To be upset husband has booked a ‘novelty’ restaurant?

[trapperjohna]

It’s my 50th next Saturday. DH told me he’d book a nice restaurant and I was really looking forward to it as we rarely ever eat out. I was expecting to go somewhere nice in central Liverpool, he knows I love the waterfront so I was thinking he’d book somewhere around there.

Today he’s revealed he’s booked a place in Sheffield (which is annoying enough in itself, 90 minute drive for a meal and it won’t be relaxing at all) which is a novelty restaurant where the staff are intentionally rude to you and it’s all part of it. He’s booked it for the teens as well. I asked why on Earth he’d booked that and he said because he was curious about it and thought it’d be fun.

But it’s not me at all. I’m very self-conscious and even though it’ll all be a joke the thought of the staff verbally abusing me makes me anxious. I’ll end up taking something to heart and getting upset.

DH is annoyed I’ve asked him to cancel it and says I’m a spoil sport, but it’s my birthday dinner.

I wouldn't go. Can you cancel the booking ? I would then book something and somewhere I would want to go. 🙂

It’s deeply concerning that you’re going to this restaurant still, despite your very valid reasons not to want to. If your husband wants to go, he can take your kids and you can sit it out. The fact that you’re going says something very worrying about your own boundaries and even worse about your husband’s regard for your views.

So you’re going to sit there, being mocked and sworn at, feeling like shit about it and probably triggered by your last trauma, and your husband is actively pushing for this and will see it as a good night out?! That is so utterly fucked up in all manner of ways :-(

This is all just so messed up and sad Op. I hope you take something from this thread and it makes you think about your vile husband. And please don’t go to this awful restaurant.

Agreed. If he was decent he would immediately book somewhere else and go to that place with the teens or his friends on another date.

This would be my idea of hell, it's clearly yours too OP and it's YOUR birthday. Not only will you be getting insulted but you'll be doing it while eating a burger after a 90 minute drive!

How would he react if you booked something for his 50th that you liked, it gave him anxiety and you then put him down for not wanting to go? Genuine question.

Flip side given your DH was wanting you to go and now your not he can book something that you like to celebrate your special day!

Hope you have a wonderful birthday!

Well, I suppose for once an a thread being picked up by the press has had a positive result !

Its also not a very nice part of sheffield- just down past the train station on the way out of town/ theres nothing else there unless. We do have some lovely restaurants though. I would suggest heading to Kelham Island. Domo is lovely and theres plenty of nearby bars for drinks after.

I'm sorry but that's a bit unfair. If they have teens they've clearly been together for a long time. OP sounds un-confrontational/anxious and her H sounds like a bully, years of that make it much more difficult to stand up for yourself. Hopefully the OP will realise through all the replies how bad this is and then is able to stand up for herself more, because to me it reads as more than thoughtlessly picking the wrong restaurant.

If its the one I'm thinking of, I drive past it every day. Parking looks like an utter nightmare, not sure if that makes any difference

Just looked at the menu, not only is it a novelty restaurant, it’s a burger restaurant. Not appropriate for a special bday at all! What was he thinking??

Sounds dreadful. But mine didn't even send me a card for my 50th let alone think of taking me out. There are degrees of awfulness.

BM have done you a favour. Quite right to do it on your kid’s bday, and not yours, if it’s for your kid’s sake! What à cop out on his part - now he can actually think of somewhere nice to take you, the thoughtless git.

But it is also not a competition.

YANBU
When I read the title, I thought you were bu. However, you are right. Tell him to cancel. Book something you like. Who on earth would want someone to be rude to them. Hopefully, you have a lovely birthday meal.

OP I have anxiety on your behalf.

This sounds like my worst nightmare, worse still because you were expecting something nice. Going out for dinner is one of my favourite things to do, I just want to eat nice food in a nice place and not be overly bothered by staff or other guests.

My 40th was ruined by a surprise party that I very very clearly stated I absolutely did not want. I'm not over it two years later. It tainted what had been a lovely day celebrating by doing things I liked, you know, because it was MY birthday.

I wouldn't go. Make a stand. Don't let them ruin your birthday any more.

It has been cancelled, @CowCuddler - the story ended up in the press, and when the OP told her dh this, they decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to go.

I'd have refused purely on the grounds it's just a bloody burger restaurant, the rest is just insult to injury! For once I'm glad a low paid hack has trawled Mumsnet for a 'story' and got you out of spending your 50th dinner there 👌

Yes but what people seem to be overlooking is that they are not going anywhere else instead. So, no nice birthday treat for OP for her 50th. But apparently may still be going to Sheffield Shit hole for DSS birthday. Not much of a result IMO

Next time you make dinner for him serve it to him and tell him he's a miserable twat. If he gets offended tell him you're just giving him the "Karen's diner experience".

Don't for the love of God go ahead with this.make him go on his own

Very much sounds like a niche market. No, I'd be telling him to cancel too. Then I'd book it for his birthday

I think you should consider divorce.
You think I’m joking? I wish I was

I find that completly selfish 😕your basically doing something he wants to do for your Big 50th birthday?! my friend has been to the place and said they are very rude and it's all really great if you like shit food and an insult- absolutly wouldn't be my idea of a good time at all and would definitely not be going never mind for my big birthday! Just tell him straight take the kids I don't want to go it's something you want to do so go do it.
I hope apart from this you have a fantastic birthday and get to have a nice lovely meal 😊

Does he KNOW what happens when it's someone's birthday? (Look it up on google.) If you don't like banter, swearing especially not directed at you don't do it. Just don't. You won't enjoy it. At ALL. Think this might be a case where self preservation is needed and you just have to tell him you're not doing it.

I’m furious and upset on your behalf OP. He wanted to plough on with this shit plan for your special birthday in spite of you not wanting to go (for very valid reasons although “it’s my idea of hell” would be quite reasonable enough), and now he’s found a different reason to make you go. Why on earth can’t he and DS go on their own at some other point? And it’s so disappointing that the reason for not going on your birthday is due to the possibility of being outed rather than your DH realising that he’s been a dick and coming up with an alternative plan. Please, please think about working on your assertiveness in order to have your needs met and wishes respected.

Your bDay your choice!
his choice sounds hellish !

Is this Karen's? It's really nice tbf. Me and my DH had a good laugh and a child free night. We'd go again.