Black tie wedding

[imperialminty]

Is a black tie wedding dress code unreasonable?

Just that, really! My DH will have to buy or rent a whole new suit for his sister’s wedding. They’re paying for a lot for it (all accommodation for the weekend, completely open bar and all food all weekend) and it’s not abroad so not a lot of other costs that you usually get with weddings, but the dress code feels a bit U to me.

Message from MNHQ - please read the OP's updates before you reply...

Thoughts?

It's not the worst dress code, not much difference between a wedding guest dress and a cocktail dress you'd were to a black tie do.

Means men are paying out for outfit instead of it just being the women.

Can he borrow a suit?
What would he wear if it wasn't black tie?

The B&G sound like they are being incredibly generous so I think I'd suck up the cost in this instance.

No, it’s fine. No one is obliged to go.

Sounds a small price for a very generous event, and fun to dress up!

It does seem a bit unnecessary. In some circles men would typically own dinner suits already, but unreasonable when that's not the case. Less of an issue for women I think as it isn't as specific.

Just read the bit about the accommodation for the weekend. Given that isn't something you would normally expect to be paid for you, it evens out and it isn't unreasonable really.

Wouldn't bother me and the B&G are being pretty generous with the accommodation, food and drink ALL weekend.

How much would you usually expect to pay for accommodation/ drinks etc at a wedding? How does that compare with the cost of hiring a dinner suit? There’s your answer.

and look at Vinted and /or Oxfam websites for cheap evening wear for you both

Cost of hiring black tie suit versus accom you’d have to pay for? I think you’re winning

If they're paying for accommodation, food and an open bar for an entire weekend, then I don't think black tie is a big ask. You can hire a dinner suit from Moss Bros for about £70 or if you want to buy a suit he'll wear again, you wouldn't necessarily have to get an actual dinner suit. He could get a black suit and a skinny black silk tie. Or he could borrow one, buy one second-hand etc. There are lots of options.

Matalan & Tesco both used to do cheap dinner suits.

Black tie is a perfectly normal dress code and entirely reasonable for a wedding.

Men who cannot afford a dinner suit can wear a dark business suit instead

I love a black tie wedding, it takes all the guesswork out of how smart the dress code is and I can wear a cocktail dress again. There isn't really another occasion where wedding guest dresses can be worn except another wedding.

I don't think it is unreasonable. A cocktail dress is no more expensive than a smart dress. It might be more expensive than usual for men but they get an easy ride when it comes to buying clothes for formal occasions - one suit for everything. You can buy a dinner jacket and trousers in Primark or Asda for less than hiring a suit (and less than a smart dress) thanks to black tie school proms becoming a big thing in the UK.

I think in this case it is especially reasonable given that the B&G are paying for everything.

You’re coming across as a tightwad. The wedding sounds brill and the couple are paying for everything.

Bloody hell OP, they’re paying for everything and you’re begrudging an approximate £80 for a tux hire (just Googled Moss Bros).

YADBU.

Absolutely fine considering what the couple are paying for, all weekend.

Yabu

You're being unreasonable to ask. They are paying so much more than people usually do. Hire the suit, maybe hire a lovely long dress and enjoy.

Seems fair enough an ask given all they are paying for.

I think a weekend away, with a wedding, for £80 cost of a hired suit is pretty good. Even if you add in the cost of an outfit for you, it’s still not what most people fork out for a wedding.

If you don’t want to hire or buy, borrow, or look in a charity shop.

YABU

I think it’s fine personally.

A tux doesn’t have to cost any more than an average woman’s outfit. You can pick up a tux in M&S for about £100 or Boohoo for £70 which wouldn’t really be considered an extravagant spend for a woman’s wedding guest outfit (except by the MN chicken brigade)

Thanks so much for your input guys - this is actually a reverse as I wanted to double check I wasn’t being a massive bridezilla by requesting black tie before we sent out invites!

Some of our guests will have this already but some of my fiancés family will definitely have to buy. I didn’t want to be too swept up in the wedding to realise it was an unreasonable ask. Sorry - I know reverses are so annoying but I didn’t want people to not tell me the truth

🙄🙄🙄

of course she’s not being unreasonable. I can’t think of a wedding I’ve been to that hasn’t been either black tie. Mostly the men in my family wear morning coats actually. But I guess it’s what you’re used to - most of my male friends and family have their own formal suit as a matter of course ….