To think boys aren’t necessarily ‘harder work’ than girls?

[Cinnabomb]

Wondering what wider opinion on this is. I have a toddler DD who, like all toddlers, has her moments, but I guess generally is pretty good apart from a few idiosyncrasies eg fussy eating. She is however extremely active, never sits still and into climbing etc, so definitely not the stereotypical “quiet sit on your lap” type little girl. We also had a horrendous start and she was a very difficult newborn so I feel we deserve our relatively easy time now, ……and she’s not even 2 yet so plenty of time for her to turn into a horror 😬

All of my friends that have boys of a similar age are adamant that boys are ‘harder’ to parent, eg more boisterous, less compliant and more full on. A lot are quite physical with other children eg pushy/ bundling and again they often say that boys will just be boys. Most either just have the one child, a DS, or multiple boys but no girls so I don’t think it’s really a fair comparison.

so what does MN think? Are girls ‘easier’ as young children? Surely it’s child/ personality dependant? I’m also 20 weeks pregnant with a boy so interested!

I find this whole boys vs girls thing incredibly irritating and patronising to parents and kids. It’s not a competition and I hate the sexism.

Definitely child by child basis. People don’t see to understand that they aren’t full of testosterone and oestrogen when they’re toddlers… they’re really not. A lot of it is genetics and upbringing, sorry.

Our boy was always easier 🤷‍♀️

I think boys and girls can be different, but that "harder" isn't necessarily the right word.

As much as it pains me to admit (as I used to argue that gender differences only existed because of internal bias!) I see how boys and girls behave differently at school drop off. The boys are way more physical- running around, playing tag, jumping and climbing and being loud. The girls generally are quieter and sit talk or play less physical games.

I think what is "easier" depends entirely on the individual parent. Some might find physical play way more easier to deal with than a million and one discussions.

Ok and I know kids who are also the complete opposite? Again like neither of the parents especially not of the same sex. Doesn’t mean it’s thing just because it is for yours.

Imo one of the biggest influences is birth order rather than sex. All of the eldest children I know, male and female, are (comparatively) sensible and well behaved, and the second children are much more active and outgoing.

I have one of each and DD is the younger. She is definitely more active and “boisterous” than DS and also loves stereotypically “boyish” toys (cars and balls) that he wasn’t interested in at all at her age.

As much as it pains me to admit (as I used to argue that gender differences only existed because of internal bias!) I see how boys and girls behave differently at school drop off. The boys are way more physical- running around, playing tag, jumping and climbing and being loud. The girls generally are quieter and sit talk or play less physical games.

OMG you're absolutely right, it's totally innate and children have absolutely not experienced any gendered socialisation before they reach school age.

(Sorry, that was quite arsey. But we have absolutely no way to know if the differences we see are innate because of the way we treat boys and girls differently, a lot of the time totally unconsciously, from the moment they're born.)

I've only got girls - the elder has never sat still, never stopped talking - even in her sleep 😂 is loud, finds all things poo and fart related hilarious and is far more 'boistrous' than her peers. The younger one on the other hand is quiet, creative and will happily sit and be read books all day if she could. So I think it is partly personality driven - however I also have three nephews who are all out of control! (all have different parents), they are more violent which I've been lucky to never have a problem with pushing/hitting/biting etc. they all seem to listen less, have more attitude, argue back more and break things more. I'm not totally convinced it isn't down to parenting in some regards but to be honest after seeing how they are, I am quite relieved I don't have a boy because that scares me. (Although my friends little boy is a really sweet, sensitive child who is much quieter than my eldest DD)

Ok and I know kids who are also the complete opposite? Again like neither of the parents especially not of the same sex. Doesn’t mean it’s thing just because it is for yours.

Correct. There are overall trends within society. There are always outliers though. On a whole though, if you observe a class of boys and girls, the boys will be more boisterous. That doesn't mean there won't be boisterous girls or quiet boys. There will be.

My dd was definitely harder as a toddler than my ds (although he had his moments). Now they are both at secondary ds is definitely more work but I know people with easy boys and difficult girls.

the excusing boisterous behaviour in boys thing has been studied and we definitely gender our expectations of very small children.

