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Original poster

Best passive aggressive/petty moments..

588 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 11/05/2022 16:49

The other day I was trying to park in one of those private run car parks where there are no designated spaces. There was only one quite awkward space left and there was another car behind me who was practically sat on my tail trying to get this awkward spot. I decided to reverse out and find another car park but this tailgating car was not letting me go go as they were so hell-bent on getting this space and were trying to go around me. I just thought screw it and drove into the spot as I had nowhere to go. You could practically see the red mist coming from the driver's ears as they had to reverse and find another car park 😤

Another consistent one is that we have a manager who will without fail walk up to a small group of colleagues with a query and direct it to the men, completely ignoring the women. So now, even if I know the answer and the male colleague doesn't, I will just get on with my work and not intervene. It's funny to see the manager flapping around trying to work out the answer when he could have just asked...you know...a woman😱

OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 12/05/2022 10:50

Was on a very heavy period, feeling grumpy, fat and grim and exdp (was current dp at the time) kept hinting about it was steak and blow job night (who even knew that was actually a thing before he said it and I looked it up). Just little hints here and there, but it was really pissing me off. which he knew.

He then sent me a text in the afternoon when I was just totally sick of the stomach cramps and feeling like crap, kids had been playing up etc. The text said something like, Looking forward to steak later and lots of BJs.

So I went out and bought 6 tubs of Ben and Jerrys. And told I thought that was what he meant. Twat.

MsMarch · 12/05/2022 10:51

@ThatWriterInTheCorner - brilliant!!!

This might out me as I've told the story a few times, but in our small village there's been a big push to encourage people to shop local, support local businesses etc. For over 10 years, I have been dutifully taking myself off to the local pet shop to pay 20-50% more for my cat's poncy food. In all that time, my experience has ranged from, at best, polite, to downright rude. I recognise all the staff and the owner/manager but not one has ever acted as if they even vaguely remember me.

During Covid, they were one of the many business with passive aggressive messages about needing to support local. Obviously NOTHING about how they were supporting THEIR local community (unlike it, it has to be said, many of the other businesses in the village). On one occasion, DS was with me and they acted as if I'd personally coughed on them. On another, politely waiting outside next to the "please wait to be invited in" sigh, a staff member came past, sighs and says exasperatedly, "come in!"

But the final straw - and my moment of passive aggressive pettiness - came about a year ago. I had Ddog with me and parked outside on way to do the school run. Obviously, my dog got excited smelling all the delicious smells so I went in to get her a treat. Only to realise that a treat is just 10p and while I had my card on me, I had zero cash. The owner/manager was very frustrated and kept saying, "we can't take card payments for just 10p". Understandable, but she didn't need to be so rude about it. Anyway, I said of course I understood but these days no one has cash but I'd pop in and pay later (and remember, I've been in this store probably 100 times over 10 years at this point). She was NOT happy. I couldn't even put the treat back as it was long gone by this stage. And she was basically not letting me leave. Eventually, another member of staff convinces her to let me go.

10 minutes later, on return to the car I found 20p lying on in the footwell. I picked it up, stormed in, slammed it on the counter and said, "keep the change."

I've also never stepped foot in the place again and never will. I buy my pet food at a fraction of the price from Pets at Home or Amazon.

Indicatrice · 12/05/2022 10:52

IncompleteSenten · 12/05/2022 10:49

Yes he did.

The fact he also said the words 'madam' and 'that's' changes nothing.

Madam doesn't make a sentence polite. It can equally be used to be breathtakingly rude.

Show quote history

Jesus, I can’t be arsed with this anymore. The point is the poster deliberately misquoted what he said.

Kanaloa · 12/05/2022 10:53

Bookworm20 · 12/05/2022 10:50

Was on a very heavy period, feeling grumpy, fat and grim and exdp (was current dp at the time) kept hinting about it was steak and blow job night (who even knew that was actually a thing before he said it and I looked it up). Just little hints here and there, but it was really pissing me off. which he knew.

He then sent me a text in the afternoon when I was just totally sick of the stomach cramps and feeling like crap, kids had been playing up etc. The text said something like, Looking forward to steak later and lots of BJs.

So I went out and bought 6 tubs of Ben and Jerrys. And told I thought that was what he meant. Twat.

Uggghhhhh! Where do these men come from? Like are they birthed out of some special Reddit bubble rather than being raised in the world? Yuck. I would have wanted to batter him with the Ben and Jerry’s.

BoDerek · 12/05/2022 10:54

whereismybike · 12/05/2022 09:54

Just after University, I lived in a shared house with people I'd not known before. There was one bedroom on the ground floor, and it's occupant liked to go to the cheap midweek student nights at clubs in town and bring friends back to our place. They would come in after midnight screaming, 'singing' etc, put loud music on in her bedroom and dance around the living room/hall way and her room until they basically passed out, or moved on to getting stoned. This was bloody irritating for those of us who needed to be up early for work. If asked to be quiet they would turn the music down for a few minutes then back up again. Her stance was that everyone should just join in and stop being boring. Everyone else complained about it but only I would ever mention it to her.

