To get a cat if visiting family are allergic?

[chatterbug22]

We are considering adopting our first furry friend, ideally a cat due to our busy working lifestyles.

It is all I can think about! We have done our research, spoken to people with cats that we know and contacted a local rescue, and they have approved our home check for one indoor cat.

My mum had a cat for years and took antihistamines daily but is very allergic to them and saying she would rather we didn’t get one as she couldn’t visit if we did.

Of course it’s a big decision and commitment, I hate the thought of my mum/family never visiting us and feel a bit selfish if they were unable to because of a choice I made.

Thoughts??

How often does she visit at the moment and why couldn’t she take an antihistamine? If she’s round every day I might reconsider but if it’s once a month or something then I would get the cat and just meet your mum at hers or a public place.

I don’t think this will be a popular opinion but I would get the cat! Let mum visit in the garden, or take an antihistamine

Can’t she just take an antihistamine begore she comes & open windows, how long does she stay & how often does she come?

I have a cat & dog & 2 friends that are allergic & it is always fine!

@Retrievemysanity @Thehop @StarDolphins maybe once a week?

They’re good suggestions, thank you. I just feel selfish over it but at the same time I’m sure we’d be able to meet for a coffee or I could go to her!

If it’s once a week I would suggest to her that 1 week you go to hers or meet somewhere & if she wants to come to yours the next week then she can take antihistamines & have the window open.seems extreme for x1 per week!

The thing with allergies is that, unless you have proper desensitisation, they tend to get worse with sporadic exposure.

I had a very mild allergy that I could treat with antihistamines when I lived at home with my parents and their cats. By the time I'd been moved out for a few years, I couldn't go home without having a full blown asthma attack, and no amount of antihistamines and window opening would help. I was served in a pub the other day by a waitress who had a cat. That triggered an attack because apparently one bloody hair is enough.

So maybe you're fine only seeing your mum at hers or in a pub for the next 15 years. But what will that do to your relationship?

Get the cat. I don't think it is fair for you to deny your household the joy of pet ownership because of visitors.

DH (much) younger siblings used to stay with us in school holidays and we’re very allergic to our many cats. We just used to hoover every day, wipe cats with damp flannel every day and give antihistamines. They would occasionally get a bit sneezy etc but it definitely helped as usually cats would have them in hives!

My mum is allergic and we have three cats and a dog!

She comes over weekly and takes an anti-histamine beforehand and I open the windows too. It's no problem whatsoever.

I used to live in a house with a cat, but my allergies got worse as time went on. Now I wouldn't spend more than half an hour in a house with a cat.

YANBU it's your life and your decision, as long as you are prepared to live with the consequence that your mum won't want to spend time at yours.

PIL got a cat and they know I am allergic to them, they just make sure they clean before I come over and I take antihistamine before I go, I still sneeze and cough but it's not too bad.

I wouldn't. It's not just any person, it's your mum. Would you really be happy meeting in the garden all the time? Depends on your relationship with her, but I wouldn't place a pet over that.

I misread the title - I thought you were purposely getting a cat because your extended family are allergic! 😆
It really depends how often mum visits. Does she do childcare? Babysitting? If not & she comes rounds infrequently, I'd get the cat 🐾

I'd think hard about this tbh. I can see why you'd want a cat and of course it's your home but I'm not sure about the message it's sending your mum

She's clearly a frequent visitor and it seems a shame to upset her in my opinion

I wouldn't consider planning my life around people that aren't in it on a daily basis. Your mum was happy to take antihistamines for years when she had the benefit of cats, but won't consider taking them for a day/few days so she can visit you if you get them? Come on, not only is it emotional blackmail but it's bloody selfish to boot

If you want a cat, get a cat

I’d choose my mum’s health and comfort over getting a cat, and if you wouldn’t, I think that says a lot about either you as a person, or about your relationship with you mum.

This absolutely!
Your Mum did what she wanted in her own home now it's your turn to do the same.

My son’s allergic and I desperately wanted a furry friend-used to have dog but not an option. It’s not all cats though-so instead of getting a rescue moggy, I adopted a retiring breeding Bengal as I’d read they had less of the allergy causing protein. I did get him to meet her beforehand and luckily, he had no reaction at all-and still doesn’t when he visits. His gran has 2 long haired cats but he just takes an anti histamine before he visits and puts up with a bit of sneezing.

I would get a cat. You can’t live your life around other people.

get the cat. I am vaguely allergic to my dog. wouldn't swop her for the world .

He certainly doesn’t view his gran as ‘prioritising a pet over their relationship.’ Are people really like this or is it just on mn?

Just get the cat. My cat gives more to this family in love , affection, emotional support, entertainment than any visitor will ever do. Your guests can take an anti histamine, stay in garden or may not really be as allergic as they think.
Sorry I love my cat more than most people 😂

Get the cat , in fact get 2 , your mum can take pills or you can meet elsewhere .

My step mum is very allergic to cats/dogs and my 6 year old very allergic to cats. My mum and sister both have cats and dogs.
my step mum chooses not to visit the house if she can avoid it - we’re all close - and tries to meet at hers or outside. We have no choice but to visit and stay at my sisters and mums due to distance between houses and the fact we want to see them for longer than a day. My daughter takes antihistamines and does struggle with a wheezy chest sometimes. But my sister and mum do their best to mitigate it with hoovering and blocking animals from rooms.
I’d never expect them not to get pets - it’s their life and house. If it got much worse for my daughter then we wouldn’t go and would meet them at ours. Trade off I guess.

I'm very allergic to cats. My daughter has cats. It makes me sad I can't visit her house but I can't ask her to put having a pet she loves until I pop my clogs.

I may feel differently if she has children because antihistamines only mean I can spend about 10 minutes in a house before being very ill.