To be annoyed by happy people?

[Grumpypaws]

I don’t know what it is about me, but when somebody says “Oh X person is wonderful, so happy and positive all the time, always smiling, what a joy” I feel stirrings of annoyance.

Take Sam Ryder for example. Loved Space Man,. But Graham Norton (and others) laid it on thick what an absolutely delightful person he is, and immediately I began to be irritated by the smiles and peace signs, when I hadn’t been before.

I think I know that IABU about this, and miserable and jealous to boot! Maybe I secretly wish people could / would say the same of me, except that I can’t just make myself be happy and smiley all the time way without feeling fake and insincere?

Anyway. How alone am I in feeling this way?

@Spitescreen

No, positivity really does make you more attractive. For one thing you take more care of yourself and are likely to have a better figure because of it and you have a different glow, also your not going to comfort eat so much which affects the skin and the figure. I try to think the best of most people and be positive and I’m sure it has made a difference to how I look - your probably too young to know who this is but people used to say I looked like Jaqueline Bisset when she was younger and I was (I think I had a better figure even, no bragging).
And I think it’s help me to age well and avoid the ol troll look some women get.

YABU

people like happy people 🤷🏼‍♀️

I can’t stand ‘I’m not a pessimist I’m a realist’ types who do nothing but moan, act pained at every little thing in life & bring the mood dow

the happiest people I know have been through some real adversity which puts the little things in perspective

happiness is just a moment without suffering

I find negative people more annoying generally, although it can be irritating when someone is so enthusiastic about someone or something that you actually quite like that it starts making you think 'it/they're not that good!'

I need to be positive and upbeat for work. Its not even my natural temperament. But, I do find it leaves me in a good mood, even where something didnt go to plan. Other jobs, where I was more 'me' I'd need to often 'shake off' the grumps and stress.

I used to definitely be sceptical of the positive types. I think it has a use.

BUT I balance that, I am very part time. If I did many more hours I think it would start to become that I might lose a certain ability to also empathise and switch it off or dial it down. Generally it helps my work go well. But just like that movie, I need to keep in touch with the negative emotions to really support my clients sometimes.

Agree with others about toxic positivity. Can’t stand it.

However, as a natural pessimist I wish I could be a bit more positive and happy. I hide it quite well. It’s weird though, I have depression so even when I’m happy there’s that undercurrent of depression there. It’s hard to verbalise.

So a bit of happiness and positivity is a good thing. But too much is negative.

I think there's something a bit smug about a lot (not all) of happy people. Almost like it's a veneer that's not real. A lot of it is forced or for show and can conceal a shitty personality underneath. When you meet a genuinely happy person who is a nice person too - that's different.

Paradoxically I find the happiest people have had either very easy and lucky lives, or really really shit ones. It’s the people in the middle who tend to be really pessimistic, constantly dwelling on their problems etc

I can assure you that I both know who Jacqueline Bisset is, and that there’s absolutely no relationship for many women between happiness and the kind of grooming/self-care/diet considered key to certain ideas of female self-presentation to which you seem to be referring. I think that the most consistently happy I’ve ever been was during a time when I lived alone on a remote, otherwise uninhabited island, and was weatherbeaten and mad-haired.

That's a very wise perspective

True happiness is often as simple as being able to see the good in your life: which is much much harder than it sounds.

Most people (sadly) go through some misery at various points in their lives and being able to appreciate happiness as a counterpoint to this is what keeps people going on.

there’s absolutely no relationship for many women between happiness and the kind of grooming/self-care/diet considered key to certain ideas of female self-presentation to which you seem to be referring.

This is spot on. And the idea that "grooming" correlates with female happiness is pure internalised misogyny.

Of course there are certain benefits to feeling as if you look as good as you can and presenting your best self, but this idea that having "a better figure" or "a glow" (whatever that means) means you will be more happy is a red herring straight out of women's magazines. It's just code for: "the nicer you look, the more men you will attract". This is not a recipe for happiness

Sounds like what annoys you isn’t necessarily people behaving cheerily it’s what others say (‘such a lovely person, so positive’ blah blah). Social pressure to ‘be positive’.

A bit like the ‘be kind’ blah.

Outsiders don’t actually know when or how often others FEEL happy or what they think.

Having spent my earlier years in a perpetual cycle of depression and negativity, I appreciate that being around 'happy people' can be triggering. We're constantly told that happiness is a sign of success and being around some positive loud mouth can feel like purgatory, here you have a person who is demonstrating how you don't quite measure up in this world, but as a pp said it's the ones that weaponise it that are the problem.

