To be annoyed by happy people?

[Grumpypaws]

I don’t know what it is about me, but when somebody says “Oh X person is wonderful, so happy and positive all the time, always smiling, what a joy” I feel stirrings of annoyance.

Take Sam Ryder for example. Loved Space Man,. But Graham Norton (and others) laid it on thick what an absolutely delightful person he is, and immediately I began to be irritated by the smiles and peace signs, when I hadn’t been before.

I think I know that IABU about this, and miserable and jealous to boot! Maybe I secretly wish people could / would say the same of me, except that I can’t just make myself be happy and smiley all the time way without feeling fake and insincere?

Anyway. How alone am I in feeling this way?

Many humans tend to put other humans on pedestals especially celebrities. Humans are pathetic creatures I can never undestand this.

Nope. Overly happy people are scary! It’s just not real! And can breed toxic positivity too.

Thinking about it some more, I think (totally irrationally!) that feeling happy and positive all the time is such a lovely way to exist in the first place that having everyone fawn over you for it is just overkill. I tend to sympathise with life’s underdogs, so maybe that’s why super happy people getting all the love annoys me.

Yeah toxic positivity/productivity. Fucking hate it. I'm happy like 65 percent, content and plodding along 25 percent and fucking miserable 10 percent of the time. However when I'm happy I'm not annoying about it.

I'm on the fence about this. I love people who exude genuine energy and curiosity. And who continue to try their best whatever the situation. I think everyone can tell though when the positivity is forced or false.

Being cynical for a moment, with the exception of our children I think we (selfishly) tend to like people because of what they do for us or how they make us feel about ourselves. So we have a vested interest in the positivity of others.

Personally, I am rarely happy "in the moment" but I'm often happy , or contented at least, in retrospect. The rest of the time it's easy to veer between disappointment about the past or nervousness about the future. I suspect people who are happy are able to apply logic to their lives, to have the discipline to enable rationality to overcome emotion to a certain extent, to be able to compartmentalise, and be mindful of the present moment and recognise and accept it for what it is, good or bad, or in between.

I am lucky enough to know three happy people who exude positivity, not in a Pollyanna-ish way, but in a way that genuinely seems to be their true personality. None of them have had easy lives. I often wonder whether that is their natural inclination or if they have had to train themselves to be like that. They say happiness is a choice which I have never entirely understood. But I think I am understanding it more as I get older.

Come on now, you must know that celebrities put on a performance. That’s their job. Just like a supermarket worker who stays polite when faced with rude customers or a health care worker who stays calm when dealing with abuse.

Everybody has their worries and insecurities, and that includes Sam Ryder and Graham Norton.

You can’t really think that a celebrity who turns it on when they are performing is happy all the time, whatever is going on in their personal and professional lives.

Oh you're absolutely not alone in this! I've had depression since my early teens and was only diagnosed at uni, then finally started meds that actually helped in my mid-20s and decent counselling in mid-30s. I'm much better now in my 40s but it's left its mark. I feel completely inadequate when people praise others for being such a 'happy' or 'positive' person, because I'm not one and it really isn't by choice!

And this is why, when I want to piss someone off, I smile and laugh and happily live my own life, just to drive them crazy.

Thanks fir confirming it works! 💐

Last week I suddenly amazed myself. I was packing my shopping and I have honestly never been more impressed to how randomly well I was doing. I noticed someone watching and they commented on my packing skills and I was buzzing. But it was a one off, yesterday at Aldi I got told to move to the parking shelf because I was wasting everyone's time 😐

My point is I was happy for a few minutes that was better than normal. Every other time it's miserable or they make me want to cry with their shitty attitudes so would love to do the normal jobs and feel happy about it

I have to deal with really challenging people a lot at work. When one of the most challenging calls me, I always try to be happy to hear from them (even though I know it will involve a long litany of complaints and unhappiness). One of them, last time I answered the phone, made some comment about how lovely (dripping with sarcasm) it must be to be happy and cheerful all the time.

Well;

1. I'm not.
2. I'm trying to make you feel like someone is happy to see you.
3. Being a grumpy bugger just makes it all worse.
4. About 75% of my team is off sick or on stress leave. My fake happiness is clearly doing something for me.

But it's OK if it pisses you off. I know it's really annoying. Frankly I piss myself off with my Mary Poppins impression sometimes.

Ronald Dahl said “If you think good thoughts they will shine out your face like sunbeams” and I agree. Happy women tend to be better looking, radiate beauty and draw people to them.

Something to think about.

No one’s disputing that. But 100% of the time? Even if you’re actually crying inside? Just to make others feel good by looking at your beautiful happy face?
Is Roald Dahl’s advice a more literary version of Cheer Up Love it Might Never Happen? 😊

Fawning over the celebrities is shit and irritating. Toxic positivity is as well.

Being happy to piss people off isn't happiness lol

I don’t like fake happiness - irritating

Generally I’m very happy and extremely positive. I know it irritates others but there’s some miserable, moaning fuckers about and they irritate me.

I don't do fake happiness ; I genuinely am happy ! I bounce around 90% of the day. I've seen and heard too much upset / trauma in other people's lives that I'm so grateful for every minute. I would get on your nerves, op, but most people who know me love me for my positivity. And those who don't like it, well, what can I do ? Not a lot. You're a long time dead is how I see it.
I think I annoy some people.

@Amdone123

And those who don't like it, well, what can I do ? Not a lot.

maybe you could have a bit of self-awareness and empathy for people who don’t have it as easy as you do. As someone who is inherently a strong and positive person but who has been through several years of trauma, I’ve realised how completely butt ignorant and tone deaf I was to people’s feelings until I’d been through something myself which made me realise that yes being happy and positive is good, but when it gets to the extent it’s rubbed in peoples faces then it’s a very naive way to exist that can make people feel very isolated.

Well of course people are drawn to people who are pleasant, positive and nice to be around. Who likes spending time with a miserable fun sponge?

I’ve come away from what to others seem like perfectly nice meet ups with “bouncy happy” people when I’ve been feeling low and bawled my eyes out (and worse) - because they’ve made me feel like I have to cover up what I’m really feeling because it’s not hilarious / ultra positive / witty / happy crappy, and that if I cant I'm worthless and in everyone’s way. But perhaps that’s what you might define as “annoying”.

Definitely not alone OP. I can't stand people who are constantly smiling & as a PP said "bouncing about". Gives me the ick. I like people I can relate to and anyone who acts like a children's TV presenter isn't it.

a miserable fun sponge

Mental health awareness week made a big impact on you then.

@Lollabit , of course I am aware of other people's situations. I can empathise totally - I'm not completely selfish. Today, I've spent time with someone who has had a mild heart attack and an hour on the phone with someone whose ds has been sent to prison for 15 years. And I'm not saying that to blow my own trumpet. I'm the least selfish person you could meet, and family and friends tell me this often. But that's the problem with mumsnet / anonymous forums - people don't know you !

Well I’m mildly irritated by people who are always smiley happy, but it has clearly hit a nerve with you op.
Can you work out why? Is there anything in your life making you unhappy, is there anything you can do about it?
Just ignore other people and concentrate on making your life happier.

I like being around happy people, cheers me up as it’s often infectious. I avoid people who moan a lot (particularly ones who refuse to do anything about said situation) as they bring me down.
Misery loves company.