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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driving woes

99 replies

SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 12/05/2022 10:52

I don't know what I want from posting here really, I suppose either a bit of empathy or to be told to just suck it up if I am being unreasonable.

Basically I drive and my partner doesn't. He's currently having lessons and his test was due next week.

He set up a gardening business in July last year. As he cannot drive it's me who has to drive him to and from all his jobs- which I was ok with for a short while.

I've now been doing this for a year and also balancing this with the needs of my baby and older daughter.

I plan the day around picking him up and dropping him off every day. Sometimes this can be up to four times a day and early on when he first started his business it was sometimes up to 8 times a day. Thankfully not anymore.

He can't always estimate his finish time so will often ring asking to be picked up earlier which interrupts my baby's nap times resulting in a very whingey grumpy baby to look after.

He told me this week that his provisional licence has expired and when I asked him what he was going to do about his test he said he'd have to cancel it. He'd applied for a renewal 0on their website in September last year!

He's known about his licence expiring for months and hasn't contacted the DVLA to follow it up. He's just left it and left it until we've reached this point.

There are no tests available to rebook for at least a year, so this means another year of me ferrying him here, there and everywhere until he can attempt a test.

I have no life as every day is taken up with driving him around, so I can't make plans with friends or plans to do things with my baby.

I'm in absolute despair and so furious with him.

I think what makes matters worse is the expectation that I'll just drive him anywhere and everywhere even without much notice e.g. , I'll have been driving him round to jobs all week from Monday to Saturday, then he'll ring his Dad on Sunday and arrange to see him and expect me to take him there and pick him up afterwards.

I don't know what to do . I can't refuse to take him as then his business that we've both worked so hard to build up and have invested money in will fail, but equally I can't continue like this.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 12/05/2022 15:05

Has he looked at the online tracker?

pastaislife · 12/05/2022 15:21

Hmm, it sounds like he hasn't applied to renew his license and is trying to cover?! basic renewals (where it doesn't need an actual person to look at it, like medical renewals) are coming back quickly, I got one back within 2 weeks recently.

Also you can get tests much sooner than a year if you actually TRY. You can pay a few quid for an app like Testi, and it shows you cancellations as they come up. lots come up almost instantly, as people cancel if they are ill etc, so if you're ready to go you can usually grab one of those straightaway.

qpmz · 12/05/2022 15:26

When you take him to his Dads on the weekend make sure the kids go too so you get a break for a few hours and they get to spend time with Grandad.

I'd find this a nightmare. The apprentice idea is a good one otherwise he needs to be an employee where someone else can drive.

We have this in our family. My Dad can't drive neither can my 40 year old brother.

Testina · 12/05/2022 15:27

SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 12/05/2022 15:02

He said he’d applied online, which I saw him do. He tried ringing them twice to chase it up but they didn’t answer the phone, then nothing!

So he hasn’t tracked it online or emailed them?

Poor you, he’s really been useless dick over this, hasn’t he?!

RestlessMillennial · 12/05/2022 17:53

I do sympathise OP but tbh, I am absolutely flabbergasted that someone can set up a GARDENING business who doesn't drive. He should have waited until he had passed his test. It's ridiculous to be honest, have customers not noticed that he's being dropped off and picked up? I'm surprised that doesn't embarass him and spur him on to do the test. Also what if you fell ill or had an emergency, he wouldn't be able to get to jobs then would he?

RestlessMillennial · 12/05/2022 17:58

I don't think I've ever known of a self employed Gardener who doesn't have a driving licence and own transport, most job vacancies for gardeners ask for this as standard.

DixonD · 12/05/2022 18:02

There’s a 16 year old boy in my area who started his own gardening business when he left school. He used his bike to start with, with a trailer and now drives a little tuk tuk, I think they’re called. If he can do it…

DixonD · 12/05/2022 18:02

I hope he pays for the fuel.

Original poster
SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 12/05/2022 18:23

restlessmillennial yes his customers do notice, but none say anything.
If I’ve been Ill I still drive him to and from jobs. If there was an emergency he’d have to cancel the job and rearrange I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 12/05/2022 18:24

DixonD yes he buys all the fuel. I did put my foot down on that.

