To wonder what is wrong with these women who write to and then want to marry serial killers?

[AlternativePerspective]

Story here:
Levi Bellfield: Serial killer applies to marry in prison www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-61418262
Now, face to face it’s potentially easy to get drawn in by someone who turns out to be abusive. But this man is a convicted murderer, and this woman presumably deliberately started writing to him, and now wants to marry him?

We all know he’s lowlife, but wtf is wrong with her?

For me this is even worse than someone who stands by a family member who has committed a hideous crime. The friendship would be over the instant they even started writing to him, and if it was a family member I would be going immediately NC>.

He’d not be entitled to her assets as there are rules about owning when you’re in jail like this. But it’s hardly a normal marriage, they aren’t exactly going to be living together.

id assume she has issues, she’s lonely, attention seeker, something, isn’t right.

It’s a fantasy, they can Wu and tame this vicious predator, but it only ever has to remain a fantasy because he will never be out of prison.

www.theguardian.com/world/2003/jan/13/gender.uk?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

It’s very odd. Personally I don’t think contact should be allowed if there was no relationship pre-dating their internment.

Levi Bellfield is the only UK prisoner who has two whole life sentences ( I think) so he will never be let out of prisoner.
So it's got to be fantasy

Disgusting. I'm hearing she's blonde. His victims were blonde. I live where the attacks happened. It was a terrible time :(

One of the above, I'd guess.

Good post.

@AlternativePerspective Half of his cell and canteen. She'll be set for life!
She reminds me of Catherine Tates character Elaine Figg who married a death row inmate.

I think a lot of it is narcissism. She thinks he'll be eternally grateful to her for being the only woman in the world who doesn't see him as a monster. She thinks she'll be the only thing getting him through the day, the only good thing in his life. She thinks she's more compassionate than the rest of us because she can "see past" his crimes and forgive him (even though forgiving someone for something they did to someone else is often just a sign of callousness). She thinks he won't leave her for another woman, because who else would have him?

I thought Elaine Figg was married to Daniel Craig! Perhaps they were just living together.

Ironically, I think it's because they feel safe with someone who is never getting out of prison. They can't go on lads holidays to Magaluf or flirt with your sister or ghost you and they are dependent on you contacting them.

@RoseLunarPink

Yes ol Darcy is a good egg after all. But isn’t the outwardly bad man being inwardly good and the outwardly good man being inwardly bad a large part of what makes the story resonate with women on a attraction level because it morally validates them being attracted to the bad boy and not attracted to the seemingly nice guy?

Like it’s morally all right to be attracted to the brooding asshole all along because he’s just misunderstood and really good underneath, whereas the nice man with the good manners is secretly a total cad and abuser.

Thats kind of the genius of the story and what makes it Austens most popular imo - it taps into female attraction at a visceral level and says “if it feels right it must be good” - and wraps it all up in a witty little package with a twee country bow on top. Whether she intended to do that with Darcy/Wickham or whether she was just writing her own fantasy is another thing.

Jesus, eleven kids? Why did so many women breed with him?! Even if they didn’t know he was a murderer, he was a piece of shit and absolutely minging.

Blimey. I have to admit being really interested in him and wondering why he did what he did but wtf would you want to marry him. I was reading in my true crime magazine about a woman who was pen pals with Dennis Nilsen

A lot of women love bad boys or eroticise killers.

Apart from the fact that this women and those like her are mentally unfit, those in prison should not be allowed to marry, nor to vote etc. It should mean losing your societal rights while you are in there.

Like it’s morally all right to be attracted to the brooding asshole all along because he’s just misunderstood and really good underneath, whereas the nice man with the good manners is secretly a total cad and abuser.

I do know what you mean, but I think there's also a common thing in RL where lovely charming men turn out to be bastards, as we all know from so many lovebombing abuser threads on here if not also from everyday experience. So Austen is not just (whether consciously or unconsciously) excusing something, she's exposing a real phenomenon.

I don't think "brooding asshole" () necessarily means lovely guy underneath but there might be more of "man who isn't overly charming and going out of his way to suck up to you" and "actually has integrity and self-respect" equivalence - in some men (/people in general) not all obv.

However the marrying a lifer phenomenon is a very extreme version of whatever is going on!

Utterly nonplussed by the (currently) 3% who think YABU

It should mean losing your societal rights while you are in there.

I agree with this and I'm generally very liberal about prisons – I think prison reform is much needed, prisoners should have freedom to read, work, do hobbies etc and rehabilitation/education is vital where possible. BUT if you are doing life for appalling murder then losing your freedom to have a love life with someone outside prison is a reasonable part of that. Not least because of the risks to them and the way it could attract vulnerable people.

Crazy, as simple as that. Totally batshit crazy

They aren't right in the head.

Firstly after what he's done I see no valid reason to allow him to enjoy normal societal activities such as getting married, I mean you wouldn't let him to attend a family wedding or a bar mitzvah or even a funeral so why his wedding.

Apart from being totally fucked up I do think it is useful to understand the reasons why some women wish to marry such monsters, as this could reduce the glamorisation of such crimes.

I agree with previous posters about certain women with a "saviour " complex or a narcissistic personality but I also think there is potentially a much scarier explanation that some women may share and agree with the same twisted personality and fantasies that led him to abduct, rape and kill a young school girl. If this is scarily the case then actually I am glad she has "outed" herself as someone to both watch very closely and stay the fuck away from.

Whoever the woman is she’s obviously as sick and twisted as he is and needs locking up.

So it comes from a place of trauma

I agree with this. On a much lower level I spent years being attracted to (and getting into relationships with) controlling men. My own father was extremely controlling and abusive. There is a "safety" that comes from being in familiar territory, even if it is overall dangerous. I didn't know how to "be" with a normal person. I was too messed up.

Obviously, the women who write to these men take it to extremes. Ultimately it shouldn't be allowed. I believe in the US it can happen as some men can get conjugal visits? If it's still allowed. But that isn't the case in this country. No one "needs" to get married in prison. If it's a short sentence people can get married when released. If it's longer, or life, well tough.

It’s like watching a tiger through glass, the thrill getting up close but knowing they can’t do anything to you. I don’t believe they would be marrying these men if there was a realistic prospect of their release.

@Organictangerine

I wouldn’t bet on them not marrying if they thought they could be released. If they’re crazy enough to marry them in the first place I actually imagine they hope it would happen. You often here of women who have gotten into relationships with famous prisoners (or just normal ones) trying to help them escape.