To be upset husband has booked a ‘novelty’ restaurant?

[trapperjohna]

It’s my 50th next Saturday. DH told me he’d book a nice restaurant and I was really looking forward to it as we rarely ever eat out. I was expecting to go somewhere nice in central Liverpool, he knows I love the waterfront so I was thinking he’d book somewhere around there.

Today he’s revealed he’s booked a place in Sheffield (which is annoying enough in itself, 90 minute drive for a meal and it won’t be relaxing at all) which is a novelty restaurant where the staff are intentionally rude to you and it’s all part of it. He’s booked it for the teens as well. I asked why on Earth he’d booked that and he said because he was curious about it and thought it’d be fun.

But it’s not me at all. I’m very self-conscious and even though it’ll all be a joke the thought of the staff verbally abusing me makes me anxious. I’ll end up taking something to heart and getting upset.

DH is annoyed I’ve asked him to cancel it and says I’m a spoil sport, but it’s my birthday dinner.

You're not seriously going to go for your 50th are you? Fuck that! If he wants to go with DSS they can go another time and book something nice for your birthday. Don't let him get away with this shit. Actually I can't believe he wants to go ahead when he knows you don't want to go, nasty git

When he does go with DSS there's one in Manchester which at least would save the 90 min drive across the Pennines! Which is another problem. Who the fuck would want to sit in a car for min 90mins for a crap burger, crap service then 90 mins back. Madness

I was going to say 'let him take the teens' but actually hell would freeze over before I normalised the misogyny of using 'Karens' as an insult.

Book somewhere lovely for your birthday OP and then decide if you want him to join you or if you want to enjoy it with your friends instead. I'm actually speechless that he thought this was a good idea. What a bloody disappointment he is!

This is like when Homer bought a bowling ball for Marge's birthday.

He's arranged a jolly for himself, hasn't he? With zero thought or consideration to OP, who is celebrating a milestone birthday. Whether it's 'great fun' or not, it's not what OP would enjoy or what she wants, and that's all that needs to be said. Who on earth wants to take their spouse somewhere they don't want to go for their 50th birthday?!

Stand firm and tell him to cancel it and book someplace you, the person whose birthday is being celebrated, would actually enjoy. He booked that one because he thinks it would be a laugh, he* would enjoy it; your birthday was just the excuse to book it. Tell him he got it very wrong and made it about him and to sort it out.

Yuck. YANBU! He should know that wouldn't be your cup of tea. He could at least have asked first, if he wasn't certain. He should be ashamed for trying to make you feel guilty that he was made a stupid, selfish choice.

No, it isn't nice at all.

He organised something for himself, something he's been wanting to do, with no consideration for what his wife would actually enjoy on her milestone birthday.

Quite, why are you finding this so hard OP? You are allowed to use the word NO you know, it's not forbidden for you to do so.

Tell him you're not going and hope he has a nice time. Then do something for yourself. Whatever you want. No way I'd put myself through that, never mind on a significant birthday. He needs to feel how wrong he is on this one.

I've been to the Disney one. It's nothing like this at all. No swearing, no actual rudeness, no slagging people off, nothing like that. Just some light hearted ribbing of not eating your vegetables or having elbows on the table/phones out. All incredibly gentle and if anyone isn't engaging without as have cold feet or it's not what they expected they,totally leave them alone and don't force you into it.

From what my friends saw when they went through this is a very different experience - aggressive, offensive, shouting, swearing and proper rudeness. Disney it is not!

I must be a complete snowflake as I just don't get this type of humour at all. Even if I know it's coming, Even if I know it's a performance and not personal. I'd still be smiling away as I cried inside and fought back tears. And if they said something mean to my children I think I'd flip.

I've just watched the videos, I think it's horrible.

Crossing my fingers that he’s winding you up…

I mean, my DH wouldn't do it because he hates that kind of thing as well, but I totally wouldn't go. I hate humour based on embarrassment, humiliation and being put on the spot - you are entitled not to like it!

It may be his idea of fun, but it's not yours and it's your birthday.

I'm thinking about what I did for my 50th and feeling very sad for you.
If I were you I would go out somewhere nice with friends or my daughter.
It kind of feels as tho your H and SS are "ganging up" on you. If you've been putting up with this your 50th seems like the perfect time to make a change and do what you like.

I'm fairly confident and outgoing and I'd still really really hate that too. It just sounds shit. I know some people will find it funny but it's not everyone's cup of tea and sounds like DH had seriously misjudged it.

Maybe ask him if it's a joke?

100% don't go. I'd rather get fish and chips and a nice walk round the docks if the weather's good.

So your DH has booked a 'novelty' restaurant for your big birthday purely because he was curious? Is he always so thoughtless to your likes and wants?

It sounds awful. I've googled it. I'd absolutely hate that. Sounds like they pick on people celebrating their birthday in particular.

Why on earth would your DH want you to be humiliated on your birthday, even if it's supposed to be "fun"?
Is he going to get a kick out of you being embarrassed.

Just tell him no you won't be going and he should cancel it and book elsewhere.
If he doesn't book somewhere else then he can go to Karen's on his own. He can't make you get in the car.

Don't teach your girl to be a support-human.

I'd be tempted to booked a Michelin starred place in Liverpool for you and DD and let DS and DH go to their shitty, sexist, toilet-food place. Let them be insulted.

I'd be very disappointed I raised a son with that level of acceptance of sexism and lack of care about my birthday TBH.

Yanbu make him change it

It's a shame that your DH is bullying you but it seems like this is normal in your relationship? I think you would benefit from some counselling to try and work out why you accept this behaviour. Good luck with it all.

Please don't go! I'm also very anxious and self conscious and being insulted and the butt of jokes is my idea of hell, even more so on a birthday! If you go you will end up having a terrible night (I know that's not a certainty but given what you've said I think it's the most likely outcome), possibly come away feeling awful and vulnerable and even more upset with your husband. Saying a firm no now will save you greater upset later I'm sure of it. Really sorry your dp hasn't immediately apologised and cancelled and rebooked somewhere more suitable. Really shitty of him. I hope you end up doing something lovely to celebrate

Oh hun I really hope you aren't going.

I just did a google for best restaurants in Sheffield and the top three results look lovely. Ego, grazie and meraki. Why not book a table at one of these or somewhere nice and go with anyone who wants to. I suspect your daughter would be tempted by nice looking food over some crappy looking burgers. The boys can do their own thing if they want to. You'd probably have a nice time away from them judging by their idea of "humour".

Time to put your big girl pants on I'm afraid as your husband has really missed the mark.

@LampLighter414 - the OP has said just the thought of this diner makes her anxious - especially as a victim of bullying. She knows, 100%, that she will hate it - she will be tense and dreading what might be said every time a waiter comes near her, and she will feel humiliated by the abuse from the waiters. Why should she be grateful to her dh for wanting to put her through such an unpleasant experience?

I’m sure people enjoy going to this diner and getting heckled by the staff - fair play to them - but the OP knows she will hate it, and it is the polar opposite of what she wants to do for her 50th. Why shouldn’t she expect her dh to a) know when and her history and to understand that she will hate this experience and b) know her well enough to book somewhere she would enjoy?

@LampLighter414 is clearly on the wind-up.

Either that, or s/he genuinely does think sitting on the motorway for 3 hours constitutes a good night out.