Driving woes

[SeventyNineBottlesOfWine]

I don't know what I want from posting here really, I suppose either a bit of empathy or to be told to just suck it up if I am being unreasonable.

Basically I drive and my partner doesn't. He's currently having lessons and his test was due next week.

He set up a gardening business in July last year. As he cannot drive it's me who has to drive him to and from all his jobs- which I was ok with for a short while.

I've now been doing this for a year and also balancing this with the needs of my baby and older daughter.

I plan the day around picking him up and dropping him off every day. Sometimes this can be up to four times a day and early on when he first started his business it was sometimes up to 8 times a day. Thankfully not anymore.

He can't always estimate his finish time so will often ring asking to be picked up earlier which interrupts my baby's nap times resulting in a very whingey grumpy baby to look after.

He told me this week that his provisional licence has expired and when I asked him what he was going to do about his test he said he'd have to cancel it. He'd applied for a renewal 0on their website in September last year!

He's known about his licence expiring for months and hasn't contacted the DVLA to follow it up. He's just left it and left it until we've reached this point.

There are no tests available to rebook for at least a year, so this means another year of me ferrying him here, there and everywhere until he can attempt a test.

I have no life as every day is taken up with driving him around, so I can't make plans with friends or plans to do things with my baby.

I'm in absolute despair and so furious with him.

I think what makes matters worse is the expectation that I'll just drive him anywhere and everywhere even without much notice e.g. , I'll have been driving him round to jobs all week from Monday to Saturday, then he'll ring his Dad on Sunday and arrange to see him and expect me to take him there and pick him up afterwards.

I don't know what to do . I can't refuse to take him as then his business that we've both worked so hard to build up and have invested money in will fail, but equally I can't continue like this.

Watchkeys He actually does, yes. He cleans, takes equal or sole care of our baby whilst not working and also often cooks meals for us.
This is why I suppose I'm so perplexed about his attitude to driving!

He’s had a provisional licence for 10 years?

I went for YABU for even entertaining the idea of facilitating this!

Can he try and get his provisional revewed ASAP. I have similar in that DP doesn't drive and provisional ran out, and we applied for a new one recently and it came so quickly! It's worth a shot at least. Don't cancel the test until he has at least attempted to fix this. You are not being at all unreasonable. I don't ferry DH around often, and his not driving annoys me enough, you have the patience of an absolute saint to have put up with this for so long.

He is utterly taking the piss and he needs to sort it ASAP!

No he doesn't get an apprentice because then he will continue to be reliant on someone else. Lazy fucker can start using buses or taxis. If that means he has to carry heavy shit, so be it, he was lazy and didn't get it sorted. It will give him the kick up the arse to get it sorted.

You were both putting a lot of faith in him passing the test, weren’t you? Plenty of generally good drivers fail, and everyone knows the backlog for getting another test is huge!

I don’t think it’s wrong that you were driving him around - it’s a family business, you both chose to launch it when he couldn’t even drive 🙈 but, that’s worked out OK, he’s doing well.

What you wrong there, was not saying, “early finish? Get your flask out and find a bench, I’m available at 14:00 for pick up.”

I’m a bit concerned about the Apprentice moments. Apprenticeships don’t exist so you can pay below NMW for someone to drive him around! They do need to be real training opportunities. So either set up a proper Apprenticeship, or pay the going right for an assistant with a driving licence.

I think getting an apprentice so he can take advantage of someone else (on low wages) is a terrible idea unless he plans to heavily compensate them for it!?

Generally speaking a trade apprentice wouldn’t expect to be doing all the ferrying around to jobs.

Seems incredibly stupid to setup a mobile business and not be mobile. Fair enough ask for help in the short run but he is absolutely taking the piss.

^ This.

Plus as a pp says, a provisional licence lasts for 10 YEARS! WTF has he been doing about taking a driving test in those 10 years!? So I'm on the fence really, he's completely unreasonable expecting you to run around (especially the Dad visiting bit) but how has it taken so long for you to become pissed off?

www.gov.uk/guidance/how-to-take-on-an-apprentice#incentive-payments-for-hiring-a-new-apprentice

For OP and all the others suggesting an apprentice. Because of course no-one means exploiting someone, right?

If he can’t get his shit together to renew his provisional licence, then good luck getting through the admin of taking on an apprentice 🤷🏻‍♀️

Have you seen him in his driving lessons, OP?

Does he ever drive with you, for practise?

It doesn’t make sense that his licence wasn’t renewed when he applied last September. Despite Covid delays, that’s just too long. Did he not apply properly? Why wouldn’t he have chased it?

