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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DW?

106 replies

N4MEChange · 14/05/2022 06:33

DS is 3 and tends to wake up at around 06:00. Monday to Friday I get up with him. DW has to get up early on Mondays and Thursdays anyway so she dresses him, she also dresses him on Tuesdays as I have an early start at work (she tends to get up at around 07:00 to dress him just before I need to leave). Wednesday and Friday I don't work and DW works from home, so I get up with DS and she gets up at around 07:30/08:00.
So I get up at around 06:00 Monday - Friday. I am also the one who takes him to CM before I go to work, whilst DW dresses him and that is helpful I do everything else that is required in the morning Monday-Friday.
We cut a deal when DS was 9MO - I would have a lie in on Saturdays and DW would on Sundays. The trouble is that DW has to make a load of passive aggressive comments when she gets up - usually around how she'll be too tired for whatever we have planned later in the day. Then DS cries outside of our bedroom door because he wants me....then there is pretty much no hope of me getting back to sleep! I feel wound up and no matter how tired I am sleep will not come.
On Sunday mornings I get up and take DS downstairs quickly and quietly so DW can sleep.
AIBU to be pissed off? As I lie here awake typing away at 06:30 OR should I let it slide / change our routine because I work less hours in the week?

OP posts:
altiara · 14/05/2022 10:18

Could you use ear plugs?

Theala · 14/05/2022 10:20

My DH is very much not a morning person. Even before we had a child, he was really shit in the morning.
I tried to fight it for a bit, but honestly it was a lost cause.
So now we have a system where I get up every morning and he does nearly all bedtimes. So I get free time then and often take myself up to bed early with a book and a decaf coffee.
Could something like that work for you?

TempName01 · 14/05/2022 10:33

I don’t know what it is about the post but I feel that OP is female and the DW is actually a DH, maybe an unconscious bias on my part 🤔

honeylulu · 14/05/2022 11:15

I read it as if they were both female (and OP was the birth parent - sorry hope that's not offensive term) but re-reading there isn't anything that strongly supports that

Irishfarmer · 14/05/2022 11:18

How does her getting up at 8am on Saturdays give you a lie on? It's one day a week, she needs to get up. If not on Sundays bring DS into your bedroom and make sure she is awake too.

Skyeheather · 14/05/2022 11:31

Why does your DS have to stand outside your bedroom door crying, isn't he allowed in? Can't he go in and climb into bed with you and your DW, then you can all have a lie in at the weekend.

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 14/05/2022 14:04

I would book in for a vasectomy and then leave her and take your son and she can sleep for as long as she wants then selfish woman

girljulian · 14/05/2022 14:13

You are not being unreasonable. Your wife sounds like a selfish bitch, frankly. I’m assuming you’re both women, so this just goes to show that women can be just as lazy and inconsiderate as men in a relationship…

WallaceinAnderland · 14/05/2022 14:23

I think she needs to experience it to understand what it's like for you. Therefore, on her lie in day, make sure she is disturbed. Then, when she has calmed down about it, have the conversation again.

Exhaustedcog · 14/05/2022 14:27

I had this and this is how I solved it. I stopped getting up. The kid came in every single morning. I said it is not me waking you up it’s your child. Just stop getting up and honestly she will need to seek to resolve it with you!

WhackingPhoenix · 14/05/2022 14:36

Northernsoullover · 14/05/2022 10:18

Assuming that OP is male which they may not be you wouldn't say that if you knew the OP was female. It would be a firm LTB

Show quote history

I think OP is also a woman, she says her son comes in and says “good morning mummy” to her so I am assuming it’s a two-mum family.

Feckingfeck · 14/05/2022 14:41

Come 6am Sunday ....Do the same as she has done today 😉

Original poster
N4MEChange · 14/05/2022 15:31

Sorry everyone, I haven't disappeared!
We are both women, I wasn't trying to be ambiguous about that so I apologise if I should have made it clearer. DW does definitely fit the "useless husband" criteria though - all of my friends are straight and we all have the same grumbles when we talk about our partners.

OP posts:
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 14/05/2022 15:31

Your DW is a lazy selfish cow

Original poster
N4MEChange · 14/05/2022 15:34

I will say that I have deliberately referred to her as DP and not used pronouns in a different thread (different username) and everyone assumed she was male / advised me to LTB

OP posts:
User3568975431146 · 14/05/2022 15:36

She's not being fair but your child is probably going to bed much too early too. Knock bedtime back by an hour or two and you go to bed at the same time as he does. Hopefully he'll sleep later and you'll both get more rest.

Googlecanthelpme · 14/05/2022 15:53

She’s being an arsehole plain and simple.

she can help what she says and does at 6am, she just doesn’t want to. Because she wants to be a selfish little prick.

Id possibly give her another opportunity to grow up and ask her nicely to be considerate - like you are to her - and if she can’t. Well Sunday I wouldn’t be doing anything to facilitate her lie in. Lights on, radio on, Cbeebies on, tumble dryer on, hairdryer on.

Extremely disrespectful and selfish behaviour. It doesn’t matter who does slightly more hours in the week - you both work hard, you both juggle childcare so you both deserve a lie in and a little bit of quiet time on the weekend

Wouldyabeguilty · 14/05/2022 16:04

No, she is taking the piss, she needs to step up. That is not fair.

Merryoldgoat · 14/05/2022 17:21

She sounds like she’s entirely uninterested in family life. Your child calls for you because they aren’t close to her as they are to you.

My DS have always been just as happy with DH as me because he’s always done masses of parenting.

If you split would she want any time with DS? I doubt it.

Momicrone · 14/05/2022 18:20

What does cm mean?

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 14/05/2022 18:43

Momicrone · 14/05/2022 18:20

What does cm mean?

Childminder

BoredZelda · 14/05/2022 19:05

I think most of you are correct, I get enough sleep but just want to wake in my own time one morning instead of being wrenched from sleep and want to enjoy a coffee / breakfast on my own with a book for a couple of hours.

Isn’t that just called parenthood?

Chickychoccyegg · 14/05/2022 19:07

I think people are getting a bit carried away in what they're saying about dw : suggesting she wouldn't want to see ds if you split up, thst she's a lazy selfish bitch, ltb and so on.
You see yourself as the "main parent" this comes across clearly in your posts, from wondering what she was doing wrong at bath time and going down and getting involved even when she asked you not to.
This has ended in you becoming default parent,and her back up parent, rather than 2 equal parents, this results in ds seeking you out more.
You both need to have a proper conversation about splitting the load, and expectations of each other.
You need to let her get on with it when it's her turn to look after ds

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/05/2022 19:45

Myself and DH had a similar set up and we would make sure we got up on our allocated day of the weekend. Even if we were tired or had a hangover. If we had something we would change it in advance. Your DW is being unreasonable. I would stay in bed anyway whether awake or not

HairyScaryMonster · 14/05/2022 20:10

A gro clock might help to move it back beyond 6, I talked to my (not toddler any more) about how the sun was naughty in the summer and got up before it was time, and you must wait for the sun on the clock not the sky.

My DH is on meds that mean getting up in the morning is a massive struggle and not really fair on him to get up early. I get an afternoon nap and some time to myself instead.

Now my 2 are older they get 30 mins iPad before breakfast at weekends so I have time to wake a bit more gradually.