To be pissed off with DW?

[N4MEChange]

DS is 3 and tends to wake up at around 06:00. Monday to Friday I get up with him. DW has to get up early on Mondays and Thursdays anyway so she dresses him, she also dresses him on Tuesdays as I have an early start at work (she tends to get up at around 07:00 to dress him just before I need to leave). Wednesday and Friday I don't work and DW works from home, so I get up with DS and she gets up at around 07:30/08:00.
So I get up at around 06:00 Monday - Friday. I am also the one who takes him to CM before I go to work, whilst DW dresses him and that is helpful I do everything else that is required in the morning Monday-Friday.
We cut a deal when DS was 9MO - I would have a lie in on Saturdays and DW would on Sundays. The trouble is that DW has to make a load of passive aggressive comments when she gets up - usually around how she'll be too tired for whatever we have planned later in the day. Then DS cries outside of our bedroom door because he wants me....then there is pretty much no hope of me getting back to sleep! I feel wound up and no matter how tired I am sleep will not come.
On Sunday mornings I get up and take DS downstairs quickly and quietly so DW can sleep.
AIBU to be pissed off? As I lie here awake typing away at 06:30 OR should I let it slide / change our routine because I work less hours in the week?

I meant to add. Except, I have accepted this! So I don't hold a grudge. I'm just tired.

Sometimes if you come to accept the situation you don't get so angry and worked up. So either come up with a solution with your DW or you will need to accept it for a couple more years

I was with you until you said DW told you not to go down to help with the bath, but you did it anyway.

So now you've :-

• reinforced to DC that if they scream loud enough you'll come
• undermined DW and put her back to sq 1 with getting DC use to her bathing them

Seriously if you ever want a lie in you're going to have to go through a couple of weeks ignoring DC calling for you and pretending to be asleep.

Although it would probably be easier for DW and DC's morning to be fun, not bath as it's just once a week.

Thank you everyone 🙏🏻
I have spoken to DW again and we have agreed that I will get up with DS next Saturday and she will come down at 08:00. I will big her up and talk about all the fun stuff they're going to do and hopefully they will have a nice time together whilst I enjoy a quiet coffee and a read 🤞🏻

Nah I think for the next 2 weeks straight you need to wake your dw every morning at 6am to get up and see how she feels so it's OK for her to have lie ins and have time for herself in the morning but not you

@Bubblesandsqueak1
😂 A big part of me agrees with you, but DW would go straight back to sleep whereas I can't. So really I would just end up feeling more irritated when my petty revenge plan didn't work!

So you lose your lie in?

@ImBurtMacklin
I lose the lie in that I am currently not getting anyway and get other relaxed time to myself later on (which I will utterly milk)

Why does your wife put her needs before yours and the baby? I don't understand? Is she usually good with the baby or not?

Sorry I found your opening post hard to understand.

Do the same shit back to her for A WEEK. See what she says then.

She's mugged you right off. When do you get to sleep and lie in?

She's being a fucking knob about the weekend lie ins!

Why the fuck shouldn't you each get a lie in on a weekend?

That's not the victory you seem to think it is.

She is very selfish.

And next Sunday - does she get the lie in or do you?

Haha tbh I did it to my husband that never woke I get up 7am 5 days a week now and at least 1 weekend lie in if not working and 1 weekday lie in if not working

I had very similar in my relationship, a very selfish partner who wouldn’t get up ever or help. It Destroyed our relationship because of the resentment it built up. I ended up hating him. How could someone who is meant to love you watch you struggle so much.

Except... She probably won't come down at 8. She sounds like a bit of a bully, if I'm honest. The one thing that is very clear is she prioritises her own sleep and downtime, and is happy to do what she can to ruin yours. This new arrangement has just made sure she gets her own way, I'd be making as much noise as possible at 6 every opening to make sure she was also wide awake!

*every morning

She sounds selfish. Incredibly so.

Don't have another child with this woman as she won't do early starts then either and you will have double the work.

Out of interest who woke up to do night feeds when you dc was a baby, birth to one 18 months. If it was her then maybe she believes she has done her fair share. If it was you, then consider divorce. She puts her needs above the dc and you which is unusual for a woman as thats what men usually do. Unless you are both women?

To be honest, I think when you have small children everyone needs to forget about the whole concept of a lie in. Even if it's your lie in, you get woken up by child, noise etc. Just both go to bed earlier. Then there's no tiredness competing.

Well she has played you for a good un hasn’t she? Of course the replies are “just forget about the lie in”, you being a male poster and all, because you know if you had written this being a women you would have had all sorts of scathing replies about how your other half is a lazy waste of space and you deserve time off and a peaceful morning.

You need to start just leaving her to it and not backing down. As a PP said it’s confusing your child, and getting up then going back to bed really isn’t going to help the situation he’s going to be aware you’re awake and screaming in frustration and not being able to interact with you. Your wife is being a massive arsehole about this lie in. The thing is you’re just going to build the resentment up until it boils over. I’m guessing your wider relationship has issues as she seems very selfish and generally uncaring about you.

You're sleep/work times are a doddle compared with most parents. Really neither of you need lie-ins.
Who are you to judge whether they need a lie in? Everyone’s sleep needs are different and this just smacks of bitterness.

Earplugs and leave the selfish bitch to it. Oh, and ignore posters telling you you should forget all about having a lie in when you have kids, your wife certain has them so it clearly is possible. They might have out of control children who make so much noise it wakes up everyone and the neighbours but all it takes is some control over your child for an hour or two and some consideration for the other parent.

Just to ask, are you know going to have to wake her up at 8? Giving her calls? Ten more minutes? 5 more, up abs Down the stairs begging her to get up? Because that won’t end well either.

YANBU.

Assuming that OP is male which they may not be you wouldn't say that if you knew the OP was female. It would be a firm LTB