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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

13 year old out till 22:30 at sleepover-ok or not?

79 replies

spicedemerald · 15/05/2022 08:16

Asking for advice because I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not so it would be good to have some outside perspective.

My (just) 13 year old went to a sleepover last night and was out wandering the streets until 22:30. He was with a group of 5 others of the same age.

Now, I would never let him be out that late and would definitely not allow his friends to if they were under my care but I’m not sure if I’m unreasonable or if this is actually a reasonable curfew for 13 year olds.

Sometimes I feel like I’m too strict. I’m contemplating speaking to the mum who’s house he was at but don’t want to if actually this is ok.

OP posts:
TheWelshposter · 15/05/2022 08:17

I wouldn't be happy with this either. What were they doing? Was it in a busy area?

DanielRicciardosSmile · 15/05/2022 08:18

I wouldn't be happy at this.

Going out somewhere (cinema?) and returning home accompanied by an adult at 10.30pm would be OK. Wandering about in a group of 13-year-olds, definitely not.

Spagaps · 15/05/2022 08:19

No I wouldn't like that either, there's no need for a group of children that age to be out at that time on a Saturday night- especially if all children were at the sleepover anyway.

MrsMingech · 15/05/2022 08:19

Not ok.

15, fine.

Not 13

KangarooKenny · 15/05/2022 08:20

No. Not acceptable.
When mine had sleepovers we had things for them to do, and provided food. They were never allowed out.

Heronwatcher · 15/05/2022 08:20

Sleepover fine, wandering about outside less fine, although I suppose if it was a really small quiet town or village and he was with friends, probably not that bad- but yes I probably would ask a few more questions.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/05/2022 08:21

How do you know ?

I wouldn't be happy at 13.

Eupraxia · 15/05/2022 08:23

I would not be happy. But I also wouldn't want the conflict with the sleepover parent.

If just tell my child they won't be having a sleepover there again without parental assurance they'd be at home

SkirridHill · 15/05/2022 08:24

Something similar happened with my DSD (13) last year - she went to a friend's house and ended up wandering the streets until 2am. The person hosting the sleepover was perfectly fine with it. No more sleepovers at their house!

CeeJay81 · 15/05/2022 08:25

I'd not be happy with my 13 year old doing this either and we live in a rural area with little crime.

Ducksurprise · 15/05/2022 08:25

No I wouldn't like it, and certainly wouldn't allow it if I was in charge of the sleep over but I wouldn't say anything to the other parent. You can not criticise other parents parenting, your only recourse is to not let him stay again.

rookiemere · 15/05/2022 08:26

No they are just 13, fine for older teens but not at that age.

Mally100 · 15/05/2022 08:26

No way is it ok for a 13yo child to be roaming the streets. I would be furious and this would be the last sleepover at those peoples house.

LoveSpringDaffs · 15/05/2022 08:27

I wish the parents around here didn't think it was alright. I'm sure some of them just 'walk/talk/joke about, but many of them wreck the little kids play park, disturb people sleeping, mess around with peoples front gardens, intimidate adults walking home. Have the most disgusting conversations about girls/sex & are generally a pain in the bloody arse. Including smashing up the glass in the bus stop every time it's replaced. It seems like since covid the parents just let them run free. The older ones are no better

and I live in what's classed as a nice area 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Original poster
spicedemerald · 15/05/2022 08:28

I know he was out because I texted him at around 21:00 to see if he was having a good time and he told me he was at the park. I have him on find my phone so I checked half an hour later expecting him to be back at his friends house and he was still out. I text him and said I wanted him to head back but he ignored me and I kept checking in on the app. He didn’t get back till 22:30.

Thanks for the replies. I feel really uncomfortable about it. I won’t be letting him go there again I think.

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/05/2022 08:29

Do you know the parents?

coffeecupsandfairylights · 15/05/2022 08:31

As the evenings are getting lighter I don't really see an issue with them hanging around at the park until later than normal, but 10.30pm is definitely pushing it.

That said, I'm not surprised he ignored you when you asked him to head back - he was with his mates, he wasn't about to turn around and say "my mum doesn't want me hanging out here so we need to go home now."

Rupertpenrysmistress · 15/05/2022 08:31

No to young. If I had 13 year olds sleeping over no way would I let them stay out that late. I wonder what the parents were thinking?

ZenNudist · 15/05/2022 08:37

spicedemerald · 15/05/2022 08:28

I know he was out because I texted him at around 21:00 to see if he was having a good time and he told me he was at the park. I have him on find my phone so I checked half an hour later expecting him to be back at his friends house and he was still out. I text him and said I wanted him to head back but he ignored me and I kept checking in on the app. He didn’t get back till 22:30.

Thanks for the replies. I feel really uncomfortable about it. I won’t be letting him go there again I think.

Very sensible. I don't mean to be alarmist but around here (Manchester) kids get stabbed. It tends to happen late at night.

There was a 12yo girl stabbed by a 14yo boy in Liverpool centre recently. I can't imagine letting my nearly 12yo hang out in a city centre at night.

Out til that time at a restaurant or cinema picked up by parents is OK at 13.

Mally100 · 15/05/2022 08:39

At 9pm why on earth did you not insist he was to go back or you are picking him up? He is a child. At that part of the night what does your idea of hanging around the park look to you??

RoseWindow · 15/05/2022 08:40

Apart from the risk to your kids, a concern for others around them in the local neighbourhood. 13 year olds in groups normally don’t have the maturity to handle themselves well late at night, with or without some kind of proper trouble also occurring that harms the kids. Major lack of sensible host parenting. That would be the last sleepover at theirs for a few years. I wouldn’t bother with a phone call, because their hosting judgement isn’t good and you can’t change that. Just avoid the situation next time.

dottiedodah · 15/05/2022 08:44

I think this is a bit too late . Maybe not let him go again .lots of things late at night. Surely the point of a sleepover is to be at friends house!

CrapBucket · 15/05/2022 08:44

He did the best thing in sticking with his friends. My teens are a bit older which makes a difference- this would be fine for them. If they had a younger sibling I might be ok with them also doing this as I can see there are benefits for the kids in this 'late night roaming'. They do need some freedom and to do a bit of risk taking.

Fedupbuyer · 15/05/2022 08:45

From my experience we used to have sleepovers at the less “strict” parents house so we could stay out later.

Ducksurprise · 15/05/2022 08:52

You can't insist he goes home when out with his friends, it would be more dangerous for him to go back alone.

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