Driving woes

[SeventyNineBottlesOfWine]

I don't know what I want from posting here really, I suppose either a bit of empathy or to be told to just suck it up if I am being unreasonable.

Basically I drive and my partner doesn't. He's currently having lessons and his test was due next week.

He set up a gardening business in July last year. As he cannot drive it's me who has to drive him to and from all his jobs- which I was ok with for a short while.

I've now been doing this for a year and also balancing this with the needs of my baby and older daughter.

I plan the day around picking him up and dropping him off every day. Sometimes this can be up to four times a day and early on when he first started his business it was sometimes up to 8 times a day. Thankfully not anymore.

He can't always estimate his finish time so will often ring asking to be picked up earlier which interrupts my baby's nap times resulting in a very whingey grumpy baby to look after.

He told me this week that his provisional licence has expired and when I asked him what he was going to do about his test he said he'd have to cancel it. He'd applied for a renewal 0on their website in September last year!

He's known about his licence expiring for months and hasn't contacted the DVLA to follow it up. He's just left it and left it until we've reached this point.

There are no tests available to rebook for at least a year, so this means another year of me ferrying him here, there and everywhere until he can attempt a test.

I have no life as every day is taken up with driving him around, so I can't make plans with friends or plans to do things with my baby.

I'm in absolute despair and so furious with him.

I think what makes matters worse is the expectation that I'll just drive him anywhere and everywhere even without much notice e.g. , I'll have been driving him round to jobs all week from Monday to Saturday, then he'll ring his Dad on Sunday and arrange to see him and expect me to take him there and pick him up afterwards.

I don't know what to do . I can't refuse to take him as then his business that we've both worked so hard to build up and have invested money in will fail, but equally I can't continue like this.

What about looking for a gardening job for someone else in the meantime, council, large school, country house, national trust etc. Where he works in one place or other gardeners use the company vehicle. The council often seem to be looking for staff here as do private schools.

My df was a gardener on foot many years ago. His customers were limited to the local area but he did OK. He was once stopped by the police who wanted to search his holdall as he had been seen carrying it from house to house and was suspected of dealing drugs!! Would love to have seen df's face when his bag was searched!

Imo your dh isn't remotely interested in driving or being responsible for himself. He sees you as staff op. You need to put him straight..

They might be easier to get to with public transport I mean.

Uber is his friend. Just add it to the price he quotes

IfNoTwitterThenWhat you're correct it's me driving the children everywhere too and will be for the foreseeable!

Years before this I told my partner he should consider getting a bike, but he didn't. I suppose it's far easier for him to be ferried around by me!

Bayleaf we did consider that, but the pay is atrocious working for councils or housing associations.

XelaM Uber wouldn't be an option as he has lots of equipment to take with him and bags of garden waste to take away and to the tip. They wouldn't allow it in their taxis.

Honestly you're being such a mug. Have you actually spoken to him yet. Properly spoken to him and given him an ultimatum?

Chickenandcows yes I spoke to him yesterday and said I couldn’t keep on doing it. That I have no life and it’s too much stress for it to all fall on me to be the only driver.

What a pain! I can understand why this was the arrangement to start with but assume that this far down the line you expected he would have passed his test & be driving & does seem quite selfish that he’s done nothing about it given the tome he’s had. It’s awkward one because he needs to work to earn money so can’t just stop taking him! Are there any test centres a bit further away that have any test slots if that’s even a possibility? I know that my neighbour went 40 miles away just so could get a sooner test date. Also I think they have cancellations quite frequently which he could be on standby for?

Hollygolightly you’re correct that I can’t just stop taking him as then we’d have no income coming in and yes it was ok short term, but I had no idea it would drag on until now and then to be told it could be another year! I’ve had enough!
He did look further afield yesterday and has now found a test for July this year, so that’s one positive.
However, my opinion of him has really lowered. The blasé way he’s gone about this and the way he just expects me to drive all over. I feel completely taken for granted.

Well at least there’s light at the end of the tunnel with his booked test but that’s no guarantee he’ll pass (sorry to be so negative, I hope for your sake he does)
You feel taken for granted because you are but he’s got you over a barrel as he knows you cannot refuse so he doesn’t see the rush to change the situation. I have to say that in general people who don’t drive never understand how much it pisses off drivers when they are asked for a lift here & there like it’s no inconvenience for us! Well it bloody is! I do hope he passes his test soon

Hollygolightly it really is a huge inconvenience. I made him drop a job earlier this year as it was a 30 minute drive away (sometimes more depending on traffic) he said it’s only half an hour away and I replied yeah for you! It’s 2 hours of driving for me to get you there, go home, then pick you up again!

Haa he rang about his licence yet?

No, but he did receive a renewal form through the post yesterday. He’s filled it in and sent it off so hopefully this will sort it.

I cannot stand that mentality the non drivers have about how long it takes to get places..bet he won’t think like that when he does drive! It’s also so stressful driving nowadays with road works/road rage sometimes my whole morning is ruined by stressful drive

Ask him how long he expects it to take to get it sorted. If he gives a reasonable estimate, tell him that, regardless, that's when you'll stop giving him lifts, so he has to be responsible for his transport from then on. Then he's got his own word to go on regarding sorting it our via plan A, and can't shirk it anymore, unless he comes up with plan B himself.

Then actually stop giving him lifts on that day. And if you think it's going to be tricky, arrange to be somewhere else with the car (unless he's using it himself)

If they have posted a renewal form to him it means that he did not renew his license online. Or at least he didn't complete that online application correctly.

He's not a partner, he's a user. Stop enabling his useage and let him sort it out for himself.

Personally, I'd suggest raising the bar and dumping his sorry arse. Who knows, maybe it will focus his parasite brain and get him to step up in his next relationship.

He provides their only source of income..hardly a parasite! He’s inconsiderate yes but not a parasite

Are you officially employed by him as a driver? Hope you've got mileage and car costs going through tax return.

Good to read this! A few years a family member was driving their partner between jobs while the partner had an arm injury. They were involved in a fairly minor bump which turned nightmare scenario due to not having changed their insurance. (An oversight not intentional!)

ChristmasFluff he's the father of my child and he works hard to provide an income for our family. He's not a parasite- just incredibly thoughtless regarding the driving issue. At this moment he's the sole earner until I return to work after my daughter's surgery.

Whatifitallgoesright no I'm not employed by him as a driver. I wouldn#t want to be as this was meant to be a short term arrangement.
He does put mileage through the tax return, yes. He also pays for all our fuel.

MadeForThis I saw him filling in a form online in September. I think this latest one is from when he's gone on again and requested one.
I think he didn't fill it in properly online though and hasn't bothered until now either rectifying the mistake or chasing it up.

So he does what a local lad has done - push bike and a trailer for his gardening gear. He could claim it back against the business. You then freed up to do business admin/telephone calls and can claim a wage against the business. Win win