If you know me you'll already know this story, so this will absolutely out me, but I enjoy telling it so I don't care. On my first day back to work after mat leave with DD, our resident office knobber decided to share his opinion that "if" he ever had children then he and his (entirely theoretical) partner would never put them into nursery. Instead, he would earn enough money for his partner to stay at home and look after their baby. Lovely.
Important background info: Office Knobber, like many of us, often ate his lunch at his desk, using cutlery borrowed from the office canteen for this purpose. The canteen staff (quite reasonably) didn't appreciate us wandering off with all their cutlery, and would regularly make requests for the return of all their missing items. At the time, Office Knobber had managed to accumulate a massive collection of spoons and forks. (He wasn't going to take the cutlery back to the canteen, on account of being A Very Important Knobber.)
So I waited until he was out of the office for a good four-day stretch, and then I collected up all his spoons and forks from where they were scattered among his belongings and laid them out in a long, neat row, right across his desk. There were really quite a lot of them. It looked amazing. Also,completely unhinged. After a while, a couple of people walked past his desk and saw it and said, "That's brilliant" and then the word obviously got out, because over the next four days, people started coming from all over the building to make a pilgrimage to see the desk of this strange, strange man, inexplicably covered with contraband cutlery. My proudest moment was when the factory manager came from over the road to have a look. (We were all in marketing, and were therefore a bit annoying and poncey, so having someone with a real job like Factory Manager come and visit us in our natural habitat felt like a special experience).
The best part was that most of our visitors thought he'd done it himself, for inexplicable Knobber reasons of his own. The general consensus seemed to be that 1) this was somehow about what they'd expect of him (somehow) and 2) they'd always thought he was a wrong 'un and were glad to have their suspicions confirmed.
And then when he came back, I got the enjoy the even bettest best part: before he could even put down his laptop, he had to collect up all the cutlery and do the Walk Of Shame up to the canteen to return it. And because there was so much of it, all the canteen staff hated him for ever more and he always got the edge piece on pie day and he never got extra chips ever, ever again. And for the rest of his time at the company, he was known throughout every department as "that weird marketing guy who had all the cutlery on his desk".
Revenge: a dish best served with seventeen spoons and twenty-one forks.