To think hes just checked out

[Macbeth8]

My DH is working away and has been totally different to how he usually os.

So for example in the past when hes worked away hes rang when hes got back to the hotel, rang again after hes gone out for tea with colleagues and then usually a good morning text.
I was always happy with this as he showed he cared and missed me and then kids.

This time round - is working away for 2 weeks in a place that's actually only an hours drive from our house so seems a bit pointless anyway.
Hes gone from being that communicative to no texts in the morning whatsoever from ringing once when hes back at the hotel and thats usually just speaking to the kids as he knows they go to bed for 6.30pm. Then after this call I just dont hear from him
:(
This has been the case now for nearly two weeks. Hes back tomorrow and im actually dreading it as its almost like he just doesn't care or miss me. I am not sure how to broach this subject with him without sounding like a hopeless, mad bunny boiler.
But its something thats very noticeable especially when before he was always ringing and texting.

That’s a normal commute for many people op! Sorry, but he is up to something.

If my DH was worried about my behaviour indicating I’d checked out I’d be worried (because I haven’t) and do whatever I could to reassure him - not be dismissive and scathing.

I hope you don’t mind OP but I checked your prior posts as I recognised your name - I’d be concerned too.

I will admit when I'm losing interest/lost interest in someone I don't tend to call/check in with my partner. And I've had that happen to me as well. Hopefully that's not the case but I know I've done this when I'm checked out, not necessarily cheating but just not into the relationship before.

While I agree with others that it does sound a bit suspicious, upthread you said when you asked him why he hasn't been communicating and he said he was fed up of making the effort? Could he be playing petty mind games and not calling you as much because he has got it in his head he is doing all the calling and according to him, making all the effort?

The fact he has had you visit him at the hotel is a good sign as surely if he was up to anything he wouldn't have had you anywhere near the place?

I think you need to either turn up unannounced and be prepared just in case your fears are confirmed (perhaps take a close friend with you, though hopefully you won't need them), or have one serious chat when he gets home. If he is up to anything, it'll probably show by how he responds.

Good luck, hope it is all ok and nothing to worry about.

I think the two things together, the change in his attitude and behaviour and the fact that he's staying away from home when he's only an hour away make it very suspicious. Tons of people do that run every day, they don't stay over!

Sorry, but I would think the hotel visit was to "put you of the scent'

Off*

Ah it sounds lonely Op. I hope it goes okay when he comes home.

I could possibly understand not coming home on a week day if work are paying for the hotel, but what about the weekend in between? My work wouldn't pay for a weekend hotel for the sake of an hours commute. Also, I would want to go home at the weekend to see my DH and kids. Does he work weekends?

My DH goes away a lot with work. He only rings once in the evening but he is interested in my day and we have a good chat. He is busy all day with work and then spends all evening chatting with his work mates with a beer.

However, your instinct is picking up that your DH is distant so I get where you are coming from. Sometimes I think it's worse for the person left behind at home rather than the one working away.

Hope all is ok OP.

Oh dear. I think you need to pop over there.

An hour away? Really?! My DH used to commute more than that a day. He's at it.

Hate to say it OP, but I think others are right, he's likely playing away, and invited you over there the one time so as to put you off the scent. It's even possible his playmate wasn't available that night, and he thought he'd be bored on his own, so figured he'd invite you along to fill the gap. I'm afraid I've been through something very similar, so am alert to the signs. I really hope I'm wrong though for your sake, as it's a really shit way to treat someone you're supposed to love and care about.

I’ve just been through exactly this - not texting in the evenings when he was away like he normally would have was the thing that made me realise he was having an affair. When I reassessed his behaviour over the past year in that light it was SO obvious, and he confessed when I confronted him.

You’re situation might be different, but everything you’ve said would make me very suspicious there’s another woman.

Your

I'm sorry, but this, in additional to your past thread about his past affair (which presumably wasn't just him texting) doesn't sound good. I agree, turn up totally unannounced one evening. I'd also stop asking him/letting him know you're suspicious, so you can 'get your ducks in a row'. The more suspicious he knows you are, the more he'll make an effort to hide what he's doing. Sorry OP, but think it's clear your next thread will be that you have proof that he is indeed playing away from home.

No reason whatsoever for him to not be home at weekend with you. I would get children looked after for day/night Saturday by a sitter and arrive to surprise him and stay over until Sunday evening.

I commute an hour and it's a pretty normal commute with my 8 hour days. Commutes aren't considered 'hours working' anyway so don't see why his company would be concerned. 10 hours wouldn't break any lwd any sway

If he already has form for an affair, then it increases the chances he's back to his old tricks again. Especially given this usual behaviour of not contacting you or being communicative.

When he comes home I would have it out with him while it's current and fresh on your mind, so he can't dodge it or rewrite history.

Usual = unusual

Sorry to say but this doesn't sound right at all. There's simply no need for him to stay away for 2 weeks with a 1hr commute and hardly come back. Also 8hr days don't leave him with no time to call.

A PP mentions he's got previous for cheating from another thread. I would be tempted to surprise him at the hotel one night. Prepare yourself mentally though for whatever might transpire, including nothing in which case you come back none the wiser.

So he call you once a day? I don’t see that as too little. Not sure on the distance situation as I don’t know roads or traffic in those areas but it sound weird. Maybe more info on the nature of his work would be helpful?

Being devil's advocate, if OP DH was up to something why didn't he say the hotel was much further away then the story would be more complete and OP would not be able to visit?

Could it be a stressful and important project?

We don't know nature of work for DH to qualify this.

That makes no sense.

Most people have 8 hour days. My husband did and also a two and a half hour commute each way. Why would that breach any regulations? Loads of people have a full day's work and a long commute.

Someone is telling porkies here.