AIBU to be terrified I am gay when I am married with DC?

[Scaredbeyondbelief123]

As my username says really -
Im petrified
Ive fallen head over heels in love with a close friend
Neither of us have been with a woman before
We cut all contact as soon as we realised how we felt, nothing physical happened of course as we are both married.
3 months later and I’m so upset without her, it’s like I can’t function.
Shes messaged me today saying she has decided to end her marriage, he is leaving next month, no expectations but she wanted me to be aware of the situation.
My children are younger than hers and would be devastated if me and their dad split.
I love my husband, I really do, but there’s always been something missing emotionally as I’ve often had really really intense female friendships - none have crossed the line like this but they would be so intense I would fall out with them easily as would be hurt by minor things etc.
Maybe I’ve been gay all along but how the F do I do this now, married with 2 children.
I feel heartbroken whatever way I go now.
Any advice please?

That you’ve fallen for another woman is of course a completely confusing element to this but fundamentally you’ve fallen in love with somebody else whilst being married.

Couples counselling might help you both have a completely honest look at your relationship & work out it’s viability.

If you knew your husband had fallen for someone else in the way you have for this woman, would you want or be able to remain married to him?

Isn’t the nature of committed relationships that you will encounter severe challenges, temptations & setbacks?

Is your marriage worth fighting for despite your having passionate & complex feelings for someone else?

If your friend were no longer on the scene for a moment, would you be considering leaving him in view of your growing feeling for other women, or would you be staying because it’s safe & convenient?

There’s no judgement here. You need time to work out your very conflicted feelings & possibly a separation for you to work out how you both move forward & in what kind of capacity.

Turquoise643 - I have no idea of your experience, but my experience has been that some women in the lesbian scene are very protective over the label, and insist they have the right to judge whether or not another woman is 'admitted' to the club. You have no need to lecture me. It has been my experience that others have demanded I use the bisexual label, no matter how I feel, simply because of my sexual history.