that may influence people. Oh, and having young children makes you look knackered, but it's temporary. Are you getting outside help. If you can afford it, makes sure you make use of cleaners/gardeners/babysitters etc, especially if your DH doesn't step up. And, occasionally having a night away without the children or the husband works wonders. Just chilling, resting and reading/scrolling on your iPad is rejuvenating.

I think it's because of your job, you expect/assume someone is older so that's what you see. I've done a similar thing, at a work Xmas party. I was talking to a newish manager, all the other managers that level are 60+. I asked her if she had grandchildren and she was horrified! I looked closer and realised she was only about 45. She said her kid was 8. Cringe!

I am slightly younger then you. I have good friends late 20’s - early 40’s and use our age for all of them… I guess because we are all millenials and the same generation 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

@maddy68 There is nothing wrong with getting older and well done you for never considering your age.

However I'm seeking validation from strangers on the Internet to make myself feel better about the fact I'm clearly a baggy wrinkled prune.

Each to their own

Please don’t worry or be offended. I say ‘our age’ to my two colleagues who are the same level as me at work. One is in her 50s, I am 48 and the other is only 40. I know we are not all the same age, but I am just making a distinction between us and the junior members of staff in their 20s who have less experience usually. I think you are reading too much into. And well done for being a young Director, you should be proud not over analysing!

I’m 37 and wouldn’t personally be offended if someone in their early 40s was described as ‘about my age’. It’s only a few years older than me so I would say we are in roughly the same ballpark.

But sometimes we don’t get to choose what upsets us and it’s ok if you feel a bit sensitive about this right now. It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate and your useless husband needs to make some changes!

I’ll get flamed for this by those who value looking young above all else, but sometimes being taken for younger than your age at work isn’t a particularly good thing either. My dad has always looked quite youthful and he’s told me about many times in his career where people called him ‘young man’ when he was a senior partner or refused to believe he was in charge of meetings etc. if people are aging you up slightly at work it might say more about the respect they’re giving you and your seniority rather than how old they actually think you look. Most people are rubbish at judging ages anyway!

How is your posture. - straight backed people standing tall just appear younger imv. Lots of exercises on YouTube