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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset husband has booked a ‘novelty’ restaurant?

600 replies

trapperjohna · 11/05/2022 15:25

It’s my 50th next Saturday. DH told me he’d book a nice restaurant and I was really looking forward to it as we rarely ever eat out. I was expecting to go somewhere nice in central Liverpool, he knows I love the waterfront so I was thinking he’d book somewhere around there.

Today he’s revealed he’s booked a place in Sheffield (which is annoying enough in itself, 90 minute drive for a meal and it won’t be relaxing at all) which is a novelty restaurant where the staff are intentionally rude to you and it’s all part of it. He’s booked it for the teens as well. I asked why on Earth he’d booked that and he said because he was curious about it and thought it’d be fun.

But it’s not me at all. I’m very self-conscious and even though it’ll all be a joke the thought of the staff verbally abusing me makes me anxious. I’ll end up taking something to heart and getting upset.

DH is annoyed I’ve asked him to cancel it and says I’m a spoil sport, but it’s my birthday dinner.

OP posts:
Abraxan · 11/05/2022 20:26

Steamedhams · 11/05/2022 20:20

Oh hun I really hope you aren't going.

I just did a google for best restaurants in Sheffield and the top three results look lovely. Ego, grazie and meraki. Why not book a table at one of these or somewhere nice and go with anyone who wants to. I suspect your daughter would be tempted by nice looking food over some crappy looking burgers. The boys can do their own thing if they want to. You'd probably have a nice time away from them judging by their idea of "humour".

Time to put your big girl pants on I'm afraid as your husband has really missed the mark.

Even nicer (imo) somewhere like No Name, Joro, Rafters, etc.

But tbh I wouldn't be driving 90 minutes each way to another city for a meal out unless it was part of a weekend away, a very specific sought after restaurant or meeting people local to there.

WonderingWanda · 11/05/2022 20:27

That sounds horrible, don't go. Your husband is unreasonable to not immedietly want to change it for something that will make you happy on your birthday!!

TurquoiseDragon · 11/05/2022 20:31

What this sounds like to me, is that he wants to go there, and thought booking it would kill 2 birds with one stone. IE, he's booked something for your birtthday while getting to go somewhere he wanted to go.

He's not given a thought to what you might like for your birthday.

He's got no right to be annoyed that you don''t want to go; this birthday is about you, not him.

Steamedhams · 11/05/2022 20:31

Abraxan · 11/05/2022 20:26

Even nicer (imo) somewhere like No Name, Joro, Rafters, etc.

But tbh I wouldn't be driving 90 minutes each way to another city for a meal out unless it was part of a weekend away, a very specific sought after restaurant or meeting people local to there.

Show quote history

Definitely. Just don't go to that awful burger place!

oviraptor21 · 11/05/2022 20:36

trapperjohna · 11/05/2022 16:35

DH can be a bit of a jokester so I wouldn’t 100% rule out he’s actually booked somewhere really lovely and is winding me up, but I think seeing how upset (and tbh, anxious) I am about the booking at the Sheffield place he’d have come out with it.

Him and DSS really want to go, I think it genuinely is their plan.

My 19 year old DD is a bit disappointed for me but thinks we should try and make the best of it.

No way should you 'make the best of it'.
Let those that want to go, go (preferably on another occasion) and make it clear you won't ever be going, on your birthday or at any other time.

dottiedodah · 11/05/2022 20:45

I think just to say you dont want to go there on your birthday end of.Maybe say he and DSS can go another time on their own? Its your birthday after all! I often think to say up front what you want to do for BD. ( There are many disappointed ladies on here with the "wrong sort of BD treat!) Choose somewhere YOU like! For our 40th I have chosen destination.hotel and activities.Also a nice bracelet as well.

Sally090807 · 11/05/2022 20:45

Do you think he’d know you’d hate it so he’s told you it’s there when secretly he’s got something romantic and lovely planned.

GoodJanetBadJanet · 11/05/2022 20:47

Oh, I've heard of this Karen's Diner! Only because it's popped up as a sponsored advert a few times on FB (probably because of being a 40 something it thinks I'm a Karen lol) so I went to the website to have a nosey out of curiosity.
It looks like fun if you like that sort of thing/your sense of humour, but I'm with you on this OP, I really wouldn't want to go there as I like to go for a meal to have a pleasant experience, not people bloody moaning/insulting under the guise of fun!
Sounds like he's booked this as he'd thought it'd be something he'd like and the kids and hasn't really taken into consideration what kind of thing YOU like.
Have you told him that you don't want to go, it's making you feel anxious and you'd like to go somewhere else?
If he's decent should make him think twice and book somewhere else.
After all, it's your birthday treat. He can always go there with the kids another time, but this is your day.
As for the snobs going "A burger bar? On your 50th?!" if that's the kind of thing people do like, so what?! Same if your humour is Karen Diner.
We're all different, can't be doing with people belittling others choices.

GoodJanetBadJanet · 11/05/2022 20:54

OP, if you PM me your husband’s name and the date of your birthday I will cancel Karen’s for you and book you a nice place in Liverpool.

