To think that people are becoming ruder?

[dragonfruittie]

I've had a bad week - a mix of stress at work, family, marriage etc alongside AF. Maybe it's because of this that I've felt close to tears at people's rudeness towards me this week. Is it just me or are people getting worse?? I live in a small town in the south east that is usually very friendly.

For instance: we have a little 6 month pup who we're trying to train well and socialise, but he can still be quite yappy & boisterous. At a large outdoor pub garden with spaced out tables this weekend, I got such horrible looks and tutting / head shaking from people as I carried him away because he was barking at another dog. Later on, I dropped a bag of shopping on the floor whilst by myself and onions were rolling around etc and no one stopped to help at all, just stepped over the onions. Whilst leaving a coffee shop, I asked "excuse me" politely with a smile to a woman with a pram blocking the door, she just stared at me and I had to edge around her - and there was plenty of room for her to move to!! I witnessed a young couple being incredibly rude to a waiter when he forgot to bring something. On a walk to the park with puppy, I got a "control your dog - my baby will be scared" from a woman whose toddler was giggling & pointing at the pup and he was yapping at in excitement (context on this - he was on a short lead, nowhere near the family, he's the size of a small cat, of course I understand this might be scary to some, but we all have the right to use a public park).

I actually embarrassingly burst into tears when an old woman saw this last encounter, smiled and told me "the little dogs are hard work aren't they!" because I so appreciated the kindness. I'm sure I'm overreacting but has anyone else noticed increasing rudeness?

As a PP said, maybe a bit more work before being taken to an environment like a pub. Given the dog in question also generated a comment in a park, it could be that it's just not ready for that a busy pub environment yet. It was after all the weekend, which is peak time for pubs...perhaps starting at a quieter time is the answer?

I agree, people have become far more rude of late.

I've noticed it particularly on MN (AIBU especially). It's always been a place for robust conversation, but these days people are going out of their way to be really nasty to other posters for the smallest of reasons. I was called a really unpleasant name only the other day.

Maybe
I have had someone at work (boss) previously be ridiculously mean. 12 years ago and they were like this to almost all staf f one even had to go to the union.
Last 2w ive had a problem with one person and he is basically off the reservation completely. He ranted at me and dc for 30min then accused me of something which i said to dc and dc agreed i had done it. Then went one further and did something to dc2 who they dont even know!
Op unfortunately you just have to be glad these seem like fleeting meetings and its not someone you see at work or always around.
Im constantly trying so hard not to be offensive so i know its not me but then you end up with bullies picking on you as they think you weak.
On the positive side though theyve pushed me so far ive sorted something out for one dc that i was unsure about doing for years. So effectively theyve helped us out lol im sure that would annoy the person
I think somewhat the people cant accept being wrong or don't care but they cant deal with any hard stuff.

I think it's a matter of perception and emphasis. A woman was really kind to you, but you mention that only to prove how horrible others were. You could just as easily have asked, "isn't it great how some people are so kind and thoughtful?"

As others have said, your dog was probably a bit annoying. But most people love puppies and will enjoy some puppy time so maybe try focusing on the nice people instead of the horrors?

I agree with this and don't give a single fuck if people think this makes me up on my high horse or any of the other things people have said.

I don't think it's rude for people to look disapproving at a dog when barking in a pub. It's annoying. And puppies are not the same as human babies no matter how some people try and swing it.

That being said, I think people are straying either one of two extremes - completely incapable of having a conversation that might make them even slightly uncomfortable, or the type that loudly voices their unhappiness at <whatever> by being rude. I think your couple berating a waiter are the second type. Your other examples I don't actually think are rude, I think you're a bit sensitive with other stuff

I agree that people are becoming ruder, in most cases completely unjustifiably so in general YANBU. Insecure unhappy people have their little power trips through rudeness especially in shops, restaurants and other service industries.

However, YABU when it comes to your puppy. Many many people don't like dogs or are frightened of them and many a neighbourhood or beach is blighted by dog poo, you only have to read all the threads on here although of course MNetters always pick up after their dogs.

Comparisons with babies are absurd. Babies are the future generations that will look after us all and keep society going, they will benefit all of us. Dogs don't do that, with a few exceptions such a assistance dogs.

I think what you will notice depends on how you personally feel.

I’ve held doors open and has them held open for me. I wouldn’t pick up your onions because covid told us not to touch things. What if you get mad I ruined your onions by touching them? However I have made my husband pull over our car and block a road to help catch a dog running lose and on another occasion only the month before a toddler who’d got out of a garden was was running along a main road.

I also wouldn’t appreciate your bark happy dog anymore than I’d like a crying baby in a beer garden. I do love a cute little puppy that’s all dozing or playing with a toy at the table.

Not so long ago, I was in a pub and the table next to me were practically screaming at this young lad about a billing error, nothing major they had not paid any money, was just a mistake on the receipt. All the lad had to do was go back to the till, amend the charges and print a new receipt, he'd said this to them like 5 times that he would and apologising for the mistake. I could see him starting to well up in his eyes, and the ex hospitality manager in me came out.