I have found that genuinely happy people are a joy to be around and their outlook can be infectious. It's the cheer up love brigade that are usually projecting their own misery, happy people make other people feel happy and misery really does love company is very true.

This is something that took me a long time to understand, but as I've got older and the realisation that I have a limited time on this planet hits home, it's up to me if I want to spend it seeing only negativity, or I can try to find happiness. Happiness really is a choice. My younger self would have probably wanted to smack me in the gob for saying that, but it is true to an extent and if you realise this as young person, then you are very lucky indeed.

Lastly, I have to agree with the Roahl Dahl quote, your emotional state (thoughts) does reflect in your outer appearance, for both male and females. Not necessarily turning you into a stunning beauty, but someone that looks content in life, is far more attractive than a snarling misery guts that sees only negativity.

I do agree with you sometimes - especially when it seems fake,

But Sam Ryder seems genuinely nice and kind and happy and positive, and genuinely makes me happy watching him (have followed for absolutely ages on TikTok).

I have found that genuinely happy people are a joy to be around and their outlook can be infectious. It's the cheer up love brigade that are usually projecting their own misery, happy people make other people feel happy and misery really does love company is very true.

This. Low key, genuine happiness from people who enjoy their lives but don't feel the need to shove it down other people's throats is a joy to all.
Professional "happy people" who turn it into a stick to beat other people are a PITA.

YABU, sorry. I'm forrin' and even after decades living here I still can't used to the British love of relentless negativity. For example, we have a few neighbours who think it's totally acceptable to just wonder up to you and launch straight into a moanfest about parking or bin collections or some other tedious trivia, apparently on the assumption that you'll want to join in and it'll be some kind of bonding thing? Why? In my home country that would be the pathway to social death and personally I'm ok with that.

You're right that the British do love a moan but wrong to think we're unique. You should try going to parts of rural Spain or Portugal if you think this is a particularly British trait.

This reminds me of Phoebe's date in friends " you are like Santa on Prozac at Disneyland getting laid"

I like happy positive people, I am one but some people take it way too far.

@Thepeopleversuswork I'm not clear where I mentioned the 'unique' bit. I've lived in four different European countries over the years & speak a couple of different languages pretty well and I still think British culture has a rather draining bias towards negativity - not a unique bias, but a definite one not present in all societies. My English husband exclaimed it to me as "Brits often bound with each other through moaning".

@SomewhereEast

Thats definitely true! Brits do bond through negativity

ChocolateHippo · 16/05/2022 08:58

I fake positivity the whole time. Isn't it second nature as a parent, especially if you've got young children? It just becomes an admittedly exhausting overlay to life, trying to put a positive spin on everything. 'Oh, they're out of the (one type of cheese) you eat, DC. Never mind - let's try this orange cheese instead. How exciting - we never have the orange cheese! No need to roll around on the floor having a tantrum, I'm sure it will be lovely.'

Or on the way to the childminder to drop DC after a tantrum or unexpected toilet trip, in my head I'm thinking 'fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm never going to to make the train to work. I'll need to sprint the whole way and I've got 5kg of fucking presentations in my fucking bag'. While all the time with DC, I'm keeping up a positive commentary on how lovely his day is going to be - 'And you're doing art and going to the library today, which is going to be so much fun! And your friend Alex is back from holiday today, so you'll get to play with him. Won't that be lovely? And Mummy will come pick you up later and then we'll go to the shop and pick up something nice for dinner. And we can set up the paddling pool over the weekend...' And so on and so on.

See I don't get that at all. You're presenting a completely unreal version of the world right there and it's not doing you or your DC's any good whatsoever and I say that as someone who is pretty positive and happy .

I don't see it like that. I see it as not inappropriately subjecting my DC to adult stresses. It's my job to manage things to make sure that my stress doesn't impact him negativity. However stressed I am, I have two rules: that DC will start his day at nursery/childminder/school on a calm and positive note and that I'll give him a big smile and be happy to see him and interested in his day when picking him up, even if I'm overloaded and secretly thinking about how much more work I have to do.

Im am a really positive person. Honestly I am really. I had no idea that could be irritating!

@maddy68 I don't think it's everyone who is positive just some people who are annoying.

I don't know about happy, but i know some people who just seem to do amazing at everything all the time. Amazing mum, doing amazing in their job, manage to do loads of sport and fitness and look amazing. Just winning at life.
I find it a bit annoying only because I feel like I'm crap at everything 😅

I'm sure Sam Ryder is a delightful person but his constant gurning grin at Eurovision made him look like a puppet character !!