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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a cat if visiting family are allergic?

84 replies

chatterbug22 · 12/05/2022 19:18

We are considering adopting our first furry friend, ideally a cat due to our busy working lifestyles.

It is all I can think about! We have done our research, spoken to people with cats that we know and contacted a local rescue, and they have approved our home check for one indoor cat.

My mum had a cat for years and took antihistamines daily but is very allergic to them and saying she would rather we didn’t get one as she couldn’t visit if we did.

Of course it’s a big decision and commitment, I hate the thought of my mum/family never visiting us and feel a bit selfish if they were unable to because of a choice I made.

Thoughts??

OP posts:

HermioneWeasley · 12/05/2022 20:43

As others have said, it’s your choice but you have to accept that if you get one she’s perfectly reasonable to not visit.

BungleandGeorge · 12/05/2022 20:49

Is there a reason why you’re getting an indoor cat? That would be worse for someone with allergies. Also if you’re busy with work one indoor cat is going to be very bored and lonely

JenniferNightingale1 · 12/05/2022 20:53

Get the cat, so many desperately need rescuing🐈
I'm sure you can sort out the mum situation..go to hers, garden in the summer. Kitchen in the winter, quick wipe and mop in kitchen before she arrives.

pantsofshame · 12/05/2022 20:57

It's entirely your choice but you do need to go in to this with a realistic idea of the implications. There is a chance that your mum may be unwell around your cat even with antihistamines- they do not cure the problem and it is very possible that she got used to her own cat through constant exposure but may be terrible with yours (this happened to me when I lived with a cat for a while- I became even worse around other cats). Allergies can also get worse with age (mine have- in my youth cats just gave me a bit of a sniffle but now they can trigger a full blown asthma attack that no amount of ventolin seems to touch). Also, the symptoms can be more dangerous and painful as people get older (just like any illness can be more dangerous for the elderly).

How would you feel if your mum cannot come in to your house for longer than a few minutes for the rest of her/the cat's life? Would you be happy to only visit outside or at her place?

DaffodillSky · 12/05/2022 20:59

One of my dc is allergic to my sisters cat and honestly it's changed how our family operates. My sister has always had a cat, dd wasn't ever allergic to any of them before, but she is really, really allergic to this one.

We can no longer pop and see them without them fully preparing.

Airing out the rooms and spray stuff around. Dd has to have antihistamine before she gets there. She's had to come home from sleepovers a couple of times now and we can't have Christmas there any more which her dc don't like as they are always at some one else's house every year now.

OneCup · 12/05/2022 21:02

If you see her once a week, you are presumably close. Won't you miss seeing her that often/ at home?
If she's allergic and antihistamines don't work anymore, she's not being a diva or anything

MallampatiCatty · 12/05/2022 21:05

Get the cat

FairyCakeWings · 12/05/2022 21:06

It depends how much your Mum comes to your house normally. If she’s a regular visitor then it would be really hurtful to her to purposely do something that would cause her to suffer, either through allergy symptoms or seeing her family less.

If she doesn’t come over much and you still make the effort to see her just as often, then get the cat if you must.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 12/05/2022 21:07

Love all the people saying on here just take an antihistamine and open the windows.

l have severe cat allergy. Anti histamines make fuck all difference. Neither dies opening a window. The allergen molecules stick to the walls for months, so don’t just float out of the window. Hoovering makes no difference either.

Ds is getting a cat. He’s got an outside bit, and when l visit I’ll sit there.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 12/05/2022 21:10

It’s got much worse as l’ve got older, I’d probably need steroids and a nebuliser now. Inhalers don’t touch it, l just sit there wheezing, sneezing coughing and swelling g up. Eyes close, lips puff up, tonsils hurt.

Sure, I’ll just take an anti histamine🙄

purplesequins · 12/05/2022 21:11

yabu

it's your choice to get a pet.
but allergies are awful and you mother has a choice to visit less if it affects her health greatly.
antihistamines are great medicines. but I wouldn't want to take it regularly if I can avoid the allergen.

