Black tie wedding

[imperialminty]

Is a black tie wedding dress code unreasonable?

Just that, really! My DH will have to buy or rent a whole new suit for his sister’s wedding. They’re paying for a lot for it (all accommodation for the weekend, completely open bar and all food all weekend) and it’s not abroad so not a lot of other costs that you usually get with weddings, but the dress code feels a bit U to me.

Message from MNHQ - please read the OP's updates before you reply...

Thoughts?

It really cant
Unless you are American.

Black tie doesn't have to be expensive - hiring can be pricier than buying.

Cheap - For rugby club dinners:
www.dobell.co.uk/

At the other end of the scale (the 4 weddings and funeral style)
favourbrook.com/

No connection to either except that I used to spend far too much with the latter in my younger and trimmer days.

We had a black tie wedding 25 years ago in the UK. However, most of our friends are amateur musicians and black tie is part of "the kit" one has. DH has at least 2 dinner suits, 3 or 4 dress shirts, several bow ties that he ties himself (not the ready tied ones) and a random assortment of cufflinks. Most people were happy to wear it and the photos look great. My uncle wore a grey lounge suit instead but he still looked smart.

So OP, it would be no problem at all to us/musicians.

I know this is a reverse and yabu to insist on such a restrictive dress code.
I do know of a wedding very soon with the same dress code and the guest in question is shelling a fortune on a rented dinner suit for just the evening do. Ridiculous!
Get a bloody grip op, you're not a Kardashian and people don't have millions to spaff on an outfit for the sake of two hours.

I’ve read the updates and my thoughts are it’s still possibly annoying for guests.

I’d personally prefer a wedding where I could wear standard wedding attire and have a normal amount of food/drinks provided and decide where I stay. I’d prefer to pay for that than black tie attire tbh.

Weddings are generally long and sometimes uncomfortable for guests, I’d prefer to at least be wearing my own choice of (wedding friendly) clothes! DP would hate to have to wear black tie all day tbh, as several other map member of my family would.

No you don’t. You get sent the save the date which requires zero response to the B&G then the formal invitation comes later.

If you’re* *too tight unable to attend based on the supplementary info about needing to be in black tie then just decline. It’s not a big deal to anyone.

Also my DP, to be frank, doesn’t want to wear a shit suit. He’s got a few nice standard suits, but shelling out £300+ for a mediocre black tie suit would piss us off.

I've never been to a wedding requesting that the men all wear kilts, the bridal party yes, ie Groom, best man, ushers, the dads, other men may choose to wear a kilt but never dictated and often their own tartan.

That's entirely dependent on the circumstances. Nobody cares if it's a second cousin or someone thegroom used to work with, but it'll be a rather bigger deal with close family. Which it sounds like this wedding is going to primarily comprise.

Right, so if it’s a sibling then it isn’t a big deal to use the £100 you might spend on a hotel room to go towards hiring black tie. If it’s a more distant relative and you don’t want to go because of the black tie issue then just lie and tell them you’ll be on holiday.
If it’s a close relative and you can’t afford anything at all then surely you’d just have a grown up conversation with them about it.
Either way, no big deal.

Black tie is a bit tacky, a bit try hard. But if it makes you happy then go for it.
I don't think adults should tell other adults what to wear, even for a wedding, unless there is a danger that some people will turn up in a vest and flip flops. People generally know what to wear to a wedding, you don't need to dictate.

I get that this is a reverse but I have been invited to a wedding weekend as a bridesmaid and it’s a huge PIA to be honest. I don’t care who is paying. The bride and groom know everyone but the guests don’t, it’s really shit for a guest to essentially be on holiday with people they don’t know and possibly don’t like. People
talk about a wedding being an invitation not a summons but no one told me when I was asked to be a bridesmaid (for 1 day) that I’d have to take 4 days off work (3 for the Saturday wedding and 1 for the hen do and yep, all in the UK). Please don’t expect people to attend for the whole weekend!

As for attire I don’t think black tie is appropriate for a wedding but only because I don’t agree with the law change regarding evening weddings. But I don’t have anything against black tie in principle and morning dress in the evening would be inappropriate.

I appreciate the above sounds snappy, I’m tried and struggling to articulate so I hope it makes sense. Have a lovely day!

I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s thoughts, thank you! I thought the kilt chat was very interesting.

We’ve now spoken to all our 15 (teeny tiny wedding!) guests and they’re all very happy with the weekends various dress codes, including the black tie for the evening. I do really appreciate the thoughts.

LOVE the person who told me we’re not Kardashians! I shall pretend I’m Kim when all our guests are changing before the cocktail hour now. If we can’t have fun dressing up at our wedding when can we!

@PurBal gosh - why are you having take 3 days off work for a Saturday wedding?! I’m sorry you’re having a miserable time, I’ve been a bridesmaid in similarly mounting circs.

Thankfully we’re immediate family only and my best friend so everyone is very happy to attend the weekend (and we’re not asking people to take any annual leave for the wedding or any other wedding events.)

I definitely thing with just 15 guests it will make it feel special.

I hope you have a great day

Does he have a dark suit? Team it with a black shirt or wear a white shirt and a bow tie. If he has dark trousers hire a black velvet jacket.

I’d personally prefer a wedding where I could wear standard wedding attire

Black tie (or morning suit as an alternative) are standard attire. There's barely ant difference between a suit & tie and black tie - it's still a suit & tie. THe bow tie is just a bow, and considerably easier to tie than an ordinary tie.

YANBU to expect people to wear black tie, given that people are getting a weekend's worth of food, drink and accommodation.

YABU if you're going to expect people to wear evening dress for a daytime event, though. That's just wrong. It's like the sort of thing that (shudder) Americans do.

There are too many assumptions in this post. Ultimately, the idea that people are always going to be in a position to 'just decline' isn't realistic.

"it isn’t a big deal to use the £100 you might spend on a hotel room"

Speak for yourself. I would never spend 100 on a hotel room.