Yeah, I'm sure you're coming from a nice place, but OP don't dox yourself by giving out your details!
Oh and also pp your idea of "a nice place" could also be shit Grin
Subjective and all that, innit.

RollOnWinter · 11/05/2022 20:56

It's your birthday, you should get to choose where to go. Try telling him that if he wants to be insulted/served with a very poor attitude, you can do that at home Grin

the80sweregreat · 11/05/2022 21:00

That's shit op! Who wants to be insulted on their special birthday?
I'd tell him to cancel and book up a place you want to go to.
If he doesn't , I'd book up anyway and just go with the kids without him!

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 11/05/2022 21:00

trapperjohna · 11/05/2022 15:25

It’s my 50th next Saturday. DH told me he’d book a nice restaurant and I was really looking forward to it as we rarely ever eat out. I was expecting to go somewhere nice in central Liverpool, he knows I love the waterfront so I was thinking he’d book somewhere around there.

Today he’s revealed he’s booked a place in Sheffield (which is annoying enough in itself, 90 minute drive for a meal and it won’t be relaxing at all) which is a novelty restaurant where the staff are intentionally rude to you and it’s all part of it. He’s booked it for the teens as well. I asked why on Earth he’d booked that and he said because he was curious about it and thought it’d be fun.

But it’s not me at all. I’m very self-conscious and even though it’ll all be a joke the thought of the staff verbally abusing me makes me anxious. I’ll end up taking something to heart and getting upset.

DH is annoyed I’ve asked him to cancel it and says I’m a spoil sport, but it’s my birthday dinner.

I've seen it promoted on facebook, definitely a quirky selling point but certainly not for me.

DrBrennerFan · 11/05/2022 21:02

I’d say “You’ll be going 0n your own then” sounds like hell on earth I haven’t read whole thread didn’t realise it was so long.

the80sweregreat · 11/05/2022 21:04

I'd be so annoyed op!
Does he have form for this type of thing ?

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 11/05/2022 21:04

FGS woman find your backbone and just tell them you will not be going. Apart from the hilariously rude staff the food looks absolute shite.

Tell your H and SS they are quite welcome to go on their birthdays, but you want to go a restaurant that serves delicious food and caters for adults.

Do you have friends or other family you can go to Liverpool with for your birthday? If so, arrange something with them. Frankly I'd rather stay at home than pay good money for beige bilge in a basket.

Latenightthoughts111 · 11/05/2022 21:05

This thread has made the press just to let you know

Rainbowqueeen · 11/05/2022 21:10

I’d ask him flat out why he thinks it is appropriate to choose somewhere that he knows you will dislike as the venue for your celebration. He’s not being curious, he’s being a thoughtful selfish arsehole. He can go there another time.

Id also tell him that you will think less of him and lose respect for him as a person if he does not change the venue and continues to put his wants over your enjoyment and comfort on your special day. And you won’t be the only one. If someone I knew did this to their wife I’d think they didn’t like their wife very much. Sorry you are having to deal with this.

The4teddybears · 11/05/2022 21:10

This is what I’d do ..on the night before your birthday don’t come home and go to the nice hotel you’ve booked for yourself, in a nice town with nice shops and a pool and a spa . Settle in to the room with a lovely bath and a book and nice PJs you’ve secretly packed . Send. Text saying your ok and turn the phone off . On your birthday have a treatment and a swim in the pool then go out in to the nice town .
Enjoy you birthday and let em stew !

the80sweregreat · 11/05/2022 21:14

I had to look up this restaurant , it's not my cup of tea, but I can imagine big groups of people might like it as something different , maybe stag nights or something?
It's not a birthday venue really.
I'd refuse to go and book up my own venue , but then I'm done putting up with shit from men

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 11/05/2022 21:15

I live in Sheffield. Myself and friends are totally bemused by the popularity of this place!

Bambi7 · 11/05/2022 21:17

What a selfish pig! Your birthday, your choice! I would not want a 3 hour round trip regardless of the restaurant.

whynotwhatknot · 11/05/2022 21:18

who cares id him and his son want to go its not their bloody birthday

jesus what is wrong with some people

op its your 50th not a jolly night out for misogisnistic men

Bambi7 · 11/05/2022 21:18

You have to tell him to cancel it OP and you have every right to be furious if he gives you a hard time over it x

the80sweregreat · 11/05/2022 21:21

It's my first ever LTB if he insists on this !!!
It's your day, not his.

SiobhanSharpe · 11/05/2022 21:23

LauraNicolaides · 11/05/2022 16:44

There's a Chinese restaurant called Wong Kei in London which is famous for its rude staff. We went once in 1996, lasted approximately 90 seconds before we flounced out in a huff and haven't been back in 25 years! Why would anyone want to go somewhere like that?

(And apparently the food is awful anyway. Their only selling point is rudeness.)

I've been there once and the food was very cheap, it's ready suspiciously quickly and is banged down onto the table in front of you.
The staff are, er, extremely brusque rather than out-and-out insulting although they may be saying horrible things about the diners in Cantonese for all I know.
It was popular with students. The food was terrible.