To think boys aren’t necessarily ‘harder work’ than girls?

[Cinnabomb]

Wondering what wider opinion on this is. I have a toddler DD who, like all toddlers, has her moments, but I guess generally is pretty good apart from a few idiosyncrasies eg fussy eating. She is however extremely active, never sits still and into climbing etc, so definitely not the stereotypical “quiet sit on your lap” type little girl. We also had a horrendous start and she was a very difficult newborn so I feel we deserve our relatively easy time now, ……and she’s not even 2 yet so plenty of time for her to turn into a horror 😬

All of my friends that have boys of a similar age are adamant that boys are ‘harder’ to parent, eg more boisterous, less compliant and more full on. A lot are quite physical with other children eg pushy/ bundling and again they often say that boys will just be boys. Most either just have the one child, a DS, or multiple boys but no girls so I don’t think it’s really a fair comparison.

so what does MN think? Are girls ‘easier’ as young children? Surely it’s child/ personality dependant? I’m also 20 weeks pregnant with a boy so interested!

I have one of each....DS is an absolute joy, he's wild and boisterous and can't sit still but he's the kindest, most loving and gentle little soul too. He's articulate and kind, loves all sorts of things traditionally thought of as "girls" toys or interests. But also loves Superheros and dinosaurs and ninjas!
DD loves dolls and playing babies, she's wild and rough, and climbs and play fights. She's fiercely independent, gives lovely cuddles but only on her terms. She loves dancing and music but isn't graceful or quiet, she stomps about like a baby elephant. She's also so funny.

They're both unique individuals who fit the gender stereotypes at times and are the complete opposite some days. And it's absolutely fine if they choose to be stereotypical or not as long as they're happy.

My son (6) is fairly easy (so far!), it isn’t about being a boy or girl, its a mix of personality and how much the family stick to gender roles.

I think it is parenting and down to the individual child. I have 2 boys and they would destroy the house if I let them but I don't. I hate the boys will be boys phrase unless it's used for something that is unique to a boy ie my two love to play with their penis in the bath etc. my eldest has always needed a lot of activity and stimulation, to run around and blow off steam, my youngest is not the same. I feel quite strongly that bad behaviour shouldn't be tolerated just because they're boys. It's a dangerous precedent to set

My mum would disagree because I'm her only child and apparently I was a little angel, stereotypical little girl who liked to sit on her lap and read books for hours

I agree with this. Many of the qualities which make boys annoying and non-compliant as children also help them success later on in life - confidence, competitiveness, assertiveness, not overly concerned with 'being nice'.

When we socialise these things out of girls and emphasise 'be kind' and 'consider others', it makes life much easier for their parents and teachers but doesn't necessarily help girls get what they want later on in life.

Boys attract more disapproval as they take up more space and are more in-your-face some of the time. They also learn in many cases that they can get away with it, and so just crack on regardless of the disapproval. While the behaviour of many teenage boys makes it clear that there is a desperate need for more boundaries for boys, we should also be encouraging girls to get up there beside them and claim their share of the space. Otherwise, men will continue to elbow women out of public life.

If anything I've found it the other way around. My boys are laid back, bar the odd episode and they can be wild when playing. But the tantrums and screams have mainly came from my girls.

I think as small children boys are much harder. I was at a twin birthday party recently - one table of 15 five year old boys and the other of 15 five year old girls. It was like night and day. The girls all coloured and chatted quietly. It was carnage at the boys table. There was a food fight, a couple of physical fights and the colouring pages were turned into spit balls!! I think it reverses at about ten though and the girls get harder then.

I don't envy my friends having to stand on freezing rugby pitches for hours on end just to be able to get a minutes peace every weekend.

Nor the endless fighting that seems to feature. I am not into stereotyping but the actual physical violence between boys shocked me (friend has 4 boys) and they fight non stop, and charge around all the time. It DOES in fact look much harder to me, and I am being honest. I couldn't do it. It makes me stressed just being there.

I can only speak from my own experience. I have two sons and one daughter.

My daughter was a lot easier during her toddler years than both of my sons.

They are all tweens and teens now though and my sons are definitely easier at this stage than my daughter, god love her she is absolutely fab though 😂!!

She dances, and they both play football so personally I love being a dance mum AND a football mum. I am blessed.

I have teen girls and I have found them easy and effortless. They are very independent.

I have to say, my DP's little nephew is the most compliant boy I've ever seen, he's just so obedient.
I have to admit, DP and I are trying for a baby, I'm terrified of having a boy, mine and my dad's relationship wasn't the best during my teenage, early adult yrs.

