Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect Christian Missionary friend to pay for his own meals?

79 replies

LoveBlueCheese · 10/05/2022 11:06

He's a lay missionary - so not a priest. doesnt have a job but runs these christian workshops for for a small fee. he's putting up with us and i've been cooking - he's been eating. no word of thanks. seems to expect meals when he's in the house. AIBU to expect he should feed himself!?

OP posts:
Springhassprung86 · 10/05/2022 11:09

Your OP Isn’t clear at all. Have you invited him as your guest? Is he your friend or is he there in a religious/support sense?
If he’s your friend and you’ve invited him as a guest, I wouldn’t expect him to pay for meals in your home, no. A thank you would be nice obviously.
if he’s not there in a professional capacity I’m unsure what the fact that he’s a missionary has to do with anything.

Dixiechickonhols · 10/05/2022 11:10

By putting up with us you mean he’s a guest in your house? If you’ve invited him to stay then usually you’d feed him - I wouldn’t expect a guest to buy & cook their own food. Usually a guest will bring a gift or pay for a meal out etc.
If he’s with you longer then more like a lodger what did you agree?

AhNowTed · 10/05/2022 11:11

That old scam.

He's basically unemployed and using Christianity to fool you into feeding and housing him.

EufyProsser · 10/05/2022 11:14

Can you give him some loaves and fishes and ask him to knock up some batch cooking for the freezer?

RancidOldHag · 10/05/2022 11:18

I don't see what you're houseguest's occupation has to do with it, other than he is presumably very low income.

How did you end up with him? You have to be quite tactful in dealing with guests who have overstayed their welcome. I there an end date to his stay? If not, I think it's time to be setting one

BaaMoon · 10/05/2022 11:21

Is he a guest? Or has he moved in with you?

Notthesportytype · 10/05/2022 11:23

It depends on why he is staying with you, and for how long.

If you have invited him for say, less than a week, then you should be feeding him. But if he's there indefinitely, he should be contributing.

Don't let his Christianity fool you into thinking that you're doing a good deed by feeding him. Everyone has to pay for things so why not him?

Original poster
LoveBlueCheese · 10/05/2022 11:42

He is a guest and no, I don't expect him to pay. Ive been feeding him when he's in the house - usually dinner. It's quite a long stay and I'm wondering if I can bugger off with the dinner provision as work's become hectic. Occupation not important other than providing background - he really does not expect to pay for anything even for tickets or meals out as he doesnt hold a regular job. So i'm wondering whether I should be expected to provide meals in the house too given that we seem to be covering all his other expenses.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 10/05/2022 11:43

Nobody here can really answer that question for you because it completely depends on the arrangement you have with your friend. If you've allowed someone to effectively live in your house, then you should have discussed these things before they moved in and decided whether he was going to be your lodger or your guest.

10HailMarys · 10/05/2022 11:44

he really does not expect to pay for anything even for tickets or meals out

Stop inviting him out, then.

BaaMoon · 10/05/2022 11:46

10HailMarys · 10/05/2022 11:44

he really does not expect to pay for anything even for tickets or meals out

Stop inviting him out, then.

Yes, it's as simple as this. And if you've asked him to stay without really discussing the food. Ie. You're welcome to stay for a month if you do half the evening meals etc. Then YABU. The default is to assume you're a guest. A nice guest might offer to pay towards food or cook, but not necessarily.

TheCatterall · 10/05/2022 11:48

Who arranged him coming to stay with you and what agreement was made?

frankly I’d explain that ‘I’m sure you understand that as I’m busy with work you’ll need to make alternative arrangements for meals’.

I volunteer and do all sorts of unpaid roles but I’d ensure I made an income somewhere to cover my expenses.

if it was really church led then wouldn’t they provide some assistance with funding g for meals?

if its not working out then explain it isn’t working out. He will have to make alternative arrangements for accommodation or meals.

Original poster
LoveBlueCheese · 10/05/2022 11:49

Thanks! that got my head into the right space :) Should have discussed and I will now

OP posts:
a1577 · 10/05/2022 11:49

OP your posts are all very strange

presumably he's been invited to stay with you, by you?

if not, what is he doing at your place and why are you feeding him? is he squatting?

if you've invited a house guest, whether he believes in fairies or not is irrelevant. set down the rules as part of your invitation and if it's too much, tell your house guest the truth - work's become busy and you can no longer afford to pay for X number of adults to eat out or tickets etc.

why on earth haven't you had this chat with him as part of inviting him into your HOME?!

pippinsleftleg · 10/05/2022 11:51

EufyProsser · 10/05/2022 11:14

Can you give him some loaves and fishes and ask him to knock up some batch cooking for the freezer?

😂

Triffid1 · 10/05/2022 11:53

I'm guessing here that you have offered to be helpful and let him stay with you for a relatively long time - perhaps weeks or even a few months - to support his work locally? You did not pre-agree an arrangement as he was invited as a guest, but you assumed that as a guest, he would not want to take advantage and would, for example, help with cooking/cleaning, offer to do chores, perhaps do some free babysitting etc etc.

.... and now you're finding that this is, in fact, not the case?

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon with guests, with men or with christians.

The only answer is to have the conversation.

It's not quite the same but we had something a little similar with a young relative who stayed with us for a few months a couple of years ago as a stopgap. He was a lovely young man but just didn't THINK. So I decided to treat him as I would one of my children of a similar age.... I'd call him down to help me set the table/make dinner, ask him to pop to the shop to pick up bread/milk etc, ask if he could look after my DC for an hour and so on. And to his credit, he never once complained or had any issue. He just didn't have a single proactive bone in his body!

Indicatrice · 10/05/2022 11:55

He is very rude. Don’t feed the twat anymore.

bigbluebus · 10/05/2022 11:57

If you invited him to stay then you should provide meals - although friend sounds like they need to learn some manners.
If friend contacted you and said "I'm doing some workshops in your neighbourhood, is there any chance I can come and stay with you?" then they should be providing the majority of their own food - although as a friend I think they should be invited to eat with you on some occasions.
As for eating out - don't invite them if they're not paying their way - assuming they're not your student son/daughter!

AdaColeman · 10/05/2022 12:08

Give him his meal tonight, then tell him that was his Last Supper.

orbitalcrisis · 10/05/2022 13:12

If I invited somebody to stay for a short time I would supply food. If they did not thank me at each meal and did not at least offer to cook and pay for a meal for me in return, I would ask them to leave. If I was allowing them to stay for a long time, I would not be supplying food regularly, just on occasion. Again, if they didn't thank me, I would ask them to leave.

What a moocher! I'd check the silverware if I were you!

FatCatSkinnyRat · 10/05/2022 13:18

Are you the innkeeper?

Pashazade · 10/05/2022 13:27

I'd have had a problem after a second meal without a thank you....that's just f*ing rude! Does he think you're some kind of charity too.....

emuloc · 10/05/2022 13:33

What has his religion got to do with any of this? If you are not happy with things, speak up.

Ethelfromnumber73 · 10/05/2022 13:39

AdaColeman · 10/05/2022 12:08

Give him his meal tonight, then tell him that was his Last Supper.

Grin
ActonBell · 10/05/2022 13:40

I know this is almost beside the point but in what sense is he a missionary and what do you mean ‘workshops for a fee’? I ask because I am Christian and this sounds quite like a scam but it could also be he has been duped into some role that is not all it seems.
How did he come to be living with you?