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AIBU?

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Original poster

Please tell me this is ok

86 replies

Sprat12 · 13/05/2022 12:23

Please tell me this is acceptable.

Baby is 3 weeks old today (ftm). A mix of BF and bottle fed. I had a traumatic labour and really rocky recovery, have had bad postpartum anxiety and insomnia so I'm having a whale of a time right now.

I can't help but kick the feeling that I should be doing more. Currently sat on the sofa while kiddo naps in the Moses basket next to me. DH has just gone out for snacks and I have cancelled a friend popping over later as we had a rotten night sleep wise and I'm just wiped. DS fed for hours last night and then was really refluxy and colicky last night, through to about 4am.

I feel terribly guilty that I should be out walking, or meeting mum friends or doing something worthwhile with my day, but Jesus, I just cannot be bloody arsed.

Went for a walk yesterday with DS and DH which was supposed to be lovely but I'm still so knackered from labour recovery that we managed a 2km walk and I had to come home as I felt like a shell of a person.

Please someone make me feel better and tell me it's completely normal to want to just slob at home while trying to keep this baby fed and happy?!

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 13/05/2022 12:24

Congratulations, sounds like u are doing great to me. Stay home & cosy with your new baby. Xx

Zemw · 13/05/2022 12:24

Jesus, give yourself a break. Baby is 3 weeks, of course laying about is normal and fine !

choosername1234 · 13/05/2022 12:26

It is completely normal to want to stay at home and do nothing. It is completely normal to be unable to do anything else than sit on the sofa and care for your baby. Your body will recover and you will be able to do more, in your own time. For now all you need to do is meet the needs of your baby (and you). Box sets all the way Halo

Gemzee · 13/05/2022 12:26

Stay home, eat biscuits, watch tv. Just do what you need to - I hated visiters coming at that point. Loads of time for meet ups & baby groups etc.

PoseyFlump · 13/05/2022 12:27

You will blink and suddenly they are teenagers. Enjoy every second with baby and do what YOU want to do. Don't worry about anything else or what anyone thinks. You're doing fab Flowers

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 13/05/2022 12:27

Do what your body tells you. If you sit down for most of the day because you are knackered, that is fine. Congratulations on your lovely baby and feel better soon.

starrynight21 · 13/05/2022 12:27

Baby doesn't know if he is at home or outside in the pram - he is just fine as he is. He doesn't need to be walked . And the last thing you need to do is to force yourself to "do something worthwhile" . Chilling out at home with a newborn baby is very worthwhile ! Lay back and enjoy .

Wynston · 13/05/2022 12:36

congratulations op!! take time to recover there is no rush for anything pjs on, sofa and tv just relax oh and of course delicious snacks!!!
enjoy watching ur beautiful baby sleeping on ur chest this is just one moment in time x

rainyskylight · 13/05/2022 12:38

your body is healing. your job right now is to rest so that heal and you can look after your baby.

Change123today · 13/05/2022 12:40

Listen to your body - it’s telling you to chill.

I honestly think the first 6 weeks are about finding the rhythm that works (then the next 18 years too!)

Enjoy this time :)

WarmWinterSun · 13/05/2022 12:42

OP, you are doing it right! You should rest as much as you can at this stage. Your tiny, tiny baby doesn’t need trips out. Your baby will want to be at home with you and all your smells and familiar sounds. You aren’t ‘slobbing’, you’re recovering and spending time with your baby. It can take so much longer to recover than we are led to believe- I remember it took me quite a while when I had my first baby and I wasn’t expecting that. Be kind to yourself, as that is the best thing for you and your baby.

GabriellaMontez · 13/05/2022 12:42

You should be doing fuck all. Some people are running around the next day. You've had a traumatic Labour and delivery. Just recover. Enjoy.

Ps the voting isn't clear that's why you have a split.

Thatsplentyjack · 13/05/2022 12:42

Of course it's OK. Do what make you happy and what you need to to recover.

tiredanddangerous · 13/05/2022 12:42

2km walk at 3 weeks post partum? Fuck that shit. Sit on your arse and eat biscuits for as long as you can. A newborn doesn't have a clue where he/she is.

nearlyspringyay · 13/05/2022 12:43

Your baby is 3 weeks old, you're meant to do fuck all until you WANT to.