Parenting is never easy.

Boys tend to be more physical, nosier or something. It's not the first time on a boy/boy play date we've bailed out to softplay or the park. They just need to run off that energy and seem to charge of each other.
I've never felt we needed to get out the house when my friends with girls have been round.

I also think girls are more likely to sit and draw than boys, one of mine loved to drop the crayons rather than draw with them.

Children are all different. I have two boys. One was a terror toddler and baby. The second is so so chilled in comparison. I suspect he’ll have his moments but he’s just a more laid back character. I’m sure they’re terrors and treasures in girls too!

In my opinion (I have two of each and have patented them as equally as possible)

Boys are harder are toddlers, girls are harder from about 8years and definitely more difficult as teens

I have found that from 0-3, boys are harder to parent than a girl. However, I do find that boys are more affectionate and loving than girls when they are young.

Nah it’s conditioning.
even before they’re born boys are expected to be rougher. Boys are brought up to be ‘little soldiers’ and encouraged to be more physical. Girls are brought up to be ‘little princesses’.

I remember disciplining my girls for running around whacking each other with sticks, to be told ‘oh well boys will just do that’. No- most kids do it unless they’re taught not to.

even in households where things are pretty equal for different sexes, girls and boys get different stimulation outside the home.

I had an argument with my DC nursery when they referred to ‘boys toys’ and ‘girls toys’.

pre puberty there’s nothing inherently different, but right from conception we train them to be different. So I guess it’s a self fulfilling prophecy- we expect them to be different so they are.

Parents who only have girls haven’t seen, man. They don’t know!!!

It was pretty arsey. You can disagree with me without being rude.

Of course their upbringing has an influence. But also, if all thyroid young girls were absolutely so desperate to run around, I'm sure they would. At 5/6 years old I don't think societal expectations have weighed them down SO MUCH that they can completely override an internal imperative to run around like a lunatic.

My boys were always easier than my girls, at every age.

I know quite a few teachers and they say they prefer to teach girls till about age 9 or 10 then would prefer boys after that.

My 2 boys have always been sporty but not boisterous. 2 of the children in our friendship group (HV group from birth of abput 10 children) 1 boy who was how boys are typically described, would run off, climb and generally be boisterous, 1 girl who was similar but also would hit and generally be spiteful to the others. All the others were similar, not that much difference in behaviour before school age. Now they are 16 and all good kids. The same 1 girl has always been the most difficult of them all throughout all ages but is a lovely person. The boy was fine once at school.

Boys are more physical (when young) but as teenagers less bitchy and don't have big falling outs with their friends in my experience.

Not in my experience. My son was extremely easy from about 3 months onwards. He's 21 now and never been difficult!

If it's any consolation my mum always reminded me of a chat she had with our then GP when I was three years old in the mid 1960s. They'd just had my younger sister and mum was tired. I was the first born so mum was still in the 'give your child lots of attention' stage with me whilst also trying to split that attention with a baby.

I was always on the go and mum asked the GP what she could do about it. His reply was 'she's three years old, what would you like her to do, sit in a corner all day and play quietly? I'd be more concerned if she did that'.

He did then talk to mum about things like getting me into a nursery for a couple of days a week (which she did and which I loved) and not worrying if I was tearing around the house as long as I was safe if she was dealing with my baby sister or having a quiet sit down herself. He suggested giving me little jobs to do like bringing the baby cream or helping with feeding my sister. And he told her to stop feeling obliged to play all the time with me as children need to learn to do stuff independently and that starts with play. So girls can be riotous and boys can be quiet little things. It's a personality thing I think.

But my mum did enjoy quoting back the 'what would you like her to do' comment at all her daughters when the time came for them to have the toddlers that ran us ragged!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=nWu44AqF0iI

3 minutes on a simple small study on the was we treat babies. of course societal expectations have ‘weighed children down’ by the time they reach school. They react to the stimulus around them!

Both my DD and DS were absolutely crackers as toddlers and preschoolers. Nearly broke me! At least DS slept...