AMBE123 · 12/05/2022 21:25

It depends on the strength of the allergy really. Some people can take an antihistamine and be fine. I also expect there are people can't take antihistamines for whatever reason, or they don't work.

In my case, I am hyper allergic to cats. If I sit within a couple of metres of a cat owner, eg in office, in a restaurant etc I react within a couple of minutes and have to take an antihistamine - that works for mild exposure like that.
However, if I visit a friend with a cat, even if I take a strong antihistamine beforehand, I can spend max 5 minutes indoors before I start wheezing. The asthma will then carry on for a couple of days afterwards unless I take an antihistamine for the days afterwards as well. When my adult DC had a cat and visited me, they used to bring a change of clothes and put their catty clothes in a bag at the door.

I really like cats btw and would love to have one but it's out of the question. Anyway, if my DC wanted to get a cat I'd be kind of disappointed, I would feel like they chose a cat over time with me. I wouldn't stand in their way but it would severely restrict the ability to hang out with them and babysit etc

Ponderingwindow · 12/05/2022 21:31

I kept my cats, despite my mother developing an allergy but that was because she only visited every few years anyway. She still visited with the same frequency, but even with medication, couldn’t spend more than about 10 minutes in my home after extensive prep and cleaning. She also had asthma so an allergy triggering was especially dangerous. She would pop in for a quick tour and we would meet her at her hotel or at other venues the entire rest of the time she was in town.

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 12/05/2022 21:32

Came on to say if it's mil get 3 dcats...
I am allergic and we have 2.
And ahem 4 ddogs...
😬

MangyInseam · 12/05/2022 21:34

It depends. Some people are much more allergic than others. I have a close relative who really can't visit a place with a cat, so we don't have one. Antihistamines don't always really do much.

ScrollingLeaves · 12/05/2022 21:38

Have you thought of a cat which is less likely to cause strong allergic reactions:
www.bluecross.org.uk/advice/cat/hypoallergenic-cats

It would need to be a particular breed, but sometimes you can find rescue organisations for a breed.

WhackingPhoenix · 12/05/2022 21:40

I’ve got three cats, none of whom I am allergic to. My mum has one cat and my dad has two. I am very allergic to all of those.

Your DM might not even be allergic to your cat.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 12/05/2022 21:40

Hypoallergenic makes no difference for severe allergy sufferers.

easyday · 12/05/2022 21:51

My son is allergic and I have two cats. He comes to stay for a weekend about once a month or more. I have air purifiers in each floor and he takes allergy pills starting a few days before his visit, and the room he sleeps in is off limits to the cats. He sniffles a bit but no real problem.

romdowa · 12/05/2022 21:54

My mother is mildly allergic to cats ... I recently got 2 kittens. My mother doesn't live with me and can take an antihistamine if she wants to come over. Why would your mother have a say about what you do in your own house

PinkSyCo · 12/05/2022 21:57

I would chose my mum over a cat all day long. Then again my mum is dead and I’m not a cat lover so……

SavoyCabbage · 12/05/2022 21:59

I’m sure we’d be able to meet for a coffee or I could go to her!
Potentially forever though, depending on how allergic she is. She might never be able to spend a spontaneous couple of hours at your house.

Ragwort · 12/05/2022 22:06

Entirely your choice and depends how important it is that your mother visits you at home. My DH is allergic to cats and he just doesn't visit people who have cats - neither side (or the cats !) seem bothered .

Triceratopsrock · 12/05/2022 22:07

I’m very allergic to cats. I used to be able to live with one. But it’s got worse over the years and now I can’t go into a house with a cat without having an asthma attack.

I guess it’s important to think about what kind of relationship you want with your mum long term. Meeting for coffee and going to hers is great if that works for you. Will it always be ok? Are you planning on having kids? Would you be wanting to invite your mum over to baby
sit etc? Are you likely to move further away to somewhere that would require your mum to visit occasionally?

allergies are miserable. Pets are lovely. I hope you find a way to make it work.

Blaze1886 · 13/05/2022 00:02

You're an adult now but your mother is still dictating your life.

Time to show her you're not a little child anymore. It's your house, if you want to get a cat, get a cat.

Your mother can have you round to her's.

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