Hello everyone.
I would like some advice/opinions on the following.
My husband and I have a 11 month baby (previously lost his baby sister at 21 weeks). I work part time and my husband works mostly from home (since covid began).
We both have a home together. We have a joint account that I do not use as I feel I do not add money to it and hence I have no right to use. I pay for my travel to work etc, any things our son needs (clothes food toys etc) I don't earn enough that I am able to contribute money towards the home.
I initially worked Saturdays so that we wouldn't have to rely on child care for our son during the week, as my husband would be able to care for him. My husband says this isn't enough and I need to work more and help financially with bills. I now work an addition day a week. My husband earns £500 a day. And I get about £1000 a month.
Every morning I will ask him what he would like for dinner/lunch so that gives me enough of time to make things. I cook everything from scratch so I need time to make things. He says he doesn't know, which is fine. I end up making something that he says he doesn't want to eat and asks what else is there. All this at 5pm after he finishes work.
I give him the option of helping to give our son a bath so I can make something/do other chores...but his answer is always no because I do it better.
I do not get any time away from our son which I do not mind at all. After loosing a child I would take every moment with our son. He is very precious to me. I have never asked for time away or a break even when I have been ill. I do my best and do the chores at very odd times,but nevertheless they are done.
He says we should keep our baby in nursery so that I can work more and put money into the home but I have to search for the nursery. He doesn't want to do any of that as he says it's my responsibility to do it.
I love spending time with our son. It is such a lovely feeling to see him learn,watch him grow up and teach him things. I always count myself lucky and privileged to have been able to go home from hospital with an child that I can care for. (Sorry if this sounds dramatic)
He says that all I do is sit at home and do nothing for our son. I don't take our son out for long enough hours. I contribute nothing towards the home . I am a bad influence on our son. He has also (on a few occasions) asked me to just take my things and leave the house and that he will take care of our son and that I'm not needed.
When asked to explain, he never does give me an explanation. Just resorts to name calling and personal digs.
He believes my family should pay for the fact I'm not working full time like I was before marriage.
My family have come to visit from abroad, they are staying at my flat that was previously rented out. They will be staying for a few months. They aren't well off to be able to afford to stay at a hotel. So my extra days helps pay for the bills there. I told husband once they go back home and my flat is rented I will be able to pay money towards our home. He proceeded to bad mouth my family and say that they should pay for all the bills while they are here. I wasn't brought up to think like that. We just take care of family, they are here to see the first grandchild so not like they were permanently living here. He was having none of it. A barage of insults and name calling followed. I keep calm throughout this all as I feel retaliating will get nowhere. He will not talk to me but just belittle me. No amount of attempts to have a conversation works, and I mean a few days after his outbursts. Of I atte.pto talk about it, he will erupt again.
He says his mum and father give our son money and my family don't give money on a regular basis. I said that's not a thing we do in our family and not like we have lots of it.
Our sons 1st birthday is due and apart from his mum no one from his family are coming to see our son. Infact none of them have seen our son in person (apart from his mum). I have never made a big deal about it. It doesn't bother me if people want to see our son or not. I'm just happy to have him :) people will make their way to see him in due course at a time that suits them. Instead he takes it out on my family by saying what would they do if they didn't have my place to stay and that they would never come to see our son. So they should be grateful and pay me money for everything. I really do not see his point here. Why is he keen on people paying out, not like he has a job that pays pennies? I never get an answer when I question things...just insults and name calling.
I wanted to baptise our son as Catholic. We talked about this before we got married and he was cool about it. Now he says he does t want to baptise him, as being a Catholic is like my family, selfish and don't give money or help with bills. I told him he is perfectly fine to change his mind about the baptism if those are the reasons he fervently believes in.
All I want is for the belittling to stop and to stop treating me like crap. I can only stay calm for so long. I'm afraid this will end in divorce. There's only so much I can take.