To think that people are becoming ruder?

[dragonfruittie]

I've had a bad week - a mix of stress at work, family, marriage etc alongside AF. Maybe it's because of this that I've felt close to tears at people's rudeness towards me this week. Is it just me or are people getting worse?? I live in a small town in the south east that is usually very friendly.

For instance: we have a little 6 month pup who we're trying to train well and socialise, but he can still be quite yappy & boisterous. At a large outdoor pub garden with spaced out tables this weekend, I got such horrible looks and tutting / head shaking from people as I carried him away because he was barking at another dog. Later on, I dropped a bag of shopping on the floor whilst by myself and onions were rolling around etc and no one stopped to help at all, just stepped over the onions. Whilst leaving a coffee shop, I asked "excuse me" politely with a smile to a woman with a pram blocking the door, she just stared at me and I had to edge around her - and there was plenty of room for her to move to!! I witnessed a young couple being incredibly rude to a waiter when he forgot to bring something. On a walk to the park with puppy, I got a "control your dog - my baby will be scared" from a woman whose toddler was giggling & pointing at the pup and he was yapping at in excitement (context on this - he was on a short lead, nowhere near the family, he's the size of a small cat, of course I understand this might be scary to some, but we all have the right to use a public park).

I actually embarrassingly burst into tears when an old woman saw this last encounter, smiled and told me "the little dogs are hard work aren't they!" because I so appreciated the kindness. I'm sure I'm overreacting but has anyone else noticed increasing rudeness?

I did do this in paragraphs but they seem to have disappeared... 🤔

It’s horrible when people are mean or react badly to your pup so I know the feeling! Often in my life I’ll get into phases where everyone feels rude all of a sudden, but then they pass and it’s back to normal. I think we can be hyper aware with a dog, or end up having more interactions with strangers so more likely to get a few rude ones in the mix.

I think with helping with shopping etc, people have been a bit unsure since covid about touching things that others have touched - I think this has made the automatic politeness and helpfulness drop off a bit, so that could explain the onions! Hopefully it comes back.

and hopefully all the fun of having a puppy and chatting to the friendly strangers about puppy makes up for the rude ones!

@Blueberrywitch thank you for your lovely response. I hadn't thought about Covid re. the onions... that might well explain it. I am probably hyper aware of annoying people with the puppy, it's a hard stage isn't it! There are definitely strangers who are kind about him though, which helps so much.

I'm sorry for the experiences you've been having. I think that we have become less aware of other people and there seems to be a bit of a breakdown in the social contract. I don't know if this is because of various lockdowns and thus less socialising, I really don't know.
I honestly try to kill people with kindness if they are rude or unkind to me. I will smile even when it hurts a lot. I think the only thing we can do is model good, polite behaviour and hope it pays off.

I agree with you that people are being far more abrupt and self-centered these days. But doesn't the fact that two out of the four examples include your dog barking suggest to you that you might be missing something about his behaviour that others are seeing (and clearly not enjoying)?

Easier said than done but just ignore them.

i also agree people are just incredibly rude and judgy these days. It’d be boring if we were all as perfect as they reckon they are!

re pub garden next time go with the yummiest treats and just do some focus work ie lots of treats every time he looks at you and ignores what is going on don’t stay long and build from there.

When you have a bad week and start noticing the rudeness, you notice it more and more.

Plus the puppy sounds like it’s in a phase that other people might find a bit annoying, so you might just have to ride that one out.

I've generally found people to be more friendly since lockdown.

it also depends on whether you give out an air of unapproachableness or openness. I’ve just spent the weekend with a friend who talks to everyone (particularly if they have a dog!) and who smiles at everyone. She’s also very pretty, but given we’re nearing 50 I’d guess that benefit is wearing off somewhat. Anyway everyone chatted away with us, held open any gates, offered advice and information.

You could have just posted about the lovely woman who saw you were upset and offered a little bit of kindness. Maybe spend a week counting all the positive interrractions with people and see how that makes you feel?

@ginslinger thank you. Yes things seem to have changed since the lockdowns. I'll join you with continuing to kill them with kindness and hope it pays off!

@Ducksinthebath I consulted a dog trainer about the barking and he said it was excited puppy yapping that he should grow out of in a few months, and it was best to keep socialising so he gets used to being out with people. It's very obvious that he's a puppy so I guess I thought people might be more understanding.

I don’t find yapping, “boisterous” dogs cute or endearing, especially not in a pub: I think they’re nuisances - and if you think that other people disapproving of your badly behaved pet is “rude” then you’re the problem, not them. If your dog is prone to yapping then keep it at home where only you have to hear it.

I've noticed this just simple things like,

Not holding doors open for the person coming in directly behind you.

People being ride to service staff in hospitality for no real reason. Ok she forgot one drink on the round, she's apologised and has gone back to the bar to get it! Hardly a reason to be rude to her face.

There's definitely been a increase in self entitlement and arrogance.

Not sure what to do. I just carry on being me, holding the door open, accepting apologies and helping people.

But I agree, people are getting ruder.

@ComtesseDeSpair he's not badly behaved... he's a puppy who may bark with excitement when he sees something exciting. He's still learning. Like a child crying or screaming. Would you suggest all parents leave their babies at home because they might cry?

A yapping puppy is no different to a chuckling or screeching toddler. It’s a baby! Imho dogs are way less annoying than other people’s badly behaved young children but we accept them in the public realm because that is life and the young of any species need to learn and be socialised.

Sorry you are encountering so much rudeness OP. I think there has definitely been a deterioration in manners and social interaction online and in real life, sadly.

@ObjectionHearsay yes the hospitality rudeness is awful!! Especially when the servers are very young & look terrified.

The pub is a place most people perceive as an adult (human) environment in which they can relax, chat, etc., not a place for children nor a place to train a puppy.

FFS.

Is the air much thinner all the way up there on your high horse?

@Phrenologistsfinger thank you! My friend who is a new mum said to me the other day that she's anxious to take baby out because of judge stares and comments about the crying... I wish we could all just be kinder!

I think it’s incredibly ironic to start a thread with “waaahhh, people are so rude nowadays and never think of others” and then go on to describe two situations where other people were forced to put up with the bad behaviour of your dog who you’ve described yourself as yappy and boisterous.

If I wanted to hear dogs barking then I’d go to a dog park or a rescue centre for my jollies. If I’ve chosen to go to the pub then you can safely assume I don’t want to listen to your dog barking.

@Ducksinthebath I agree if it was inside and the evening. This was lunchtime outside in a huge grass area with lots of families, dogs and kids.

Well if it was full of kids then definitely not a place to take a dog that's not trained yet. I can see why some people might have been a bit peeved.

People are definitely becoming more ignorant IMO. I think people don't want unexpected interactions since covid.

Your dog sounds like he may need a bit of work before you take him to places like the pub.

@ComtesseDeSpair as described in the original post, I picked him up and removed him from the area because of him barking. I got the dirty looks as I was taking him away. Kids and dogs aren't perfect and sometimes they make noise, like drunk adults at a pub!

How do you propose that puppies be trained in how to behave in an environment such as the pub if not taken there and, you know, actively trained there?

I think it’s probably combo of you not feeling great so noticing more whereas more robust you’d just brush off. And people have been shut away so normal etiquette gone out of window. There was a thread other say where someone had been rudely spoken to for going to help a lady with dropped shopping (don’t touch). The old norms have gone out of window.

I don't think people are ruder, it depends on where you are in life and what you focus on, there are plenty of kind people out there

@ComtesseDeSpair 100%!