To be upset about people getting my age old

[Yorkie88]

My DH tells me to shut up about this but I'm so upset about a comment at work today. Someone said "he's about our age, early 40s maybe" to me.

I'm 36.

Thing is I'm a new director of the company and am much younger than the other directors (not being a dick or boasting but my DH says this is why). I'm trying to take comfort in that. But in truth it's happened a few times before socially. People aging me 5+ years.

I look knackered as work full time with two kids under three. And a useless DH. But I can't see many wrinkles. I don't know. I feel so depressed about it.

We are meant to be saving for a house move but I want to book secret botox. There is nothing wrong looking like you're in your forties but its 5 - 8 years old than I actually am.

'about our age, early 40's' for me easily encompasses 35-45. I say 'our age' to friends 5 year's older or 5 year's younger than me. Our age is a broad statement as you get older whereas as a child it tends to me within a year of your age.

I really agree with this - I quite like being seen as middle aged at work sometimes (I'm early 30s) because I find I am respected more by students and their parents and colleagues and I'm not trying to attract anyone anyway. Outside work I dress a lot younger.

At places I've worked, at least, young colleagues get totally trodden on with menial time consuming tasks, but older staff don't put up with it and know how to say no. I really love being pigeon holed in the latter category

Oh who cares how old anyone looks? It's boring.

Yeah, I've had this a fair bit too. People age you by your circumstances. I also get lumped together with the other school parents but have never been bothered by it as they are about our age if you take that to mean the age where you're old enough to have a long term partner, house, and school age child without it raising eyebrows. It's just that's quite a large range! It also happens in supermarkets where I get asked for id without kids but never with.

It doesn't sound like she actually thinks you're older, otherwise she wouldn't have realised to look embarrassed for saying it. It does sound like you're feeling a bit delicate about aging plus lack of sleep plus useless husband, which is normal and unfortunately not solved by Botox.

You’re worrying over a small throwaway comment and Botox isn’t going to solve it. You’ll just end up throwing money away just because ‘someone’ said ‘something’, not the best reason to do anything.

I’m horrified that it’s become so entrenched in the beauty industry that it’s seen as a go-to solution and so many pps are saying ‘why not?’

I would be concentrating on your useless husband rather than Botox

Eh, get over it. It's not that awful looking a bit older than you are, and it sounds like they were associating your age with your job title anway, so it was an unwitting compliment if anything.

I kid myself i dont look my age then i pass a mirror...

be kind to yourself op, i bet you look fine you are young

When my last 2 dc were born i think I looked older for a while (was 36 at the time ) no bloody sleep no time to lose the weight

Once they were a bit older and sleeping better I managed to lose the weight and look younger again. I think young dc can take it out of you a bit!

That's not to say you look older !

It’s definitely just an age range! I don’t see a lot of difference between someone who is 36 and someone who is early 40s. I honestly think you might be reading a bit too much into this!

As other have said, firstly everyone assumes everyone else is a similar age to them and that coupled with the fact that you're relatively young to be so senior means people will automatically assume you're older than you are irrespective of how you look. Plus people genuinely are rubbish about guessing ages, the only reason I know which of my colleagues are about 30, which mid 30s, which late 30s/early 40s are because people have said their exact age, otherwise I would be clueless between about 30-50.

That said if YOU want to change something about how you look then you should go ahead and do it. I reckon being permanently knackered isn't helping. I felt like with the stress of the pandemic, redundancy, starting a new job, major bereavement and getting married all over the course of a year and a half, with watching my face on all those zoom calls I felt like I was seeing my face age 5 years on screen during that time. My wedding was an excuse but I got Botox, profhilo and a teeny bit of cheek and 'pre-jowel' filler and I am so so happy with the results. Super natural but just makes my face look rested and more how it used to look. The Botox was probably the most drastic as I'd always had pretty deep forehead lines I would say even from late 20s so I'm delighted with the difference. I 100% did it for me, because I wanted to, so if you think there's something you could do which would make a difference then do it. Sure it's superficial and I suppose vain but certainly in my case it's made me a lot happier with my face which makes me feel better in myself.

But he gave an age range.
I don’t get why your offended.

the co-worker might have been told you are in your forties but if you feel you look older and don’t like it you can change this. Sometimes it is how people dress, hairstyles and make up that age them for example I work with a women who I thought was in her early fifty’s due to how she dressed and her hair style, turns out she is forty like me, and her face looks it but her overall style is much older.
Its not worth getting upset over-get the secret Botox if it makes you feel better.

36 to early 40's isnt a lot. 26 to early 30's is the same, but seems a more reasonable grouping. I think it's just the shock of being fit into a firmly 'middle aged' bracket while still putting yourself in the 'young' one, but, actually, a 36 year old and a 42 year old can easily look extremely similar ages and be living similar lives. There's not a lot in it.

It's not insulting. 36 just is fairly similar in age to early 40's.

You want to use the money you are saving for a house to have botox? That's vanity taken to the nth degree...

'About our age'just means 'about the same phase of life or generation as us'. I am 'about the same age' as my older siblings, born 5-8 years older than me, and my manager born 4 years younger than me. Because we are all doing similar things with our lives and not retiring or getting drunk in clubs all night (or whatever twenty somethings do now). Don't get botox because of a throwaway comment. A nice moisturiser is always good of course. Also I recommend La Roche Posay SPF for face.

I say 'about our age' about people 10 years either way..

Also, you probably come across older than you are, not necessarily look it.

And most importantly, we need to stop associating looking 'older' with looking 'worse'. I know plenty of people who look very young for their age, and plenty who look older.. Whether they look good, is another story.

I'm 49 and was given an over 60s concession ticket !!! I did feel upset but I went grey very early ( started late teens, fully grey early 30s ) and my hair grows insanely fast so I gave up dying it about 8 years ago as it literally needed doing every 2 weeks. I know some people look at my hair not my face. I know I don't look 60. I think in your case your position of authority will make people think you are older and the impression you make of maturity given your job. It's so easy to think its all down to facial appearance but there is so much more to it.

When I was in my 30s I was judged between 21 and 46 by different people! That said, if you are not happy with how you look there is lots you can do. Depending on your views, botox and filler can work wonders if done properly. Retinol is a good thing, clothes that make you feel good, a hair style and colour you like etc. I have found that managing my ageing appearance is quite an interesting and enjoyable journey at times.

Dont let it bother you. I find it really difficult to guess someones age. I've also been mistaken for being 10 years younger and 10 years older than I am. It's really easy to not know how old a person looks.

Your husband is useless and tells you to shut up? Are you sure you want to be with him?

Having kids ages you and you are already in your late 30's aka when things start to go downhill. Try working out more. dressing younger, better diet & better skincare (aka Botox). Those are really the only things you can do!

I definitely feel it's more your job role than your looks she was getting at

He probably meant ‘our generation’ rather than age, I don’t think a 36 year old will look much different to a 40 year old. Botox is great, I have it myself but it won’t miraculously make you look younger, it just adds a small amount to the overall effect of youthfulness, it is just the cherry on the cake, if you have unfashionable hair, dated clothes, poor posture etc no amount of botox will make you look youthful, you need to get everything else sorted first.