To be upset husband has booked a ‘novelty’ restaurant?

[trapperjohna]

It’s my 50th next Saturday. DH told me he’d book a nice restaurant and I was really looking forward to it as we rarely ever eat out. I was expecting to go somewhere nice in central Liverpool, he knows I love the waterfront so I was thinking he’d book somewhere around there.

Today he’s revealed he’s booked a place in Sheffield (which is annoying enough in itself, 90 minute drive for a meal and it won’t be relaxing at all) which is a novelty restaurant where the staff are intentionally rude to you and it’s all part of it. He’s booked it for the teens as well. I asked why on Earth he’d booked that and he said because he was curious about it and thought it’d be fun.

But it’s not me at all. I’m very self-conscious and even though it’ll all be a joke the thought of the staff verbally abusing me makes me anxious. I’ll end up taking something to heart and getting upset.

DH is annoyed I’ve asked him to cancel it and says I’m a spoil sport, but it’s my birthday dinner.

Is this part of a pattern where your needs get subordinated to what he wants (and his desire to give DSS what he wants)?

Because it looks like he’s decided that his son gets to decide what you do for your 50th birthday and he expects you to go along with it - even though he knows that it fills you with horror.

It cannot possibly be the first inclination that he expects you to come last.

Any sensible father would have put that one down as a birthday activity for his son. Not tried to take over your birthday because it came first.

Just refuse to go. Book what you actually want. Tell him he is welcome to join you. Or you’ll go and enjoy your special birthday with someone else.

You will possibly always be a bit resentful that you had to do this. But it’s much better than actually putting yourself through the dining experience.

It sounds awful! Poor you, OP, I totally understand why you feel upset and anxious. Put your foot down and tell him to cancel and book somewhere you will actually enjoy. If he's keen on doing a novelty / adventure type dinner, he can book it for another time and preferably find something nicer like dinner in the dark or a molecular cusine tasting menu thing maybe.

Just don’t go to it. It sounds awful.

Is there any possibility your DD is saying “oh, we’ll make the best of it” because she knows it really is a hoax booking and you’re actually going somewhere lovely in Liverpool?

<clutching at straws>

It’s still horrible. Making her anxious and upset about her birthday is not a fun thing to do. Even as a joke.

Book somewhere nice for that day yourself, tell DH & invite him to come with you. It's then up to him what he does. If he doesn't want to go, take someone you like, or a book, or your phone. You're bound to enjoy it more than what he's booked.

You know you'll hate it so say 'I Am Not Going To That Place' and think no more about it.

If H says he's booked somewhere else, then fine. If not, have a nice night in.

Do not try to make the best of it.

www.thestar.co.uk/lifestyle/food-and-drink/karens-diner-restaurant-with-rude-staff-awful-service-and-singing-waiters-coming-to-sheffield-3635546

So, what happens if you genuinely have a grievance or want a special order e.g. no satanic vegan cheese thanks. They write it down but rip you a new one?
When do people realise you are not interacting but genuinely need something/the order is wrong etc

And if your food is late etc is this passed off as part of the authentic experience?

This would make my head explode!

Don't go. Book somewhere you want to go and go with your daughter if he insists on going to the other place.

Don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. It sounds horrible.

I saw an ad for that restaurant and thought no way am I ever setting foot in there, so I don’t blame you. Get him to change the booking asap!

I'm a bit confused, op. Why haven't you told your husband you're absolutely not going? It sounds like you might actually go to this horrible place. If you haven't told him to fuck off about this insulting plan, why not?

I completely agree SoggyPaper, and if it were me the anxiety beforehand would completely ruin any relief if it did turn out to be a hoax on the night (well, it wouldn’t be me because 1. my DH would never pull a stunt like this either in seriousness or as a smokescreen ‘joke’ and 2. if he somehow took leave of his senses and tried it, I’d tell him flat-out no, I’m not going). I was just wondering if there’s a less worrying explanation for the DD’s behaviour than the women of this family both roll over passively to placate the men/boys.

Let them go and you stay home and have a lovely takaway for yourself or your friends and enjoy your day as you want it...

www.walesonline.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink-news/i-went-uks-first-karens-23850669

Footage here. I still cannot get my head round it.

Wow, yes tell him that he can book for his own birthday instead. Your dh and dc can go and your birthday treat could be a takeaway and a bath in an empty house! I'd bloody love that!

YANBU.

Seconding every PP who has said that is his idea of a night out, not yours. You clearly want a good dinner, in surroundings that you enjoy.

tbh, I'm not sure that I'd go even if he'd booked it for himself as part of a personal celebration and wasn't passing it off as a treat for you.

My 19 year old DD is a bit disappointed for me but thinks we should try and make the best of it.

Absolutely DO NOT go to try and make the best of it! It's your birthday and this is not your kind of place. To be honest, I'd hate it and wild horses couldn't drag me there!

Upon thinking about it more. He obviously thought it would be a laugh and especially when you factor in two kids coming maybe it seemed appropriate than a candlelit dinner. I would go and give it a chance as it does sound like he’s thought it through and perhaps is planning for the rest of the day to be really nice. Maybe get a nice bottle of wine for home after?

Who knows it may be a so stupid it’s good kind of thing and you end up laughing about it as a family years later.

Honestly I kind of want to go to this place just to see what it’s actually like.

I'm sorry but your posts read like you are actually going to go just because your "DH" has booked it? I mean, surely you just say "no I'm not going there for my birthday?..."

Is there a wider issue around not feeling able to say no to him?

Sorry, I don't understand why you are upset or anxious at all?

As you are not going to go are you?

I will very unhappily insult you here for free if you are still thinking about going! Your H and your DSS can go ANOTHER time, but it
mustn't be happening on, or near your birthday!

I am sorry, but your DD already seems to be learning that you should do something that you really don't want to do, just to please others. Sorry, but that is such a bad message for her to learn.

I think that I would be starting to have to fight off "the ick", if the person I loved was horrible to me just because I found one of his suggestions abhorrent.

Have you told your H yet that you will not be going? He will probably respect you more in the long run for saying no (unless, of course, he is a narcissist or psychopath, and if he is you need leaving him to be both your Birthday present to yourself, and your celebration). 💐

Agree, on occasion, although egocentric thought and flouncing is the usual stance.

Just tell him if he wants that experience so much, you'll provide it for him at home on his birthday.

What a mean/selfish thing to do! He should have booked a restaurant you would have loved. Someone else’s birthday isn’t an opportunity for him to sample things he’s interested in. He’s supposed to be thinking about you.

Ask him to book somewhere you like - in fact, choose a restaurant and tell him. I was going to say I can’t believe he did this, but a friend’s DH did similar.

Book your own place in Liverpool and he can come if he wants. Don’t be a pushover. You don’t want to go, it’s your bday. Say no.