It was like a clash of the titans.

When I only had boys people would say to me ' you're so lucky to have boys: girls are so independent ' and I would wonder why they thought independence was a bad thing. Now I get it! DD is incredibly strong willed and stubborn and from very early on wanted to do everything herself and would push you away if you tried to help her. These are qualities which will probably be an asset when she's older but make for difficult parenting of a small child.

Hah, yes, this is my life @capricorn12! DD2 was the child who questioned everything, still does. When she asks for advice, she's not really looking for advice, she wants a sounding board but she's already made up her mind whatever her parents may say. Her physical appearance fooled everyone into thinking she was a girly girl. Nope. Her idea of a party outfit was a black T and combat trousers. She could never see a puddle without jumping in it. Very active and forever breaking things – at 10 she had had more GAs and operations than her age. It was exhausting.

She's grown up now and is the same character, but if it's any consolation those traits now manifest themselves as being very focused and determined. She's highly qualified academically (in STEM), travels widely on her own, has played a high level of sport, and believes there is nothing she can't do if she sets her mind to it. It's still exhausting but now it's rewarding too and I love having a daughter who is completely her own person.

@thing47

Same as my daughter. Incredibly strong willed and knows exactly what she wants and when. She told me from a very young age she didn’t need advising on anything because “she already knew everything” 🤦‍♀️. I have no doubt these traits will stand her in good stead for later years but sweet lord…..

My sons on the other hand are much more the people pleasing type. I’ve told them people pleasing is unnecessary but it seems to be in their nature. They’re also far more likely to swing their arms around me than my daughter. She will hug me of course, but on her terms only 😂.

Most people I know (mum's of both girls and boys) tell me it's the girls that are harder at a young age! I've heard alot that boys are more chilled/laid back than girls, but I only have boys so can't answer myself! Although mine are quite chilled themselves, but do alot of playfighting/rough play!

@Misspacorabanne

Same, I used to watch my boys tumbling around together on the trampoline engaging in rough play. They would laugh and laugh and laugh.

My daughter would try and engage in the rough play but we had to stop her as she was taking it too far and I was quite concerned she was going to knock one of their teeth out 😂😂! I think she used to forget the “play” aspect 🤦‍♀️.

Having a couple of each, I think generally boys are easier but it would depend on your definition of easy. Yes they preferred to be outside, but they were quite happy once we had arrived somewhere to run around kicking a ball and generally this meant I could sit down and watch them with minimal intervention necessary so actually fairly relaxing. Girls were more happy to stay in but needed constant help with craft activities and omg clearing up glitter day after day.
Also fall outs with friends the boys and their friends fell out less but occasionally got a bit physical ( all pulled up and dealt with by parents) all sorted and forgotten about in minutes, whereas the girls all seemed to bear grudges that went on for days bringing a different type of stress. Generally the boys I know are more loving at a younger age but this changes as they get older.

I must add though that they are super loving, cuddly and very affectionate, they tell me they love me so many times a day, and throw their arms around me!!! I wouldn't change having boys for anything!

Well I only have boys (quite a few of them!) and have been told many times that girls are much harder. It’s one of those things people love to generalise about. I think it depends on the individual, not the sex.

I have both boys and girls and my girls are actually harder work. It is just their personalities though, rather than because of their sex.

I hate that gendered shite, children are their person with their own personalities, some will be easier than others

Thanks @JollyWilloughby , it's nice to know mine isn't a total outlier! It was a bit of a shock as DS and DD1 were much more laid back. I used to say if I'd had her first instead of third, she'd be an only child .

So I'm very much in the camp of it being down to personality rather than sex.

That said, in my observation young boys do seem to need a level of physical play which most girls don't. The fact that I have a DD who does need that physicality hasn't changed my general view.

In my experience boys are harder physically and girls are harder psychologically.

My sweet, easy going boy is a million times easier than my strong minded, independent girl. I think that can change at different stages of life though, my very easy niece was a nightmare teen for example. Boys might be a bit more physical, although that's not always the case, but often aren't so invested in friendships and therefore get over issues faster. All generalisations though.

Agree with all of this. My children sound very similar to yours in terms of preferred activities and how they deal with friendship issues. I remember my ds coming home from school telling me his friend had punched him...I said "I thought you were friends" he just shrugged "yeah we're still best friends". Then it was forgotten about

Wish someone would have given my DD the memo! She’s brilliant but incredibly lively and physical.

She punched a little boy in the eye last week after he stole her glasses and honestly it’s so hard to balance the messages of “be kind, use your words” but also wanting her to keep that fiery spirit and stick up for herself!

YANBU.