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Original poster

To think boys aren’t necessarily ‘harder work’ than girls?

130 replies

Cinnabomb · 12/05/2022 08:07

Wondering what wider opinion on this is. I have a toddler DD who, like all toddlers, has her moments, but I guess generally is pretty good apart from a few idiosyncrasies eg fussy eating. She is however extremely active, never sits still and into climbing etc, so definitely not the stereotypical “quiet sit on your lap” type little girl. We also had a horrendous start and she was a very difficult newborn so I feel we deserve our relatively easy time now, ……and she’s not even 2 yet so plenty of time for her to turn into a horror 😬

All of my friends that have boys of a similar age are adamant that boys are ‘harder’ to parent, eg more boisterous, less compliant and more full on. A lot are quite physical with other children eg pushy/ bundling and again they often say that boys will just be boys. Most either just have the one child, a DS, or multiple boys but no girls so I don’t think it’s really a fair comparison.

so what does MN think? Are girls ‘easier’ as young children? Surely it’s child/ personality dependant? I’m also 20 weeks pregnant with a boy so interested!

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 12/05/2022 08:09

I think it’s an individual thing, not a sex thing.

UmbilicusProfundus · 12/05/2022 08:12

On average I think boys are harder, at least when younger. Though I’m not keen on the Boys Will Be Boys excuse.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 12/05/2022 08:13

My sister in law had a girl and I've a boy. Her girl was perfection itself and my ds is boisterous enough. So people used to say this to us all the time. I've since met boys and girls more boisterous than ds and then she had a boy and he's perfection also. 🤷‍♀️

Ozgirl75 · 12/05/2022 08:13

I think it’s definitely personality driven, however, what I do remember from my mothers group is that between the ages of about 2 and 4 boys seem “harder” because they are (generally) exploring far and wide, whacking things with sticks, trying to find dangerous things to do, having loud tantrums and pushing every boundary.
however, suddenly at about 4, boys calm down and become “easier” as they seem much more straight forward in their likes and dislikes and their friendships are a piece of cake whereas it was at this stage that mums of girls suddenly found the dramas of nitpicking over clothes, friends etc started.
I think both have their moments. I have two boys (10 and 12) and I have never accepted any rough play or nastiness and they are (so far) lovely boys although they are extremely active, loud and like to argue their point. However, they’re also hugely cuddly, kind, funny, sweet and adore each other and us. So I think it’s mainly personality but in general I do think boys are harder as tiny children and easier as older ones.

hennybeans · 12/05/2022 08:14

If I had to generalise, I would say boys are harder until they hit puberty, then easier. Girls are the opposite.

But I'm not really sure I believe that. I think children are just individuals. I have 3 teens/ tweens. The hardest age I've found is about 5-7 or thereabouts, regardless of sex.

boymum9 · 12/05/2022 08:14

I have 2 boys, eldest was very easy as a baby and toddler and now aged 7 is still very laid back, chilled out, "easy" so to speak. Ds2 was a more difficult baby and toddler but I think just normal really, he's 5 now and also just pretty easy and laid back.
I can't speak for girls but talking to parents at school, it's always the girl parents who struggle with attitude and are having more difficulty with them. But perhaps that's just to come for me and the boys!

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 12/05/2022 08:15

Ime boys are so much easier. At one point I had 3 ds's under 4. Years later 2 dd's a year apart. .
Omg...
Now 15 and 16. A living hell.

SallyWD · 12/05/2022 08:15

I really think it's individual. I know such a mix of boys and girls - some boys are angels, some girls are angels. I know naughty boys and naughty girls. I have one of each and it's my daughter who's extremely active, boisterous, messy and can't sit still. My son is more self contained. However my son is more neurotic (which was traditionally seen as a feminine trait!) so he's harder work in that respect only.

C8H10N4O2 · 12/05/2022 08:16

No they are not automatically harder, they are largely made harder by societal expectations of boys and girls and the endless "boys will be boys" nonsense.

However hard you try to treat them the same there will be people, including in childcare and education who will treat boys and girls differently and then cite the resulting behaviour as "proof" that boys are somehow harder.

ArnoldBee · 12/05/2022 08:16

My 2 boys are definitely a lot easier than my step daughter who is in the full throes of the teen years. As has already been said it's an individual thing - my boys weren't boisterous and actually quite well behaved in comparison.

axolotlfloof · 12/05/2022 08:18

I think girls are more emotional and difficult teenagers - especially regarding supporting them with friendship issues.
I was an awful teenager.
Pre puberty I don't think sex makes much difference.