Congratulations!

TokyoSushi · 13/05/2022 12:44

OP it's absolutely fine, give yourself a break. Have another think at 6 or 8 weeks, but just rest for now.

JenniferBarkley · 13/05/2022 12:44

Absolutely fine OP! Please be kinder to yourself. I was shattered at three weeks.

The only think I will say is that a good friend would happily come around and veg on the sofa with you, and not expect to be hosted. The company might lift you a little. But if you really don't want to then you're just right to cancel.

LoveSpringDaffs · 13/05/2022 12:45

Congratulations!!!

You're not sleeping well, you're only 3 weeks past carrying & birthing a whole new human!!

Sitting/cuddling/feeding (both of you) is plenty!!

DH has gone out for snacks, so can I assume he's not putting pressure on you to get your fitness/figure back?

Going out for a short walk is good for you, hood for your body & your MH, but no need to go miles. And sometimes you really just cba. That's when I think we NEED to go out more, but here I am on MN!! 😂

very envious of your snuggles with 3 week old DS!!

LidlMissSunshine · 13/05/2022 12:49

Is it your first baby? With my first I overdid it. I was up and about, walking everywhere, doing some housework, etc. I was trying to prove I was super mum. Probably a mixture of anxiety, running on adrenaline and massive guilt from
looking at too much manufactured mummy perfection on social media. It did me no favours at all.

When I had my second baby, I kept my eldest in nursery and spent the first two months after the birth doing fuck all except breastfeeding, watching Netflix and eating toast. As I should have done the first time around.

You stay put on that sofa and don’t move. Unless it’s to put a biscuit in your mouth or cuddle your baby.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/05/2022 12:49

Of course its ok, rest and snack and enjoy!

sleepymum50 · 13/05/2022 12:50

These first weeks/months are just a blink of an eye in your life. I got suckered into it and found myself breastfeeding my 3week old baby sitting on a stool in an outside pub toilet in fucking November!

I wish someone had told me to tell them all to fuck off.

I once advised a couple with a new baby who were wondering which relatives they should try to see over Christmas, to just stay at home on their own as the baby was so new. She later told me that they had done that, and how it had been the right choice.

I read that in China? they used to have a tradition where the mother stayed at home and had no visitors for the first month of her new baby’s life.

im going to suggest this to my daughter if she has a baby. Obviously, she can choose if she wants to have me around as chief bottle washer.

listen to your body, it’s a huge thing your body has done, and you’ve had a tough time. It takes time to heal. I remember a midwife coming around just after birth, and I apologised for still being in my dressing gown mid morning. She told me she was happy to see me like that, it meant I wasn’t trying to do too much.

if there’s ever a time for lying around in a milky dream - this is it.

whyayepetal · 13/05/2022 12:57

OP - step far, far away from social media! Those posts of perfect times with tiny babies are not reality. I sympathise completely - DD1 was a reflux/colicky baby and it was very hard work (and I had a much easier time of it in labour than you did). Take it gently and slowly - your little one will be fine if you don’t do the insta-stuff. He is busy building a connection with you and your DH, so as long as you are there to love and look after him, he will be happy (might shout a bit if he is colicky- we found a bit of warmth helped for DD1, so lying her on one of us, stomach to stomach was quite soothing). You are doing great OP, just keep swimming as Dory would say 😊

ShirleyPhallus · 13/05/2022 12:59

This is just about the only time when you will be able to do this so make the most of it!

Pjs on, boxset on, biscuits and cake in hand, water / tea / whatever you want. Maybe sit in the garden later as it’s a lovely day but absolutely make the most of being lazy, it’s essential at this point

DaphneeBridgerton · 13/05/2022 13:01

Nooooo please give yourself a break

I was out “doing things” constantly from about 1 week post partum and it’s my biggest regret

I wish I’d taken it easy, made the most of baby cuddles and generally had lower standards tbh

Rest whenever possible and do not feel bad about it!

Drame · 13/05/2022 13:02

Enjoy! Celebrate the end of each day that you and your baby get through with your physical and mental health intact. It’s all they need at this stage in their lives- won’t stay like that for long so put your feet up, watch Netflix, eat biscuits and enjoy the snuggles.

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