On day, a light bulb went and it fused the electrics and I had to go hunting for the fuse box. It turned out to be a very old fashioned thing with huge fuse wire boxes that can be slotted in and out and crucially with a separate labelled fuse for each fuse and for the kitchen. Which gave me an idea. The next time the music came on I crept to the fuse cupboard and removed the downstairs fuse. They were totally out of it and had no idea what to do so went to bed and I had replaced it before they woke up. I was planning to leave it there, as a simple slightly PA move.

But Housemate decided that it had happened just as they turned the music up so the stereo was clearly to blame. I said I thought it unlikely but agreed to ask my (fictional) electrician friend. He (fictionally) confirmed that this was in fact a problem with old wiring, particularly at night when there is more electricity in the wires due the the lower demand. Having been damaged once, there was a good chance that if it happened again the whole system would need to be replaced and it would be very obvious what had caused it so the LL would probably charge Housemate for the expensive repairs. To save her from this, we all agreed that after 10pm no-one would play loud music.

This reminds me of when we lived in a flat in London with a pair of DJs living above. They would come in around 3am and blast music, it was outrageous, not helped by the fact they had stripped the floors, but they refused to make any adjustments.

The electricity box for the house was at the front so I started going to the box and switching off their power every time they woke us up. Would then switch it back on next day. They never worked it out.

dworky · 12/05/2022 10:55

LittleMissUnreasonable · 11/05/2022 16:49

The other day I was trying to park in one of those private run car parks where there are no designated spaces. There was only one quite awkward space left and there was another car behind me who was practically sat on my tail trying to get this awkward spot. I decided to reverse out and find another car park but this tailgating car was not letting me go go as they were so hell-bent on getting this space and were trying to go around me. I just thought screw it and drove into the spot as I had nowhere to go. You could practically see the red mist coming from the driver's ears as they had to reverse and find another car park 😤

Another consistent one is that we have a manager who will without fail walk up to a small group of colleagues with a query and direct it to the men, completely ignoring the women. So now, even if I know the answer and the male colleague doesn't, I will just get on with my work and not intervene. It's funny to see the manager flapping around trying to work out the answer when he could have just asked...you know...a woman😱

It would be better if you answered clearly and added "I hate to see the less intelligent sex struggling"

IncompleteSenten · 12/05/2022 10:57

Closer to paraphrasing or summarising than misquoting.

BoDerek · 12/05/2022 11:02

This reply has been deleted

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That is a bit harsh. I didn’t understand that post at all. I read it as her police officer husband was dealing with a lot of hassle with credit card fraud. I think it’s just the way it’s written that is a bit ambiguous. Bloody awful for him though and I’m glad he took his opportunity to call them out.

sashh · 12/05/2022 11:03

My carer used to hang out at a goth shop, sometimes I would go with him. The woman who owned it was lovely but her husband was a know it all, anything you knew he already knew and often it would be, "a well known fact"

So one day we dropped into conversation

  1. The capital of outer Mongolia is My Ass, he responded with , "I think you will find it's pronounced Mayus"

  2. That mathematically speaking an egg is a cube, apparently this is also a well known fact.

Ponoka7 · 12/05/2022 11:03

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS, all that would have happened would be the till staff ringing for floor staff and the floor staff repacking the trolly, then dealing with it. It would have been quicker for the woman behind you, than you getting served. It was the shop staff that were on the recieving end your pettiness.

Pollydonia · 12/05/2022 11:03

Two petty incidents, both towards a management consultant brought into our office who was the most arrogant prick I have ever had the misfortune to meet. And he was truly shit at his job and his changes had to be reversed as he had lost us a shit tonne of business.
The absolutely lovely reception team used to order lunches in for management, supervisors , visitors ect, as we mainly worked through lunch.
He was vile about the quality of the food and blamed the team as though they had made it themselves. Oh and he never had any cash on him to pay, so I ended up paying so the team weren't left out of pocket.
After a month of this he demanded, at 2pm , a hot lunch of lasagna ( the place we used needed orders for hot food to be in before 1pm , and they closed at 2:15.
Head receptionist calls , they say weve only got a sad specimen left in the freezer from last week , itll be inedible. Great says head receptionist, please nuke in the microwave for as long as poss so he can bounce it round the office. And they did 😆
Same day I asked him for the months worth of lunch cash he owed me. In front of the MD. He sputtered that he would settle up at the end of his contract. I told him that at £150 a month I couldn't afford to keep feeding him and that for his fee ( I worked in finance and had all the details) he could certainly afford it.

Luculentus · 12/05/2022 11:04

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 12/05/2022 10:34

@Buffyismyaltaego

What on earth does, "I think poster and myself," mean?
Im guessing you meant to say, "I think poster and I."

Mumsnet has a bit of a problem with racism. A lot of posters doing the, "oh, what difference does being black" make thing.

A woman write a paragraph about her husband being a black man. Then a separate paragraph about a white customer. It really wasnt confusing. Pretending not to realise that being black would make him a target is a classic mumsnet line.

