DSS YouTube obsession ruining any family downtime...

[warofthemonstertrucks]

DSS2 is 8. He is obsessed with watching Jelly et al on youtube, screaming about fortnight. I'll say up front It particularly sets my teeth on edge. The inane shouting and laughing about utter nonsense. The volume!
We have our other DSS (10) and my two teen DD's living with us too.

After dinner most nights we hang out together in the lounge. We might watch something we all like like Modern Family or Friends, or the girls and DSS1 like playing a bit of scrabble which DSS2 also used to like before he became obsessed with YouTube. We usually manage an hour or so before the girls go off and do their own thing til bedtime.

Increasingly no one can stand to sit in the lounge with the constant screeching from
The iPad in the corner. We ask DSS2 to turn it down but he has a huge tantrum when we do. Or will do for a bit then turns it back up. But tbh even low level is annoying. It's really ruining our little bit of family time.
I've spoken to DP about DSS2s excessive YouTube viewing which I don't think is healthy and he has tried speaking to DSS-but he mainly doesn't get home from work til about 8 by which time we have had to endure it for 2 hours-and I'm not getting involved in telling him off for it.

Would I be unreasonable to buy him some headphones so he could still listen to it without bothering us? Or would that make it even more antisocial? At least he would still be sitting with us... I would feel bad about him being even more locked in to the iPad but the noise of it genuinely makes me grind my teeth.

In every other way we don't have any real issues in the house-we are Lucky really-just this one thing.

Imo in dh's absence you take control of your TV.

Sorry I pad..
IE turn the WiFi off.

It's DSS's iPad. And he would go absolutely bananas.

I would just tell him he's had enough screen time for today and take it off him. He's eight - he doesn't get to set the rules!

He's 8! A little child! He does not have control here, I wouldn't tolerate this from a SC or not. It gets taken away, let him throw his tantrum and ignore him. He's too young to be having this much of an obsession.

I mean the obvious answer is don't let him use the ipad.

I have an 8 year old DSS who I know loves watching YouTube at home but he doesn't here and he doesn't use a tablet. We have different rules, tantrums wouldn't be pandered to.

But to answer your question, of course you wouldn't be unreasonable to get him to use headphones.

The rule in ours is absolutely no volume on phones / ipads and they're not allowed in bedrooms so it's headphones or watch it on silent or (my fave) turn the fekking thing off and socialise. Had this loads with DSD and I would just take it off her after the first warning, put it in a drawer and ride out the tantrum. DH would be expected to have my back

Your the adult! Speak to your partner about it and if it doesn't change then take the iPad away.

Tell his father that you are no longer prepared to put up with this behaviour disrupting everyone else’s evening and that you will confiscate the iPad until he gets home. He can then take over and return it to his son if he wishes.

Silent or headphones. You're the adult, you're in charge.

Set a time limit (and tell him in advance so he knows the deal) and headphones are a must. You can set limits for devices, we have DS Internet turn off at a certain time each evening.

My daughter loves this too and it makes my ears bleed!

We we’re having toddler style tantrums when it went off, bringing it to the dining table etc… so I went militant and she only gets the iPad for 30 mins a day now and 90 at the weekends. Using the timer lock. We can’t turn the WiFi off as we work from home. She was awful for a few days but honestly, less iPad time has made her much nicer overall! You’ll need your husband’s support in this though.

Technology is great when it serves a purpose. Be that education or purposeful and conscious down time. But it is designed to be addictive and that becomes a problem. This is where you need to be the grown up and limit it for you dss's own health. It doesn't matter if it's your dss's ipad or not. Your dss is old enough to sit down as a family, express your concerns and come up with solutions.

He is 8 and living with you. You and his dad need to agree on ground rules and apply them.

IMO at 8 if he is meeting all the usual stages of development he should not be allowed to throw tantrums. And he should not benefit by getting his own way from the tantrums.

A simple solution would be headphones but at the same time the board games are a family activity which he should participate in as least some of the time. So a balance of his time and family time

But as I said-I don't want to get embroiled in telling him off. Which I would have to do be use he would kick up. He's my step son. I step in if he's endangering himself or is immediately naughty. But this is more an ingrained habit which is Dp's to correct not mine. I've made the mistake of getting involved with that sort of parenting decision in the past and the boys mum went ballistic about me 'overstepping' (and I can't be bothered with that fall out again).

You need to take the little brat firmly in hand. You're the adult here.

I am Veronica-but he's not mine to do that with. The politics of step families....
So headphones wouldn't be awful?

This ! OMG! He's a small child.

Or no screens after 6. Not to be taken upstairs. If you're looking after him, you set the rules.

It's very simple.

headphones.

everyone's a winner

So this 8 year old can do exactly as he pleases until his dad gets home at 8.

Get a grip. This is unfair to you and your teens.

I get what you're saying but it's really not a healthy dynamic for you to be looking after a child all evening that is prone to massive tantrums who you don't feel able to discipline. If the ex was going to kick off in that manner then I just wouldn't look after him.

yes of course get him headphones. My 8yo loves Jelly and all his screechy friends too, I certainly have no interest in suffering through that.

I once did take the iPad off him after a particularly trying day where he had behaved terribly and that was the warned about in advance last resort sanction. His mum accused me of stealing his iPad to use for my own gain (via a solicitors letter) and included it in her statement for court during the child contact proceedings. So unfortunately it's not as simple as the obvious parenting solutions which under any other circumstance would be what I would do.

Headphones it is then-it seems a good (but sad) compromise for now.

I get why you don’t want to intervene, but your DP should. Children that age can’t control and limit things like that. Left to their own devices, most would be on them all the time. Speak to your DP and try to work out times DSS can have the iPad, then stick to them. Then if DSS complains you can quote the rules at him taking yourself out of the process. “You know what your Dad said - no ipad after 7pm” or whatever.