To think hes just checked out

[Macbeth8]

My DH is working away and has been totally different to how he usually os.

So for example in the past when hes worked away hes rang when hes got back to the hotel, rang again after hes gone out for tea with colleagues and then usually a good morning text.
I was always happy with this as he showed he cared and missed me and then kids.

This time round - is working away for 2 weeks in a place that's actually only an hours drive from our house so seems a bit pointless anyway.
Hes gone from being that communicative to no texts in the morning whatsoever from ringing once when hes back at the hotel and thats usually just speaking to the kids as he knows they go to bed for 6.30pm. Then after this call I just dont hear from him
:(
This has been the case now for nearly two weeks. Hes back tomorrow and im actually dreading it as its almost like he just doesn't care or miss me. I am not sure how to broach this subject with him without sounding like a hopeless, mad bunny boiler.
But its something thats very noticeable especially when before he was always ringing and texting.

Trust your gut OP. My dh was constantly texting, video calling me etc when he went away. Then he went away and constantly said he had signal issues, was busy etc. I could feel him pulling away and being distant. I asked him if there was an OW and he gaslit the fuck out of me, told me I was crazy and how I'd never trusted him in 14 years of marriage, etc. Turns out he had been shagging a 21yr old the whole time and left me and the kids to be with her a few months later. Something isn't right here and I think you know it.

The change in behaviour is much more of a red flag than the company paying for the hotel an hour away.

I imagine he is keeping the calls short and less often, so he doesn't have to give out much information on his day/evenings there and does not give you time to ask him any questions specific to his day. This equates to him not having to outright lie to you about what he is doing/who he is with. So this way he can justify that he hasn't actually 'lied to you'. Cheaters logic is messed up.

You going for one night is likely to throw you off the scent (and his OW wasn't available that day.)

It does not sound good. Hopefully its all innocent and hes just very busy and being a bit of a thoughtless twat.

However I echo other posters who have suggested you arrive unannounced one evening around dinner time to surprise him as 'you miss him' and see where he is. Call him, and check where he says he is, but don't let him know you are there. If you've been to his room before at least you know where it is and also the staff may remember you.

Failing that, if the stairs/lift are accessed only by keycard, just hang around pretending to talk on your phone and then go through the stairway door/access the lift when another guest does. Most people won't hesitate to hold open the door for you.

Bollocks does he need to stay over, and I doubt very much his company is insisting on that for a one hour commute. There's definitely something fishy going on here.

Thank you everyone for your responses. Just reading them slowly as at work, doesnt sound good at all from what youre all saying :(
But can I just clarify a few things as this may he sounding worse than it is.

So the company he works for (cant name this company but lets just say its very known) did book him a hotel and gave him the allowance for lunch and evening meal.
This is definitely true as this was arranged a few weeks ago. They needed more staff n he was asked to do these two weeks. I remember him asking on the phone (I was right next to him) will I be staying there because im in Manchester I can commute..his line manager said something along the lines of "Let me run it with the director and will let you know but most likely yes"
He did get an email confirming he was allowed to stay there! Initially, it was going to be one week he was working there but then they asked him for 2 as they were short staffed. Been a massive cohort of resigning because theyve lost their "allowance" his has been ongoing for a while I know all about it as he was talking about this. He is very hardworking. Cant fault him there and whenever they are short staffed they do usually ask him so in terms of him making it up its very unlikely.
They have to book the hotels via a particular website that gives them.a budget..theres no way this has come out of his own bank account. Hes tight fisted as it is!

Also just to clarify its Mon-Fri so he is back today and has the weekend here and travels up on Monday morning.

Does this info make things sound better? Probably not :(
He still hasnt been contacting as much as he would do generally.

Forgot to say, when he rang yesterday he mentioned he had given me a call on the Weds at 6.50....I checked my whatsapp and he was right so bit embarassing . For some reason whatsapp calls dont come through when im driving. Does anyone else have this problem? So actually he jad called me twice on the wednesday. I just didnt see those so thought he hadng bothered
But still no text and no call in the evening. Its just very suspicious fot me and I dont know what to do today when hes back.
How do I act? Should I lay into him or just act normal? Im very hurt. Feel very sensitive right now

With WhatsApp, you probably have the “do not disturb while driving” setting on. The phone will not notify you if you get a call or text while the car is moving. You can turn this off I think (but probably not recommended). I’m sorry about your husband, I think you should trust your instinct if something is wrong. Definitely ask him, get into that conversation. Staying silent is usually a bad idea. Good luck.

He is probably shagging a work colleague. Has he mentioned any females attending?

How do I act? Should I lay into him or just act normal? Im very hurt. Feel very sensitive right now

act normal.

Ask him questions about his week, sound interested. where did he eat? Was it good, anyone there he knows/has worked with before.
See if he changes the subject each time or happily talks about his week

meant to add, if he changes the subject or is very vague, unfortunately thats not so good.

Has he had an affair before? I haven't seen your other thread(s) but other posters seem to have.