I turned to the table as just a member of the "general public" and said a soap box speech along the lines of

"stop it, leave him alone, he's apologised, if you stop shouting at him and let him return to the till and amend the receipt this would be over but you keep having a go at him, leave him alone. Another waitress/waiter might have placed the item on the wrong open table, it's easily done when busy, so it might not even be his fault. Just stop being so aggressive with him, he's just doing his job! Grow up and be a decent person"

The busy restaurant fell silent, the table of rudeness shut up and the young lad retreated to the till.

Some people are just shameful in their behaviour towards others.

YANBU, you only need to look at this thread. 🙄

People do seem to be getting less and less tolerant. Driving is the same - me, me, me all the time, and you get the finger or verbals from someone who was in the wrong when it was clearly their fault.

@WhatATimeToBeAlive agree with the driving intolerance too. It seems more aggressive and less hand waving to say thanks. But as other posters say, maybe I'm just looking at it in a negative light because I've had a bad week!

@ObjectionHearsay how awful for him, I bet that really stayed with him. Thank you for speaking up! That is absolutely unacceptable behaviour - it sounds like they wanted a power trip. I often think the people that are rude to waiting staff are desperate for power over others in their lives, and can only get it by being rude to employees who are required to be nice back!

It doesn’t sound like you are actively training the dog though just hoping that the more he socialises the quicker he will grow out of it. You need to engage a better dog trainer and look at ways of redirecting the behaviour and positively reinforcing the behaviour you want. Not all puppies are yappy and those that are don’t always just naturally grow out of it.

Its ironic that you are finding the world a ruder place whilst simultaneously not acknowledging your own lack of consideration!

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe we're actively training with positive reinforcement when he ignores other dogs and sounds, and distractions with treats/chews/toys when in public places, but it doesn't always work. He's a yappy breed so we did expect it, but maybe we do need another dog trainer. I would like to add that I always remove him from the area/pub/park when he is behaving badly and is hyped up. I like to think that I try to be considerate to others by doing that. Of course it must be very annoying for them.

Fair enough but until you’ve cracked it you might have to accept that it’s not fair to use other people’s hard earned leisure time at the pub as an opportunity for socialising your dog.

there’s lots of places I’d like to take my dog with me to but don’t because there are some situations that he’s still a right prick in but that’s my problem!

Aww how lovely to have your new addition to the family, all the brilliant adventures to come.
I don't know, sometimes I think we notice more when we're having a bad day, but then others I have one of those "Have I got a big notice on my head everyone be a rude twat to me today"
I too live in a very friendly place, but in town the other day there honestly did seem to be a horrible vibe, people pushing in front not saying thankyou re doors.
It wasn't just me when we all got back on the bus everyone else said the same thing "So many rude people today can't wait to get out of town"
Sorry you've had a bad week many of us on here seem to have too.
Give your new addition a big big hug from me

I see your paragraphs!!
Someone posted on here that on some phones or whatever it was for some reason you can't see your own paragraphs sometimes. Weird.

People's driving skills and manners have also deteriorated Which I put down to lockdown. Indicating, letting others out of side roads when you're in a queue. Things have changed. People are angrier more on edge.

@LanaGardner oh that's weird!! Longer comments on this post also seem to be cut off halfway through a word on my phone.... hmm.

@LanaGardner and thank you very much! You know I did just read on another post that it was a full moon over the weekend and people felt unusually depressed and anxious. Maybe that's something to do with it.... I usually don't pay much attention to astrology but you never know!!

I honestly think people have forgotten how to behave after lockdown. Which is a shame, as we all missed human contact, and then acted like rude arseholes when we were finally out and about.

I feel like i am the exception rather than the rule now for saying Good Morning to the staff at the till, or please, or thank you.....

I think a lot of people are ruder post-pandemic actually, some social skills and ability to ‘rub along together’ seems to have gone rusty.

I haven’t noticed this in real life, except for a brief period during the first lockdown when everyone was tense and distracted.

I certainly have noticed a change on MN. I’ve been here for 15 years (many changes of name) and have been quite shocked at the rudeness, hostility and lack of empathy I see on here now. Still keep coming back though!

@dragonfruittie
There was a thread on here this morning about the full moon and we are very much not alone. Many people seem to be having anxiety/depression/can't cope feelings at the moment.
I burst into tears yesterday in front of a load of strangers when a dog ran up to me for a cuddle.

As long as the dog is on a lead and near the table the owner is sitting out why would people be scared of it?

A dog constantly yapping can be annoying but nowhere near as annoying as a screaming baby. As for young children running around when people are carrying food and drink and often screeching at the tops of their voices too well I wish their parents would stay home with them.

I could not care less if they are the future generations. You don't know they will benefit all of us. They may turn out to be benefit scroungers who never work a day.

Possibly an incredibly in rudeness is.due to the Increased stress people seem to be under these days?

It’s a puppy - where has tolerance gone. And the OP WAS dealing with its’ behaviour.