To be upset husband has booked a ‘novelty’ restaurant?

[trapperjohna]

It’s my 50th next Saturday. DH told me he’d book a nice restaurant and I was really looking forward to it as we rarely ever eat out. I was expecting to go somewhere nice in central Liverpool, he knows I love the waterfront so I was thinking he’d book somewhere around there.

Today he’s revealed he’s booked a place in Sheffield (which is annoying enough in itself, 90 minute drive for a meal and it won’t be relaxing at all) which is a novelty restaurant where the staff are intentionally rude to you and it’s all part of it. He’s booked it for the teens as well. I asked why on Earth he’d booked that and he said because he was curious about it and thought it’d be fun.

But it’s not me at all. I’m very self-conscious and even though it’ll all be a joke the thought of the staff verbally abusing me makes me anxious. I’ll end up taking something to heart and getting upset.

DH is annoyed I’ve asked him to cancel it and says I’m a spoil sport, but it’s my birthday dinner.

I feel very sad you will still have to go to this restaurant on your sons birthday and be exposed to the abuse. Does your family have so little love and respect for you that they are happy to take you to a place they know will insult you? They know you will be dreading this until your sons birthday. I imagine it will be very entertaining for them to see your distress. When you get upset on your sons birthday they will turn it on your and say you are ruining his day. I don't feel like this is a win at all your birthday plans were cancelled because of the newspaper. Not because they were concerned about you. Put your foot down and refuse to go with them.

It’s actually amazing the extent to which some people will prioritise men.

apparently his embarrassment at an article about his behaviour that does not name him is much worse than the OP feeling anxious in the run up to and then being subject to ‘fun’ abuse at a restaurant to celebrate her milestone birthday.

🙄

It’s actually amazing the extent to which some people will prioritise men

Isn't it just. And calling Mumsnet the land of the Karen, that's either a misogynist bloke or a self-hating woman.

Christ, it sounds awful. Don’t accept it, it’s your birthday and not what you want to do. He’s only booked it, guessing he hasn’t paid yet so sack it off and you choose somewhere better.

YANBU OP. Dreadful, ridiculous concept. The video of the staff at this place made me seriously cringe. How they make any money at all is beyond me. I would categorically NOT be going here. Especially not for such a special birthday!

So, if that hadn't happened you'd still have gone along with it?

Why? Why wouldn't you have just refused?

What was his actual reaction to your upset and the comments on this thread?

Which he deserves. He wanted to humiliate his wife on her 50th birthday so I hope he gets his.

And your misogyny is showing very clearly.

Oh dear. Linked to Birmingham Mail. Why is the Birmingham Mail interested in a Liverpool poster? Not exactly local news?

Did you show him this thread OP, he'll enjoy all the insults and he doesn't even have to pay for them 💩

I'm glad the OP doesn't now have to put up with an unpleasant experience for her birthday meal but her spectacularly dim, selfish DH hasn't learned anything at all from the whole sorry episode, has he?
I just don't get the rationale behind this kind of place -- I mean, why would anybody with half a brain pay their own good money to go out for a meal just to be sworn at and insulted?

Not to mention the nasty misogyny too.

Sounds awful OP. On your birthday it should be about doing what YOU want and everyone making sure you have a lovely day - the wants of your stepson, DH, whoever else are completely irrelevant. Your DH sounds a self absorbed prick.

I know there is no vote but I honestly think this would be 100% YANBU!

I don’t see how anyone can think YABU?!
surely no one would?

I had a read on line about the origins of this type restaurant as no idea about it being a thing and it was originally an American idea ( so it says , but I bet someone will say that's wrong !) and there was a big fuss about one opening in the UK. This surprised me as the states have built their reputation on great customer service and the staff rely heavily on the tips ( which are compulsory in many places over there , or at least it was when I went once in the 1990s once , not sure now)
It sounds a wacky idea to me, but it's clearly popular with some people or they would not have opened one here.
Going on a three hour round trip to get there and back to be insulted is also crazy.

YANBU!

whilst your DH may think this is fun you clearly do not which you have expressed. The fact that he is pushing this shows that he has not genuinely thought about you in this at all. He is being completely unreasonable for not booking somewhere else - why would he even want you to go knowing, as you’ve told him, that it would make you feel uncomfortable? I mean is he expecting you to do the driving too?!?!

If he refuses to change it maybe let him go with the kids and you can either go to a spa and relax or go and do a bottomless brunch with your girlfriends? So far his response is just selfish.

I’m loving the selection of usernames the Birmingham mail have decided to quote in the article 🤣

I must admit, I'm dying to take my 15 year old dd (who never stops swearing and has sarcasm oozing from her pores...) but you definitely do have to "get" it to enjoy that sort of thing!

Yup!

If they want to be insulted & throw insults back-fair enough.

It's not as if there's a decent selection of food to make it worthwhile!

Yeah Op why should you have to go for your step sons birthday?

I wouldn’t.

They can go themselves if they’re so into it

@galvanizethis

Do you really find that funny?

@galvanizethis

good for you. There’s loads of very basic misogynistic ‘humour’ still in circulation sadly - well it’s sad for most of us, but evidently not you, so you just crack on eh 👍

You sound like a lot of fun!

@galvanizethis

i sure am! 😊

So glad to hear you are not going! Before I read your update I was hoping your saving grace would be that with any luck the staff would turn their focus/ire on him ‘mate it’s her 50th birthday and you’ve brought her to a fucking burger bar? do you actually like her??!’

Then again maybe he’d enjoy the scorn? Either way relieved you’re going elsewhere.

It’s pretty sad that misogyny is supposedly ‘fun’. And objecting to it is being a misery.

You mean you are not getting to go anywhere now on your birthday because of this? That is pretty shit. He could still take you somewhere nice, the chance that anyone will make the connection is miniscule. Do not let him off the hook like this otherwise this means no birthday treat for you and you still have the prospect of having to put up with that awful place for your DSS birthday.

Why do I get the impression that you are now apologetic for starting the thread rather than him feeling embarrassed on realising what a selfish idiot he has been.