What I’m getting at is, what is really going on?

Is he actually shit at driving, and not ready for the test, and lying about all this?

Sure sometimes people don’t have the need or the money to get round to driving, but 10 years - is there a reason, which might link to my question why there he’s ready to take a test now?

This could range from embarrassment at not being ready for a test, to not able to renew for some reason he’s hiding from you. It seems unlikely that he just didn’t apply for the renewal properly, or he did but this is a real delay, or that he didn’t chase DVLA.

There’s more to this.

Sorry for the delay in answering your questions- I had to pick him up and take him to another job.
He's had the provisional for more than 10 years as he's not bothered consistently getting lessons and sticking them out for long enough to pass his test.
This time he has.
By apprentice, I wouldn't have dreamed of him hiring someone on a low wage, not until he's driving too. He wouldn't think about getting a proper apprentice until he's driving too.
But employing someone and paying them the same rate he earns would be doable.
He is turning work away as is so successful, so could easily take on someone else, pay them the rate he earns and them work together.
I've told him today that he's going to have to consider this or teaming up with another already oper5ating gardener, as I just can't carry on.

He can't drive with me for practice as we have a baby and no family able to look after the baby whilst I take him out, so he's restricted to lessons only.

misskatamari Tomorrow is the last day he has to cancel his test and receive a refund.
The test is on Thursday next week. I don't know if he'll be able to get a new licence sorted as quickly as that. It's taken him 8 months so far!

An electric cargo bike could be the answer. This plumber does most of his business on cargo bike. He could make a big thing about being the eco friendly gardener out on his bike and use it to promote the business. And he'd be fit. Maybe sometimes he'd need a lift if he needed a particular tool that wouldn't fit on the bike. But I bet for a lot of garden maintenance he'd be fine.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/business-58929721

ColdHappyBap That's a good idea, thank you. I'd still have to drive a bit asfor some jobs he'd need a lot more tools than the bike could carry, but even if I could cut down on the driving I have to do, it would be worth it!

It’s not so much that I was suggesting he should practice with you. Just that if he had, you’d be able to assess his readiness for a test yourself.

Do you know if he can actually drive to test standard yet?

I don’t buy that he’s been waiting 8 months for a licence renewal. That’s bullshit. My 2 nieces both got completely new provisional applications through in a month, earlier this year. It’s bullshit that it’s simply taking a long time.

He didn’t renew.
Or not properly.
Or there’s some error with DVLA not his fault.
But hasn’t chased? At all?

Something is off.

Testina I do know he's test ready as his instructor is a friend. The instructor is also the one I passed my test with and won't even suggest you apply for a test until he believes you're test ready.

I think he's applied, done it wrong and then procrastinated on chasing it up.

This is why I'm so angry. He's done this knowing that he's putting me under so much strain and knowing that my life right now is a stressful heap of shit.

We have a lot going on right now and this driving stuff just adds to it all.

I mean this nicely but what on earth are you doing?? His company needs to pay you as the driver as you are an essential part of the business. And given that you don't want to be doing that driving (I don't blame you for a minute) then he needs to find some other way or find a different job himself.

As an aside he does need to contact them as I put through my change of name in November and it took a while but I got in back in February

@SeventyNineBottlesOfWine

I was test ready and failed. Twice. Passing your driving test isn’t a given even if you’re ready.

My instructor was genuinely gobsmacked but it happens.

notsilverfish short term I didn’t mind. I had no idea it would drag on as long as it has! And now we’re looking at another year of it! I can’t do it!

I’m aware it’s not a given that he would pass first time, what annoys me is the fact he hasn’t even sorted his license due to procrastination or whatever and is quite content to just keep using me for lifts.
I suppose I just feel so unappreciated and it irks me when he just expects it.
I think non drivers have no idea what a massive PITA they are!
Although saying that I had no licence for a long while and got myself everywhere without relying on people for lifts! I just walked, used the bus or got a taxi! I wouldn’t have dreamed of expecting someone to be my personal chauffeur!
Its like when he expects me to drive him to his dads then pick him up- it’s only a 20 minute walk away! 5 mins on the bus!

Well why wouldn’t he expect that?
You’ve been happy - or at least obliging.
Say no.

I still don’t understand the ignoring of the renewal since last September - what has he actually said in explanation of that? Have you now actually seen his online renewal application email confirmation?

He said he’d applied online, which I saw him do. He tried ringing them twice to chase it up but they didn’t answer the phone, then nothing!