To think that people are becoming ruder?

[dragonfruittie]

I've had a bad week - a mix of stress at work, family, marriage etc alongside AF. Maybe it's because of this that I've felt close to tears at people's rudeness towards me this week. Is it just me or are people getting worse?? I live in a small town in the south east that is usually very friendly.

For instance: we have a little 6 month pup who we're trying to train well and socialise, but he can still be quite yappy & boisterous. At a large outdoor pub garden with spaced out tables this weekend, I got such horrible looks and tutting / head shaking from people as I carried him away because he was barking at another dog. Later on, I dropped a bag of shopping on the floor whilst by myself and onions were rolling around etc and no one stopped to help at all, just stepped over the onions. Whilst leaving a coffee shop, I asked "excuse me" politely with a smile to a woman with a pram blocking the door, she just stared at me and I had to edge around her - and there was plenty of room for her to move to!! I witnessed a young couple being incredibly rude to a waiter when he forgot to bring something. On a walk to the park with puppy, I got a "control your dog - my baby will be scared" from a woman whose toddler was giggling & pointing at the pup and he was yapping at in excitement (context on this - he was on a short lead, nowhere near the family, he's the size of a small cat, of course I understand this might be scary to some, but we all have the right to use a public park).

I actually embarrassingly burst into tears when an old woman saw this last encounter, smiled and told me "the little dogs are hard work aren't they!" because I so appreciated the kindness. I'm sure I'm overreacting but has anyone else noticed increasing rudeness?

Yes, I do think people are becoming ruder and manners leave a lot to be desired too. I think lockdowns have had a lot to do with it, as we’ve become less socialised and there are still Covid related anxieties. It’s not all of the story though - I do think a lot of it is to do with a sense of ‘entitlement’ in various ways.

I’m a wheelchair user and in a noisy supermarket the other day two women were chatting by the entrance and I couldn’t get past. I said excuse me a couple of times and was ignored as they carried on chatting - the third time I was heard and they moved aside. I said ‘thank you’ as I wheeled past and as I got through the door one of the women shouted sarcastically ‘you’re welcome’. I said ‘I beg your pardon’ ? and she bellowed at me ‘a thank you would have been nice’ !! Told her I had actually said thank you as I went past but she mustn’t have heard - same as she didn’t hear me say ‘excuse me’ three times before she moved aside. Rude, unnecessary and unfortunately, on that occasion it caused me to be angry enough to be rude right back.

If anything I think people have gotten a lot more over sensitive recently.

At a large outdoor pub garden with spaced out tables this weekend, I got such horrible looks and tutting / head shaking from people as I carried him away because he was barking at another dog. So noone actually said anything to you or asked you to leave? In that environment it is considered rude to have a barking dog. I understand you rectified it but people were right to be annoyed.

Later on, I dropped a bag of shopping on the floor whilst by myself and onions were rolling around etc and no one stopped to help at all, It's not rude to not help though it is extremely kind when someone does iyswim. Maybe the embarassment of dropping your shopping made you more sensitive here?

Whilst leaving a coffee shop, I asked "excuse me" politely with a smile to a woman with a pram blocking the door, she just stared at me Did you actually ask her to move? Or just say "Excuse me"? If not she could have thought you said that to get her attention? With saying you needed to pass how would she have known?

I witnessed a young couple being incredibly rude to a waiter when he forgot to bring something. You have no clue what was going on here. You saw a snippet and assumed. Quite rude to judge there and to eavesdrop.

On a walk to the park with puppy, I got a "control your dog - my baby will be scared Not rude at all. Statement to make you aware her child may be scared of your dog if it gets closer. of course I understand this might be scary to some, but we all have the right to use a public park She didn't say you couldn't use the park at all or even hint at it.

Whilst leaving a coffee shop, I asked "excuse me" politely with a smile to a woman with a pram blocking the door, she just stared at me Did you actually ask her to move? Or just say "Excuse me"? If not she could have thought you said that to get her attention? Without saying you needed to pass how would she have known?

Well, no, actually. This is more about self awareness on the part of the other person. She was blocking the door with a prom - she’d have to be pretty dim not to understand that a polite ‘excuse me’ means ‘please move out of my way’ !!

That was my point. You can't just assume poeple are as intelligent as you or if English is their first language. Be clear which would also be seen as polite would it not?

Yes in some cases but today …

I had a 5 hour train journey with a buggy and a 6 month old . I went on 6 trains and every time I had someone run up and ask me if I needed help to get on / off . On the last train two mid twenties males then carried the buggy up the stairs as lift was broken. Honestly , I was blown away .

There are some great people out there !

I think people have just forgotten the basics of human interaction tbh! Repeatedly I've been standing by a certain item in a shop and have had people either just shove their arm inches away from my face or over my shoulder to grab what they want, or just standing there gormlessly blocking the aisle staring at me because they want to get something I'm standing in front of. JUST SAY "excuse me..."2 and I'll happpily move!

