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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think hes just checked out

103 replies

Macbeth8 · 12/05/2022 09:37

My DH is working away and has been totally different to how he usually os.

So for example in the past when hes worked away hes rang when hes got back to the hotel, rang again after hes gone out for tea with colleagues and then usually a good morning text.
I was always happy with this as he showed he cared and missed me and then kids.

This time round - is working away for 2 weeks in a place that's actually only an hours drive from our house so seems a bit pointless anyway.
Hes gone from being that communicative to no texts in the morning whatsoever from ringing once when hes back at the hotel and thats usually just speaking to the kids as he knows they go to bed for 6.30pm. Then after this call I just dont hear from him
:(
This has been the case now for nearly two weeks. Hes back tomorrow and im actually dreading it as its almost like he just doesn't care or miss me. I am not sure how to broach this subject with him without sounding like a hopeless, mad bunny boiler.
But its something thats very noticeable especially when before he was always ringing and texting.

OP posts:
ChickensandCows · 12/05/2022 09:41

Hmm if it's only an hour away honestly I'd go over and surprise him. Sounds suspicious.

bbqhulahoop · 12/05/2022 09:47

Could this be a particularly busy trip away? I still think he could make time just for a quick "snowed under, talk later" text mind you. When my ex stopped texting when working away he was seeing someone else and then blamed me because I hadn't been texting him to check in and why should he always make the effort. I hope this isn't the case for you, lovely

wakeupandshakeup · 12/05/2022 09:52

Sadly the same happened to me.. then I discovered a whole heap of awful stuff. Communication whilst working away started off everyday morning text and so on.. ended a once a week Skype call and a quick phone call after work on his way home to his ow .. if he's only up the road I'd be paying him a surprise visit.

Original poster
Macbeth8 · 12/05/2022 10:02

bbqhulahoop · 12/05/2022 09:47

Could this be a particularly busy trip away? I still think he could make time just for a quick "snowed under, talk later" text mind you. When my ex stopped texting when working away he was seeing someone else and then blamed me because I hadn't been texting him to check in and why should he always make the effort. I hope this isn't the case for you, lovely

This is exactly what hes said to me when I mentioned he hadnt been communicating much :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Macbeth8 · 12/05/2022 13:44

wakeupandshakeup · 12/05/2022 09:52

Sadly the same happened to me.. then I discovered a whole heap of awful stuff. Communication whilst working away started off everyday morning text and so on.. ended a once a week Skype call and a quick phone call after work on his way home to his ow .. if he's only up the road I'd be paying him a surprise visit.

This is horrible.
I forgot to say last week I mentioned it to him and on the weekend he suggested I come up there as my day off is Tuesday.
So I was actually there on Monday evening n he seemed ok. However, not heard from him after his one phone call..Im just finding a sudden change i him since hes been there and getting worried.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 12/05/2022 14:28

I think working away for two weeks when the location is only an hour away is a bit weird in itself, to be honest. I don't think I know anyone who would do this.

IsThisRealLife12 · 12/05/2022 15:04

I too find it really odd that he's only an hour away, my commute from home to work is that long.

My DH catches a 5am train into Central London once a week and is back home for 10.30pm that night. When he has to stay over, early morning meeting/client the next day, he tells me, let's me know where he's staying and then he catches the train home the next night.

Why is your DH staying over? Does his work go on very late into the evening? The sudden change in behaviour could be down to anything so I'd be cautious before jumping to any conclusions.

Original poster
Macbeth8 · 12/05/2022 17:07

He has 8 hour days so his company dont want then to breach hours? Apparently, they said they would prefer they have a hotel along with subsidised food because they would finish at 5pm and during rush hour can take longer than an hour ro reach home
I was shocked too tbh...
I really think it sounds suspicious with responses on here :(

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 12/05/2022 17:09

Macbeth8 · 12/05/2022 17:07

He has 8 hour days so his company dont want then to breach hours? Apparently, they said they would prefer they have a hotel along with subsidised food because they would finish at 5pm and during rush hour can take longer than an hour ro reach home
I was shocked too tbh...
I really think it sounds suspicious with responses on here :(

That would have to be an exceptional amount of traffic to breach hours. Where are you, central LA?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/05/2022 17:15

My guess is he's having an affair. None of this adds up.

Hiphophippityskip1 · 12/05/2022 17:23

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Aquamarine1029 · 12/05/2022 17:26

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FGS, don't drag the kids into all this.

toppocket · 12/05/2022 17:28

Checked out? Nope...

Having some sort of flirtation or relationship? Probably.

I live rurally and everyone here has a 45-60 minute commute and we don't stay in hotels away from our families. My company is incredibly progressive re expenses and there is no way we would be offering to pay for hotels and meals to make a 10 hour day 8. It would bankrupt us. 8 hour days plus an hour travelling time each way is totally normal.

His change in behaviour tells you all you need to know. He's in a hotel with colleagues from 5 until bedtime and isn't contacting you? What do YOU think he's doing for 5 plus hours a night?

1FootInTheRave · 12/05/2022 17:57

I think staying away when it's an hour from home is odd in itself.

Overthewine · 12/05/2022 18:04

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TraceyLacey · 12/05/2022 18:08

What would he be breaching by having a completely normal 1 hour commute after an 8 hour working day?

notapizzaeater · 12/05/2022 18:10

It's commutable - there's no reason he couldn't come home and help you with the kids

worriedparent12 · 12/05/2022 18:19

Very suspicious, I'd be tempted to drive there right now

OniferousWasp · 12/05/2022 18:19

Do you ring him OP? Does he answer? I wouldn’t be suspicious but maybe I’m too trusting

OniferousWasp · 12/05/2022 18:20

I do agree an hour isn’t far though .

seensome · 12/05/2022 18:26

The change in behaviour has made you wonder. Call him a few hours after the kids have gone to bed, see if he answers, if he's with colleagues, he'll call when back in the hotel room alone hopefully.

Zemw · 12/05/2022 18:27

This is really odd OP. Doesn't ring true him being one hour away.

Original poster
Macbeth8 · 12/05/2022 21:45

I dont want to contact him. Its too upsetting
He rang for 5 mins today and hardly spoke! Im just devastated. I find rejection really heartbreaking and just cant deal with it. Thats why im too scared to ring him
He did menton he called me yesterday at 6.50..I checked and it was a whatsapp voice call that must have not gone through as I was driving at the time and for some reason my car never picks up whatsapp calls or messages. But even 6.50 is still early. He could have had another 5 mins convo n got off.
Have no idea what hes doing and wjy hes there.
Its definitely work..he showed me the email before he went
Were in Manchester and its in Liverpool hes gone to. It does take around an hour but obviously with rush hour it can vary

OP posts:
TraceyLacey · 12/05/2022 22:50

It's 37 mins by train!

Overthewine · 12/05/2022 23:05

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