OP posts:
looselegs · 12/05/2022 18:31

There's an app you can get that notifies you of cancellations for driving tests- my daughter was told the wait was 9 months, but got one within a couple of weeks. You have to pay a small fee for it but its worth it! I'm sure its called Testy

Original poster
SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 12/05/2022 18:42

Thank you! I’ll tell him to have a look at that!

OP posts:
Testina · 12/05/2022 18:48

I think it’s Testi not Testy - from another AIBU on front page today 🤣

ForcingSmiles · 12/05/2022 18:57

If he's been planning to do his test for two years how many times has he done his theory? that only lasts two years

ForcingSmiles · 12/05/2022 18:58

for ten years sorry, as the theory only last two years has he just done his theory 5 times? or has he not bothered and booked his test anyway without it? (They won't let you take the test without a valid theory certificate)

AtomicBlondeRose · 12/05/2022 19:26

This sounds nuts. My DP has a gardening business but no way could he do it without a car. For a start he has loads of tools and kit to lug around, he needs a trailer often for tip runs and his big mower, he goes to garden centres all the time, carries pots and plants around…it’s not just getting to and from the job! There’s not even room for someone else and a child seat when his car is loaded so how the hell is he doing anything more than the total basics without all that? Absolutely crazy.

FinallyHere · 12/05/2022 19:34

what makes matters worse is the expectation that I'll just drive him anywhere and everywhere even without much notice

Maybe try confounding that expectation.

Harshmug · 12/05/2022 19:36

Apologies, I haven't RTFT so may have already been mentioned, but this could affect your car insurance OP.
You should check with your insurer as your cover may not be adequate. Using the vehicle for business/commercial purposes, even driving another person for their business, is often not included in a regular policy.

wonkygorgeous · 13/05/2022 08:19

SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 12/05/2022 11:39

WeirdManFromRummikub This was an idea I thought of last night too. Something's going to have to give and if it means him cycling to and from jobs then so be it. I just cannot do anymore.

My son has just purchased an electric bike from Poland as he couldn't get his driving licence, or even lessons to fit around work.

Could he look into an electric bike with a small trailer, similar to those you put toddlers in?

The range is far, they last for 30-90 miles depending on the effort put in. They recharge fast too.

I'd be asking him to invest In this temporarily, he can always sell it when he gets a car.

Shinyandnew1 · 13/05/2022 08:29

I can’t believe you’ve buoy a business based on him learning to drive! What if he fails repeatedly?!

Tell him to get a bike.

The weekends is ridiculous-why aw you facilitating that?! He can walk/get a bus/get daddy to get him?! How did he visit his dad before he started dating a ‘woman with a van’?! He is taking complete advance but you are letting him.

Original poster
SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 13/05/2022 08:39

Atomic I do the tip runs, driving to timber merchants, to garden centres etc.
He has a friend with a van who he pays to do tip runs if there’s loads of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 13/05/2022 08:40

Harshmug I changed our insurance when he started, so we’re covered.

OP posts:
Original poster
SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 13/05/2022 08:44

Shinyandnew he used to live on the same road as his dad so it was easy for him to visit him.
His dad isn’t able to pick him up as he’s elderly and has been I’ll with cancer.
Hes in recovery now, but there used to be a lot of hospital appointments again which fell to me to drive him to and from.
Last year I had some days where it would be back and forth to gardening jobs and the hospital all day with only half an hour in between each and all the driving would only stop once it was evening.

OP posts:
Original poster
SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 13/05/2022 08:47

Wonkygorgeous he’s going to have a look at electric bikes. They won’t be big enough for lots of jobs, but if it can at least cut it down a bit.

OP posts:
IfNoTwitterThenWhat · 13/05/2022 08:53

my partner doesn’t drive which is incredibly frustrating but he doesn’t do this! He has a job he can get to by public transport and cycles whenever he can. And I STILL find it really difficult because all of the family transport falls to me. Im afraid for short term pain you’ll have to just stop facilitating him and if he misses work so be it. You are also facing a life time of driving the kids to every activity unless he gets this sorted. Good luck !