MummyDummyNow · 12/05/2022 08:19

This fascinates me too. I have two girls and a friend who has two boys of similar ages (primary school age) as my girls and is always saying how lucky I am to have girls as boys are so much harder to parent.

He boys are very boisterous, unruly, never sit still and don't listen when she asks them to do something. They literally run around the house wrecking it. She doesn't discipline them so I think that's why they are like that, she says it's just boys.

AntarcticTern · 12/05/2022 08:22

I agree OP. It's lazy stereotyping.

Comedycook · 12/05/2022 08:23

I found ds much harder work through the toddler/pre school and primary years compared to my DD. He was much more boisterous and had to be outside running around every single day. My DD would be fine staying at home...she would spend hours on imaginative play or drawing. At playdates and parties, I see the boys running round like crazy and the girls less so. Having said that, my niece is very energetic more like my ds in temperament. Overall I'd say boys are generally more boisterous and just more physical... although there are always individuals who don't fit the mould.

Vallmo47 · 12/05/2022 08:26

Agree OP, it’s all down to personality. If I HAD to choose I’d say boys are easier throughout because that is simply my experience. But I don’t like saying that because it’s all down to my girl being very thrill seeking and hard work. My son was easy going, incredibly affectionate and terrified of his own shadow. I’ve seen both sexes like mine, both the same sex and opposite scenarios. It’s definitely down to personality.

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 12/05/2022 08:27

All three of mine were good teens…no real issue

but dd was much harder work when she was younger, possibly because we are very similar and butted heads all the time

dh was not very sympathetic to me at the time but then ds1 went through an incredibly short period of butting heads with him and i spent a good portion of that time saying ‘see! See!’

Comedycook · 12/05/2022 08:28

He boys are very boisterous, unruly, never sit still and don't listen when she asks them to do something. They literally run around the house wrecking it. She doesn't discipline them so I think that's why they are like that, she says it's just boys

This made me laugh. Such a typical comments from a mum of only girls.
I remember at school drop off the mums of girls looking on in horror at the boys running round the playground. You could just tell they thought it was the parents fault. Honestly I have one of each... trying to calm down and pacify a boy who just wants to run and jump is incredibly difficult. It's not just about discipline...they seem to have an innate need to move and run. My ds wasn't badly behaved but if you didn't take him out every day to burn his energy he'd literally be bouncing off the walls.

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 12/05/2022 08:28

Oopsie

so in my limited experience boys are easier than girls so i do think that its down to personality and socialisation

MiniatureHotdog · 12/05/2022 08:29

I think it’s an individual thing, not a sex thing
Absolutely this.

Rinatinabina · 12/05/2022 08:29

My DD is definitely a terror, she is manically active sometimes, it really struck home at soft play when I saw her with children of her own age. The girls in my family tend to be absolutely batshit as toddlers though. Seems to run in the family.

MalagaNights · 12/05/2022 08:31

There are group level differences which only tell you a generality and nothing about the individual.

So generally boys are more physical. This is true.

But that will tell you nothing about your own son or daughter.
Who may be typical of the average of their sex group, but may not.

Which also means everyone here explaining about their own children is irrelevant (except to them)..

MangoBiscuit · 12/05/2022 08:32

I have 2DDs. Eldest was / is fairly quiet. DD2 is a bloody force of nature.

One thing I have noticed though, since they've both been in school any fights are now bitchy squabbles and tears, rather than physical or shouty. IME girls are socialised to be compliant, and are shamed for getting angry.

MiniatureHotdog · 12/05/2022 08:32

And I agree the "boys will be boys" and boys are just "boisterous" thing is lazy nonsense, the only parents I've heard spout this are cases where it is down to parenting.

SuziSecondLaw · 12/05/2022 08:34

It's complete nonsense, and how they're raised. Boys get away with more boisterous play because 'boys will be boys', but girls are supposed to be cute. It's rubbish. I've had one absolute nightmare girl, one average girl, and one very sweet delicate boy.. Soo.

YesINameChangedToAnswer · 12/05/2022 08:34

Nope. I have two girls then a boy and to be fair I've had no trouble with any of them at all. My boy is quite calm, sweet and kind. He's now 10 and a typical "playing footie with the lads" or "making dens in the wild somewhere" but he's still extremely well behaved, in home and out. He's a very thoughtful and loving child like his two older sisters.

He was never treated differently to his sisters and the sentence boys will be boys is certainly not in my vocabulary. It's a shitty excuse for lazy parenting and training misogyny right into 'em!

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