The Manchester Liverpool commute by car is a pain. In theory it should take an hour in practice 2 hrs plus is not unusual. Going by train city to city is much quicker…but it maybe that you live in the suburbs. So that’s one issue which maybe causing you a lot of worry but is a complete red herring. The lack of telephone contact requires an explanation. After work and before bedtime the 2 of you should be FaceTiming one another and having a real conversation, not a 5 minute cursory interaction. Ask him about the lack of contact …I know you’re v stressed but you need to hear his ‘explanation’ for the consistent failure to spend longer than 5 mins with you. How would he feel if you behaved in this fashion?

This is exactly what I thought. Ive told a few of my friends but they say Im paranoid :(

I've just read your other thread OP about his affair and how this hotel is near where the other woman lives.

I can understand now why you're in a state, it makes more sense to be worried. You need to speak to him.

Yep :(
Exactly why Ive been in much more of a state. Completely on tenterhooks from the moment he went.
I thought him inviting me up was a good thing- I know exactly where his hotel is, where his room is etc but he knows I'm not the type of person that would show up.
And I definitely think like other posters have said he probably invited me up to throw me off scent.

No they are all males - 3 of them apparently and from far away.
His learners are not though. Lots of women on the course

Yes this is what I have heard..he went on the train and we do live in the suburbs so you are spot on. Were not in the city centre, far from it.
He was offered a car which he has done in the past when he works away but said he would prefer the train . Does this have any bearing on this do you think?
I just found it odd how he opted for train when he could have just had a car and got straight down.

Will be asking tonight..I will try stay casual but maybe try say that I was quite hurt he hadnt messaged or rang me

Even if he has incredibly managed to wangle this with work (and they really should be tightening up their travel policy if so!), he is still choosing to stay elsewhere for two weeks. And that is a small commute after a not particularly long working day. I haven’t read your other thread, but others have mentioned his track record. All in all, I would be very surprised if he is not up to something here. 😥

I see his affair partner is within easy reach. This is your answer.

I probably am. We have 3 kids, they are in bed by 6.30pm. It can be very lonely..we live quite far away from family and friends. Alot of my friends also have small children so not easy to just meet up with them etc.
So after the two young kids have gone go to bed, it can be very lonely/boring without partner here
But can I also point out , from all the responses on here yours is the only one thqt differs so it cant just be me that finds this suspicious when ghe majority also seems to think theres something going on?

The fact is you don’t trust him ( it would appear with good reason) so I am not sure how the relationship can continue.

18:30? In your other thread I thought you mentioned a teen?

I think it is needy to find it so lonely when he’s only away for 2 weeks (2x 1 week, really). Sure, it’s nice to have a chat but lonely sounds a bit much when it’s just a few days. Box sets and starfishing the bed - lovely!

But given your other threads, there’s much more going on.

'working away' is never, ever, ever a good thing. It's not conducive to couples/family life. Never get involved with a man who 'works away' is what I always tell anyone, it usually doesn't work, if my husband worked away I'd make sure he got a new job quick smart so he no longer had to. I would not have it. No matter how much I trusted him. Working away is a singles occupation. Once you are committed and have a family, it needs to stop and normal stable job needs to be found.
I do think it sounds suspicious as you'd think he could put his foot down and say no, I am going to commute. It's only an hour each way, My commute used to be 2.5 hours each way. The option of a hotel wasn't even thought of. There is no reason he can't do an hours commute, people do that every single day, day in day out week in week out, month after month. You'd think he'd want to spend the time with you and drive home to you. It is completely inexplicable that he can't drive one hour back after a mere 8 hour day. So that's suss as it is that he didn't insist on the commute.

His change in demeanor is a worry. Is he coming home on the weekends at least?

If not, I would somehow find a way, ANY way, even if you have to take kids with you, to visit him either VERY early in the morning, or at night somehow. Knock on the door. He can't blame you for being suspicious when a) he needlessly chooses to stay there and effectively have a 2 weeks' holiday from being an active father, and b) being strangely non-communicative with you when he only works 8 hours in 24 hours so has more than enough time to contact you, especially as he's not commuting so that's all that time to himself. I would drop kids off at parents or friends and then continue on to his apartment. I would take kids with you if need be. Anything. But something is going on. You know it yourself. As his wife and mother of his children you deserve the right to know.

@Talkingcat

Definitely agree with the working away thing. I have discussed this many times with him and how he would feel if it was me working away and him left with everything.
He is back today and im going to have to broach the subject but I already know his response....itll be "well why didnt you contact me?"
Has done this before Nd always fires that one out. Or something along thelines off "was out with colleagues and tired when back"

@Samarie123
I dont know if you were the poster on my other post that advised me to ask him whilst hugging him? And if he shifted a bit before answering or hesitated, that would be a definite giveaway.
Dunno if it was you but whoever advised that, its really interesting as my friend is doing a course on himan behaviour being taught about body language etc and she mentioned that too!
I actually tried this with him last weekend and no shifting. He just answered straight away. So it will be interesting if I do the same thing this weekend.

The OP is worried, and you tell her she is "needy"?
That's not very supportive.