Driving woes

[SeventyNineBottlesOfWine]

I don't know what I want from posting here really, I suppose either a bit of empathy or to be told to just suck it up if I am being unreasonable.

Basically I drive and my partner doesn't. He's currently having lessons and his test was due next week.

He set up a gardening business in July last year. As he cannot drive it's me who has to drive him to and from all his jobs- which I was ok with for a short while.

I've now been doing this for a year and also balancing this with the needs of my baby and older daughter.

I plan the day around picking him up and dropping him off every day. Sometimes this can be up to four times a day and early on when he first started his business it was sometimes up to 8 times a day. Thankfully not anymore.

He can't always estimate his finish time so will often ring asking to be picked up earlier which interrupts my baby's nap times resulting in a very whingey grumpy baby to look after.

He told me this week that his provisional licence has expired and when I asked him what he was going to do about his test he said he'd have to cancel it. He'd applied for a renewal 0on their website in September last year!

He's known about his licence expiring for months and hasn't contacted the DVLA to follow it up. He's just left it and left it until we've reached this point.

There are no tests available to rebook for at least a year, so this means another year of me ferrying him here, there and everywhere until he can attempt a test.

I have no life as every day is taken up with driving him around, so I can't make plans with friends or plans to do things with my baby.

I'm in absolute despair and so furious with him.

I think what makes matters worse is the expectation that I'll just drive him anywhere and everywhere even without much notice e.g. , I'll have been driving him round to jobs all week from Monday to Saturday, then he'll ring his Dad on Sunday and arrange to see him and expect me to take him there and pick him up afterwards.

I don't know what to do . I can't refuse to take him as then his business that we've both worked so hard to build up and have invested money in will fail, but equally I can't continue like this.

Has he tried contacting the DVLA now?

He needs to employ an apprentice. Ideally one that can drive. When he calls to be picked up earlier just say no not til baby wakes up from their nap etc. Stop being a doormat.

No he still hasn't attempted calling the DVLA. 😔

He needs to find alternative ways to deal with his business.

Seems incredibly stupid to setup a mobile business and not be mobile. Fair enough ask for help in the short run but he is absolutely taking the piss.

I agree with PP who said he needs to hire a driving apprentice.

That's a good idea about employing an apprentice that can drive. Thank you.

This is my problem, I feel he's absolutely taking me for granted.

Seems incredibly stupid to setup a mobile business and not be mobile. Fair enough ask for help in the short run but he is absolutely taking the piss.

Basically this. It’s a ridiculous business to set up as a non-driver.

He’s taking advantage massively.

I’m assuming you’re on maternity leave - what happens when you go back?

I'm currently not working but was hoping to go back in September. My older daughter has a disability that is being operated on shortly and I need to remain at home to look after her until she's had her op and recovered from it.

I have no idea what he's going to do as with my daughter's op I won't be able to take him either as she'll be non mobile and will need me to remain at home with her.

Did he not consider it was a strange choice before having his licence? What did he do before?

He was supposed to be driving long before now! He didn't try to book his test until later either so didn't get one until May.
I was happy to help him out for a few months, but due to not booking his test on time and then now with his licence expired it's going to be a hell of a lot longer which is something I did not sign up for!

He used to be a chef. It was poor pay and long hours. The gardening business is very successful and he earns double the amount he earned as a chef, which as a family helps massively as we now don't struggle so much.
It's the practicalities I struggle with.

Why? Stand with him and get him to do it now.

Thats good then. Plenty of money to employ a driver.

I don't know why. He just keeps putting it off.
I'm going to force him to do it this evening, but I imagine it will be too late now.

YANBU. He’s a knob.

I know they were keeping slots back for those who have to reschedule due to covid. Do with that information what you will. Cancellation will mean he’s at the back of the (extremely long) queue.

Because you're letting him. Start making it difficult, plan days out etc tell him he'll have to get taxis or sort himself out. He'd got it too good thats why he can't be arsed sorting it out. Are you sure he actually ever applied to the dvla for a renewal?! Do you work? If not maybe get a part time job. You're not his slave.

Yes, I'm going to have to tell him that he will have to employ someone who drives to work with him. I had suggested employing an apprentice before, but he had wanted to wait a while (I don't know why), but I'm going to have to tell him he has no option as I just can't continue like this.
It probably sounds really stupid, but it's making me feel so depressed.
All I do every day is ferry him around. I have no life at all.

You need to make this less easy for him to maintain the status quo. Finished early? Sorry but won’t be there until nap time is finished.weekend leisure trips? nope sorry not after a week of playing chauffeur.

I do know he did apply for a renewal, I saw him doing it online. However something's obviously gone wrong for him not to have received it yet and my gripe with him is that he's not attempted to chase it up and has left it and left it until we're in the situation we're in now.

Can he get a bike and trailer in the meantime?

How come you haven't told him it's getting tough for you and you need him to look into other options?

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe I couldn't sleep last night as I was laid awake worrying about the whole situation and also my daughter's op (she's having major surgery) and I can't leave her home alone after it so can't be driving him everywhere.
I did come to the conclusion that I'm just going to have to do as you say and start saying no to him.
So when he rings early, I'll say no, he'll have to wait and also he'll have to get the bus or something to his Dad's.
I'm hoping the inconvenience might spur him into action.
However, I feel very disappointed in him that he can't just take action himself anyway due to not wanting to put all this on me.

Watchkeys IU have told him repeatedly that I can't cope with it anymore, but his test was coming up so I thought it would just be a little while longer then it would be over. But now, obviously the situation has changed and I just can't take anymore of it.

I'm hoping the inconvenience might spur him into action

If you voicing your concerns to him doesn't spur him into action, you don't have a driving problem, you have a respect problem.

Does he magnificently pull his weight in other areas in the relationship?

WeirdManFromRummikub This was an idea I thought of last night too. Something's going to have to give and if it means him cycling to and from jobs then so be it. I just cannot do anymore.