(I don't tend to constantly block people's way BTW because i know its annoying, I'm talking in cases where I've stopped for a very brief moment to check a price, or there are 2 trolleys trying to pass one another in a small space or a queue has extended down an aisle or whatever)

I have noticed folk getting ruder and ruder. I was coming out a shop yesterday. There was a lady walking towards the door . She was walking from the car park, I stood and held the door for her for a few minutes. She didn’t even acknowledge me or say thank you! I said in a quiet sarcastic voice thank you! I wish I’d said it louder, so she heard. So rude!

You seriously stood for a few minutes to hold a door for someone. How far away was she when you saw her coming? Very over the top if it genuinely was more than one minute.

I have this a lot. And I do say 'Thank you' loud enough for them to hear. But I only hold the door for seconds, never whole minutes!

No, I don't think people are becoming ruder. You just had a bad week.

Yep I stood there for a few min as it was in a very quiet part of a retail park. Only my car and hers in the small car park. She was walking slowly texting. I kept the door open as I was being nice. Didn’t even acknowledge me. Even my 10 year old daughter whispered to me how rude!!

I agree, people seem like they just can’t be bothered with basic manners, I suspect lockdown and the financial squeeze have a lot to do with it.

Well if she was busy trying to text someone you effectively put pressure on here. Really not sure why you martyred yourself holding the door for someone clearly not interested in you doing that.

Ducksinthebath
you sound very rude yourself. Hopefully you teach your kids better manners!!!

OP other people shouldn’t have to tolerate your dog. Particularly not when they have small children with them. I would argue the lack of manners is actually yours for expecting everyone to accommodate your puppy.

disclaimer; I have a boisterous puppy

I think people are deff becoming more mean spirited and ignorant.but worse is they think it's 100% not debatable and ok,correct to be this way so there is no compassion or discussion of views.
More judgemental and deff quicker to judge.

Pleas don’t take it to heart, OP. Most people are stressful, anxious, sensitive or trying to
simply survive or get through the day. But, yes, people can be so rude and uncaring,

Please can we see a pic of your pup? Another dog lover here! 🐶

• stressed, not stressful!

You're my hero 😊

I've just finished a busy weekend in hospitality, I do have to say that the majority of people were focused on just enjoying themselves, but a fair few seemingly had their day made by trying to ruin ours. And either it's more than it used to be or I notice more now I'm older, I seem to be putting myself between young waiting/bar staff and rude, obnoxious and aggressive customers more these days.

And people in general are just oblivious to others around them and being considerate to others, while they expect others to show them consideration or bend over backwards to accommodate them. There's definitely more self centered and entitled behaviour around.

I do agree though that you notice it more when you're not feeling quite right for whatever reason and probably dwell more or take it to heart more.

Oh I used to be a cow of a duty manager. If my staff had reasonably tried to resolve the complaint, even offered them a partial refund (when they didn't really deserve one) but wanted to shut them up and get them to leave, and they were still screaming at my staff shouting "I want to speak to your manager"

I'd rescind any offer of a refund and send them on their way with nothing but a sour taste.

A lesson in be careful about pushing and pushing for "The Manager" because I have the power to do what the fuck I want to do, and offer you nothing. Should have just accepted the apology and the partial refund instead of pushing and pushing my staff and bullying them. Reduce my staff to tears and I'll also ban you from even coming back or interacting with that staff member for the rest of your stay at the hotel.

My staff knew when to come and get me, if there was a major fuck up and then I'd deal with it appropriately and offer full refunds if needed, but be a twat to my staff I'll be a twat to you 🤣

Interesting replies on this thread re the dog at the pub; I posted about a dog barking continuously on a beach every few seconds for 45 mins and got a lot of replies saying “go to a non dog friendly beach”. No one on here has said people could go to a non dog friendly pub! But they could! A puppy yapping a little at a dog pub in the garden with children etc running around would be fine. People are miserable. No one smiles back and people are weird about chatting etc. even on MN it is less tolerant; if you post something against the status quo or want to clarify something people will ridicule you, rather than trying to help you understand.

Total lack of people saying please and thank you as well.

@Giraffesandbottoms pubs and beaches are two very different places.

@ObjectionHearsay please come back to hospitality! We need more people who will stand up to this type of behaviour and call a halt when things go too far, it never fails to amaze me how some people can completely overreact to something small going wrong or just getting told something isn't possible when having a leisure experience, a mistake on a bill or a drink being missed off an order, or in fact a yappy dog that is then removed by it's owner is hardly a matter of life and death, yet you'd think it was the way some people create.

@girlmom21

i don’t agree - dog friendly pub garden and dog friendly beaches still have families there trying to enjoy themselves