13 year old out till 22:30 at sleepover-ok or not?

[spicedemerald]

Asking for advice because I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not so it would be good to have some outside perspective.

My (just) 13 year old went to a sleepover last night and was out wandering the streets until 22:30. He was with a group of 5 others of the same age.

Now, I would never let him be out that late and would definitely not allow his friends to if they were under my care but I’m not sure if I’m unreasonable or if this is actually a reasonable curfew for 13 year olds.

Sometimes I feel like I’m too strict. I’m contemplating speaking to the mum who’s house he was at but don’t want to if actually this is ok.

Five boys will have been ok if in village or low crime area. However, no, I wouldn’t have been fine with it at 13 and 9pm was plenty late enough. Sunset was around that time last night, give or take, depending where you live.

Would not be happy with this at age 13. Also I remember staying over at more relaxed parents’ houses. We’d go out drinking in the park and wandering the streets 😳

I agree op, not acceptable and I would probably have contacted the parents and embarrassed my son but I am like a bull in a china shop sometimes. None of them, assuming they are all 13 should be out at that time unsupervised. Definitely no sleepovers at that house and I would gently try and encourage some other friendships because a these irresponsible and by default their child will be a bad influence...think the child that encourages others to try smoking, drinking, drugs etc because they have fewer boundaries at home so will have to go further to find some to push at.

I dont blame your DS for ignoring you and staying with his mates. It would have been very embarrassing for him to insist they all leave and unsafe for him to go alone. I would be very unhappy for them to out that late, DS has quite a few friends and none of the parents would have allowed that. He's also 13, they're still very young, not streetwise yet.

I wouldn't be happy with that. As others have said, coming back from somewhere at that time would be fine, or even hanging out on a green within calling distance of the house. But loitering around with idle hands in the park at 10:30pm is a good way to invite trouble, one way or the other.

I would be furious and I would certainly be having words with the parent.

I wouldn’t let my son stay over at theirs again if I’d had that situation. When my son had friends over for a sleepover I felt a huge responsibility to keep the friends safe so wandering about out at night would have been a no no.

This sounds like me 17 years ago..we lived in a small town and did exactly the same. I wonder if we would have got away with it now with all the trackers. Don’t tell him you tracked his phone, If u tell him he will leave his phone at the house or switch it off. I guess have a chat about staying safe most importantly staying together as a group. It also does depend like other posters have said on where you live. Terrible things can happen everywhere but if are less likely if you live in a small town/village.

I wouldn't speak to the parents. If you aren't happy with your child being out that late don't let him go to that's child's house for a sleepover again. It isn't a service you have paid for. She isn't a nursery. You can't go and complain that the childcare isn't up to scratch.

Same. We recently had a gang of 14-15year olds over when DH was home during the evening but I was out with friends. I said no when he offered to pick me up at around 10.30, because I thought some parents would be operating on the assumption that there would be an adult around at that time of night, even though we'd be happy leaving out DD for that hour at that time.

Not ok.

I wouldn't be happy with this and we live in a pretty safe village. No 13 year old has any need to be wondering the streets at 2230. I wouldn't allow my DS to stay over at that friends again.

Nope. I wouldn’t be ok with this.

i have a 13 yr old and when we have her friends over, I get a heads up first from their parents on what they’re happy for their kids to do. e..g they want to go to the cinema in the afternoon on the bus - ok or not? It doesn’t involve them being out in the evening alone for sure. I’m always about to keep an eye when they’re in the house etc.

I expect the same and am quite strict about who she’s allowed to stay overnight with. 13 is too young to be roaming around late at night without adult care.

No that wouldn’t be ok for me; DD has to be in by 8pm and even by then she’s normally at a friends house. I would not be ok with her being out until late.
im not sure I’d say anything to the mum and just say no to more sleepovers at the child’s house as I feel like if she feels that’s ok particularly without even checking with other parents then what else would she think is ok.

Also when other kids come to ours I’ll mention to parents that we let DD go to the shop by herself or that I’m planning on taking them shopping and letting them go off etc and check that’s fine with them

My daughter is 13. We live in a small village. The general time kids in the village come in when it's light is about 9/9.30 ( this seems to apply to the kids from around 11-13).
If dd has got the bus into the next town I ask her to get the 8pm bus back to the village. I've absolutely seen a few younger teens still hanging around at 10ish but generally mine, and their friends are too cold to stay out much past 8/9pm anyway!

Not OK. It isn't sensible as if an issue arose (other teens, drunk adults) they wouldn't have the skills to cope.

This is what happens in our circle of friends too. My ds is still quite young but I certainly won't allow him to be roaming around the streets /park at night. What do people think they are getting up to. Friends with older kids know exactly where there kids are. 13 is a child, I don't get the attitude of you can't ask them anything.

I agree! If he's invited again, then I would say that you didn't feel comfortable with him being out late and say no at that point.

I wouldn't be happy with 10:30 at 13 years old. Some parents are more strict than others or see safety in numbers, or perhaps they were trying to be the "cool" parents. Although, it should have been run by all parents if they had a curfew of that late. You would of had the opportunity to say no at that point.

Hmmm I think it really depends where you live. In lockdown my 11/12 year old & her friends were out til about 9.45 most evenings - we live in a village, very rural, they used to sit in the park til it got dark & just hang out. Never at any point did I think that was too late. Been here 20 years & no crime to speak of, so certainly not unsafe. However, if you live in the middle of a big town/city then it’s very different.

Not ok. Doesn't matter where you live. Mine wouldn't be going for a sleepover there again.

I think it depends where you live. Where I am a lot of 13 year olds are out til 9.30 on school nights and 10/10.30 at weekends.

It’s pretty normal to be hanging around the park at that time, at that age around here. Very nice area FWIW. I’d be ok with it while it was still light.
As to what are they doing, do they not hang around the park during the day? So the same as then, chatting to people and mucking about on the swings.
But if you’re not fine with it then that’s fine too.

No. I wouldn't find the wandering the streets aspect acceptable