to expect Christian Missionary friend to pay for his own meals?

[LoveBlueCheese]

He's a lay missionary - so not a priest. doesnt have a job but runs these christian workshops for for a small fee. he's putting up with us and i've been cooking - he's been eating. no word of thanks. seems to expect meals when he's in the house. AIBU to expect he should feed himself!?

You're caesar in this situation. And Christians are supposed to render unto caesar what is his/hers. It's amazing just how many acts of 'Christian duty of service' involve doing stuff for free for other's pecuniary advantage. And it only seems to happen one way round.

The reason I asked the questions above is because this doesn’t sound right. No above board missionary organisation would expect this as a formal arrangement. If you invite someone informally as a guest that may be different but modern missionary organisations should have structures, training and safeguarding in place for everyone who volunteers for them and that includes very clear expectations around accepting hospitality.

I’m worried for you and this guy. Organisations that don’t have these things in place can be contexts for things like spiritual abuse because there’s no proper oversight.

A very early Christian text, the Didache , tells Christians to support itinerant preachers with board and lodging for three days. After that, they have to start working. St Paul makes the point that he worked ( his profession was a tent maker) wherever he stayed for more than a few days when he was on his apostolic journeys.

charity and hospitality , yes. Exploitation, no.

CF

He is a piss taking freeloader with a Jesus complex/cult leader.

Get rid of him. He sounds vile.

I'm wondering if I can bugger off with the dinner provision as work's become hectic.

What would you normally do in this situation if it was just your normal household, no guests? I think it's absolutely fine not to provide a cooked dinner every night, but asking him to contribute his share of food costs is a different thing from leaving him to fend for himself (or cook for everybody, but I bet he won't) from what's in the house.

Are there others who live locally and attend or have attended his workshops? Would some of them perhaps invite him for dinner if they knew he was at loose ends? It seems like hospitality from the community should mean the community, not just one person or family.

I’m just shuddering at the thought of a christian missionary. I cant imagine anything worse than a religious zealot staying in my house, especially a tight arsed one.

I'd cut back a bit on the food and start asking him to do some jobs around the house for you. Gardening, whatever. Count down the days until he leaves and learn from it for the next time you're asked to put someone up.

Why are you hesitating from having the conversation that starts with 'sorry, this isn't working for me' and explain what needs to happen.

Where is the weight of expectation coming from that makes you carry this heavy burden?

My advice is to work out what is making you martyr yourself like this ... and just stop.

Put down the burden however works for you. Ask him to leave, ask him to make meals for both of you next week, ask him to get fed elsewhere.

Whatever works for you. Of course, it is not reasonable for a house guest to not make themselves agreeable and useful. In an ideal world you would not have to ask for this but the world is not ideal.

Please speak up for yourself. You will feel so much better for having taking control in this part of your life. If anyone outside yourself objects, that's really nothing to do with you.

The more you stand up for yourself, the easier life shall be for you. You don't need to be aggressive about it, just start from the position that he wants to be reasonable and tell him what you need to have happen. You really have all the power here.

All the best.

He’s a freeloader but why on earth did you invite him to stay without discussing any of this?!

when is he leaving?

PILs are catnip to freeloading Christians and the sense of entitlement never ceases to amaze me

Ive got enough stories to write a book but the thing that blows my mind the most is how my smart, intelligent PILs put up with it when they wouldn’t tolerate that sort of behaviour from anyone else

The veneer of Christianity gives them extraordinary rose tinted glasses

Ah he's one of THOSE

why would be attempt to provide himself with anything when it's God who provides for him (ie via you and countless others)

My sister is exactly the same, it is a genuine mentality. I accept that's how she is mind you.

Why is he even there. Ask him to leave. You’re being taken advantage of.

Why is he in your house? How did you meet him? Who arranged for him to stay? Didn't they talk about meals and so on, and how much money he was likely to have?

Our church does this sometimes, but only expects people to host for a couple of days, and provides money.

It sounds very awkward. I'm not sure Jesus would approve of him...

He a bum. Canny little racket he's got going on there and you fell for it. Send him on his way. No room at the inn.

And it seems to me this is all going one way. What are you gaining from him being there? He's silent, so not even a good conversationalist or fun!

Basically, his entire lifestyle means him being funded by other people. I'd hate that. Where does he usually live?

@Mystery2345 · 10/05/2022 18:13
Ah he's one of THOSE

why would be attempt to provide himself with anything when it's God who provides for him (ie via you and countless others)

exactly this ^
I’ve met them before.

Cocklodger god-botherer.

😁

Does he also insist on prayers before meals? We got stuck with some of those on holiday, and it was very uncomfortable.

I guess you'll have to stick it out and consider it your Christian duty. Lesson learned. I'd be backing out of that friendship pretty fast afterwards.

Short term, can you just go out for a meal or have a takeaway at a friend's house one evening?

Thanks all, we asked him to leave and provided alternative accommodation to cover the last 2 nights of his trip. I had an honest chat with him after I snapped when he began to do con calls with his workshop participants who are based overseas. The room is ordinarily my husband's office space and he gave up WFH flexibility to accommodate friend. There was a clear misalignment of expectations but lesson learnt with outlining these things before!

He was also a CF. We went for coffee while having this "chat" and I had dog with me. He asked for my card and I thought it was because he would help me order my coffee while I sat outside with dog. CF used my card for his coffee too!

Ordinarily I dont have any issues buying coffee for anyone but this freeloading was really piss taking. He just asked for it like he was entitled to it.

That's awful. What a rubbish way to behave, and what an awful impression he gives. And as a pp says, it's been going on since biblical times!

He'll move on soon anyway. Rasputin used to do things like this until he ended up managing to scrounge off the Romanovs.

Ooops, just realized you've already asked him to leave.
Good. He was taking the piss.