So either, you're being disingenuous and pretending you dont understand racism. Or you genuinely dont know about racism.

I hadnt considered it was simply very poor reading comprehension.

It really was confusing, and not an issue of poor reading comprehension. There was nothing in that post that explained that the poster's husband was black. Lucky you not being confused, but a number of people on here have explained that they were. Or are you claiming that they are all lying? If so, that's pretty offensive in itself.

SpaceOP · 12/05/2022 11:04

After a few years on the PTA committee and many additional years of helping out whenever needed, the behaviour of the committee just got more and more bizarre and unpleasant. So I now simply refuse to do anything.

I don't even feel bad because I have been directly and indirectly involved in raising thousands and thousands and thousands of pounds for the school, none of which my child will see the benefit of because of their uselessness.

OooohAhhhh · 12/05/2022 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Luculentus · 12/05/2022 11:07

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 12/05/2022 10:43

@Kanaloa

There is a massive difference between typos and writing, "The poster and myself."

That's another common mumsnet phrase. It's always, "My husband and myself" or, "He gave it to myself".

Never just I or me.

It isnt a typo or text speak. It is entirely the wrong word.

"Poster and myself" makes absolutely no sense.

But then, isnt is entirely the wrong word.

galvanizethis · 12/05/2022 11:07

FlipFlopFlap1981 · 12/05/2022 08:52

I never comment on Mumsnet but have a passive aggressive move that I have been pulling out of the drawer for the last 3 years. My husband bought me a birthday card 3 years ago and he made the colossal mistake of buying me one with a badge that says 'Amazing Wife'.

Now - whenever he is being a knob or has anything negative to say about me I go and put that badge on and just walk around the house with it...I have been to tesco wearing it - school run - even a dinner with his family where before the meal he had a go at me because he thought I was being too slow getting ready.

It does break the tension and makes us laugh but he will always regret buying it!

😂Brilliant!!

Rosehugger · 12/05/2022 11:09

It's amazing how many drivers you can annoy just by sticking to the speed limit.

crashingagainandagain · 12/05/2022 11:11

@whereismybike that is genius!!

ODFOx · 12/05/2022 11:12

I am being passive aggressive at the moment but DH hasn't noticed yet. In fact I'm hoping he doesn't notice because I'm a bit of a walkover/laid back about most things and it's giving me a tiny thrill just being a bit awkward.
I bought myself a bottle of Remy Martin champagne cognac at Christmas. It has been at the back of the cupboard since then, after we both had one on Christmas Day and after dinner on New Years Day. We have other drinks about: I buy other brandy for cooking, wine and beer, and DH like Jack Daniels so we are by no means a dry house but Remy is my favourite and a real treat for me (he isn't that bothered about cognac).
A couple of weeks ago I went to pour us both one to go with coffee after I'd made a special meal, only to find that there was only one measure left in the bottle. I was miffed, but not enough to make a fuss, but I poured it for myself and had it with my coffee, without mentioning it. He knows that I know he drank my special
Cognac, but I haven't told him that I know or made an issue of it because although I am miffed, it is only a bottle of booze and he's lovely apart from that!
Last week he presented me with a bottle of a special reserve Remy that he'd spotted on line as he knew I'd love it (he's right, I will), and then dropped into conversation that he's dying for me to open it as he'd love to try it too.
Reader, I am never ever opening that bottle. Wink
Petty,? absolutely. Cutting off my nose to site my face? Completely. And yet, every time I think of my hereforto unnoticed passive protest I get a little frisson of happiness.

hangrylady · 12/05/2022 11:13

mercury88 · 12/05/2022 10:15

@hangrylady I don't get this. People make mistakes, and if someone acts a certain way fair enough they get taken aside (or whatever they do with shoplifting). Your husband is stealing and I hope he gets caught.

Learn to read. It's someone my husband knows, not my husband.

Rosehugger · 12/05/2022 11:14

Or people who bump you with their trolley as they queue (happens most often at Waitrose, it seems to attract a certain type of irritable and entitled retired man). I can pack a week's shopping for five like a speed demon at Aldi but it's amazing how slow I can become if necessary.

crashingagainandagain · 12/05/2022 11:14

Hamster photo
Amazing Wife

also win the thread! Apart from all of the arguments and people calling others ‘thick’ !!! I’ve enjoyed this thread.

McT123 · 12/05/2022 11:15

It's probably me, but is it possible that some people on this thread are not 100% sure what passive-aggresive behaviour is?

I'm sure if we all concentrate we can sort out what is truly passive-aggressive and what is merely petty or straightforwardly aggressive.

Thank you in advance,

The Thread Police.

warofthemonstertrucks · 12/05/2022 11:15

Exh used to have a weird thing that he 'couldn't' have the volume on the TV on an uneven number on the volume scale thing. We he annoyed me I would put it on an Jensen number when he wasn't looking and then be secretly smug that he hadn't noticed.

ChilledScandi · 12/05/2022 11:15

Just grim. I seriously don’t understand why you would want to be with a person like that.