To wonder what is wrong with these women who write to and then want to marry serial killers?

[AlternativePerspective]

Story here:
Levi Bellfield: Serial killer applies to marry in prison www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-61418262
Now, face to face it’s potentially easy to get drawn in by someone who turns out to be abusive. But this man is a convicted murderer, and this woman presumably deliberately started writing to him, and now wants to marry him?

We all know he’s lowlife, but wtf is wrong with her?

For me this is even worse than someone who stands by a family member who has committed a hideous crime. The friendship would be over the instant they even started writing to him, and if it was a family member I would be going immediately NC>.

*complex laws

A few very misguided women are horribly attracted to 'bad boys' but this is taking it to the next limit. Rather sad imho.

This is rather a good BBC podcast about the subject. Can’t do links but easy to find if you are interested
( rather good series altogether actually)

I work in the justice system and in a previous role had to undertake disclosures to several women in this scenario who didn't seem to understand the full extent of the crimes or the level of dangerousness.
One said to me yes but I know he's not coming out (whole life tariff) , so whilst you think he's a risk, compared to other men in my life he's actually very safe because he'll be in prison. I get to visit him, have a pen pal and companion and he can't hurt me from where he is.
It was very honest of her and actually I think it's probably true for a lot of them. So it comes from a place of trauma.

metro.co.uk/2022/04/24/brit-marries-us-killer-after-telling-family-she-was-off-to-disney-16524940/

This is another similar story, though not as high profile a criminal. Her friend said she was "obsessed with true crime shows" so yes, it sounds like a fantasy she can play out in real life but of course, because he's in prison, there is no actual danger.

I find it incredibly fascinating, would love to watch a documentary about it

I remember learning about women who'd go to Ted Bundy's trial with their hair styled in the same way as his victims. Like they thought it was a compliment to the women he 'chose'? To kill? They wanted to be chosen too?

Utterly bizarre

Chronic internalised misogyny.

To be fair there was a similar thread a while back, but the OP was marrying a 'fairly well-known' figure with 'different' views. The guesses on that were entertaining

This has been going on for decades, predates the recent trend of true crime podcasts and documentaries.

On thinking about it more I actually think these women want to be the one they didn't murder, the one that he loved SO much that he couldn't bear to lose her

It’s really interesting and seems to happen a lot. I think it’s probably both the “bad boy” thing taken to extremes as tamzo said, and the fact that the woman is safe and ultimately in control - though why have a partner at all if that’s the only option. I think the idea that you must have a man is very deeply embedded in some women. I once saw a cartoon which I wish I could find, with a woman telling her colleague her new boyfriend has turned out to be a murderer but they both agree it’s fine (can’t remember the exact wording). It was spot on about how some women will overlook anything rather than be single.

however I’m not happy to see Mr Darcy dragged into this! He’s not a bad boy, he’s a decent and responsible man who’s also a grumpy git and bad at smalltalk, and EB doesn’t like him until she realises he is doing good without looking for glory. So there. I guess readers might fall for him as the “bad boy”, but he’s not, Wickham is the bad boy!

It’s like in romance books or 50 shades

Oh yes this! A man has spent most of his adult life only being able to beat and degrade women, but the one plain shy innocent lass is the one to turn him on to 'vanilla' 🙄

He shouldn't be allowed letters or visits from anyone.

He is a predictor who hunted and killed women and children with no warning and no mercy.

I don't agree with with death penalty but I'd make an exception for him.

To be honest, any time you see these women/men who look to marry serious criminals, their eyes have a 'just walked into disneyland' look. You can see they are in a fantasy. Its all very weird.

However recently the thing that shocked me incredibly was the sheer amount of support Chris Watts was getting whilst in prison and women trashing the memory of Shanann Watts and how she was abusive/controlling and how she deserved it an Chris was not in the wrong to kill her because she would have taken the kids. I've probably lived under a rock past couple years to have missed this because I remember the case - yet I CANNOT understand for the life of me why anyone would ever take time out of their day to write to and support a man who also killed his poor little girls. NONE of these women remember that shanann was a mother, a daughter, pregnant and a human being like the rest of us. And they forget he killed his children.

I listened to a podcast recently about the murder and they touched on this and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I haven't been able to sleep since. The crime itself was horrifying. But my mind is unable to comprehend that this man has supporters. This man. Who killed the mother of his children. And his children. With his fucking bare hands.

There was a show with a woman like this as a character. What's it Happy Valley? A cop show, with a blonde actress previously in soaps. Sarah Lancashire.

It was excellent, and the role of the woman being puppetted by a serial killer from prison was played excellently by moaning myrtle. Sarah Lancashire's character popped her bubble at the end, making her realise how she'd ruined her own life.

I was staggered when I saw it this morning. I can’t even begin to imagine what the bride I’ll get out of this.
astonishing

We can't go round killing people who are being punished for killing others, because killing people is wrong. Whether they "deserve" it or not in your opinion.

I'll admit that I watch a lot of true crime
But to actually "think you are in love " is just bizarre
I suppose its the notoriety, I was watching a documentary about "Death Row" do many henious killers have female pen pals .

I think they really believe that these guys are innocent, and have suffered a huge miscarriage of justice, so they feel sorry for them.
So they have some kind of 'saviour' mindset coupled with a double-dose of delusion.
As the men in question will never be released it's all harmless fantasy on the part of the women. They may never realise how they are wasting their lives, but that is their choice.

A needy woman and a desperate man? Can’t be much else to do in prison and maybe it leads him to fantasise about having a woman, even maybe it will support his application for parole.
Maybe a lonely woman, or a woman who cannot cope with a relationship in RL but it’s somehow safe as he’s a lifer. Or attention seeker, local notoriety.
I’m sure a psychologist would have better theories. Personally I wouldn’t want to even scrape a child killer off my shoe. He’s scum that should be put down. Along with all murderers and rapists ( but then I’m harsh)

I know someone who is due to be married to someone who is locked up for life. She is very open about it, and is friends all over SM with likeminded wives. There are loads of groups just on facebook alone for wives or wives to be of prisoners.

She was in a very abusive relationship previously, and I am convinced that this is a contributing factor. She gets all the love and attention she needs from him, without ever having to live with him. She visits when she wants to, She will never have any physical contact with him, but she gets to be married.

I think it is quite a complex issue. Many many people have told her she is out of her mind, she can live a very different life etc etc. She spends all her money on access to phonecalls to him, visiting him etc. She has pushed away anyone that has tried to 'get through' to her. Her new group of friends are in the same situation, so they must get it.

I find it sad. But she seems to be the happiest she has ever been.

He’s supposedly very charming to begin with so can imagine he’d downplay the crimes if she ever dared ask about them. Insist he were innocent or it wasn’t how the media portrayed. No idea why she sought him out in the first place though, messiah complex?

Thank you, I will look out for this one!

It disgusts me. I assume there is something 'wrong' with these women. I've just remembered when the Ted Bundy documentary came out on Netflix and young women were talking about how 'hot' he was.

I think in some massively subversive way, it feels safer. You know what they’re capable of. They are rock bottom human beings, so what have they got left to disappoint you with? I think if you’re someone who has been in abusive relationships, this can make sense. It can be what you feel you deserve. It can even be something you’ve been heavily conditioned to be sexually responsive to.

Unbelievable. I don't know how anyone could just turn a blind eye to a person's terrible crimes and want to marry them. Unless he's managed to convince her that he's 'changed'. It really is stomach-turning.