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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Black tie wedding

95 replies

imperialminty · 10/05/2022 10:29

Is a black tie wedding dress code unreasonable?

Just that, really! My DH will have to buy or rent a whole new suit for his sister’s wedding. They’re paying for a lot for it (all accommodation for the weekend, completely open bar and all food all weekend) and it’s not abroad so not a lot of other costs that you usually get with weddings, but the dress code feels a bit U to me.

Message from MNHQ - please read the OP's updates before you reply...

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
imperialminty · 10/05/2022 15:40

@Runningslow thats interesting! Can I ask how many guests you had please? We’re having a really micro wedding so I think it may be different.

OP posts:
Runningslow · 10/05/2022 15:51

We had about 80. It worked really well. I think a few elderly relatives may have hired kilts/jackets, but they seemed to get quite a buzz out of getting dressed up. Other than that I think everyone wore what they already had.

ShirleyPhallus · 10/05/2022 15:51

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2022 14:11

How is having to rent something easier than wearing a suit that most men probably already have.
I think it's quite selfish to require people to buy or hire something new for a wedding. They should be able to come in the best clothes they already own.

Show quote history

Don’t go if the event doesn’t suit you then. Paying for accommodation and all food and drink is very generous.

Runningslow · 10/05/2022 15:52

Black tie for men is still probably a lot easier than it is for women to find something suitable.

limitedperiodonly · 10/05/2022 16:02

I hate the word tuxedo.

CharSiu · 10/05/2022 16:22

I have been to three weddings in America and all the men wore Dinner suits and one over here. It was a relative of DH and I can honesty say I know some of the guests just did not like being dictated to. DH already had a DJ so didn’t care, it was a child free wedding, DS was most put out.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2022 16:57

Runningslow · 10/05/2022 15:52

Black tie for men is still probably a lot easier than it is for women to find something suitable.

Is it? Isn't it just a cocktail dress for women usually. I would have thought you can wear something you already have?

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2022 17:00

"Don’t go if the event doesn’t suit you then. Paying for accommodation and all food and drink is very generous."

Sounds like OP does want people to go though, probably especially family.
It also depends when the information was given. Quite often you agree to go to a wedding even before getting the official invitation.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 10/05/2022 17:30

Black tie at a wedding is a very, very normal expectation.

Allowing men and women to turn up wearing what they'd put on for a smart day at work (normal everyday suits and dresses) isn't unheard of but is at the more casual end if the scale and not what you'd plan to wear for an event where b&g were paying bar AND hotel.

Surely you'd do anything you could to show respect for them and the tone of the occasion in return? Very strange that this request seems remarkable to you, OP.

AppleandRhubarbTart · 10/05/2022 17:44

If it's a micro wedding and you know everyone will be fine with it, might be ok. For anything bigger, I'd say you're inevitably going to irritate some of your guests. It's the faff more than the money really. I'm a woman so wouldn't be in black tie, but honestly I'd rather pay for my own drinks and accommodation than have to book suit hire, travel to somewhere to pick it up, worry about damaging it at the wedding when I'd hopefully be letting my hair down then take it back. Just more shit to arrange.

DogsAndGin · 10/05/2022 17:51

YABU

oioimatey · 10/05/2022 18:08

I would love to be invited to a black tie wedding!

CorpseReviver · 10/05/2022 20:01

I've read your updates and seen that this was, pointlessly, a reverse. I don't see why you need to dictate what your guests wear (as well as effectively forcing them to stay in the accommodation). Do you generally have control issues? Why do you think you should get to decide what everyone else should wear?

BaaMoon · 10/05/2022 20:06

Message from MNHQ - please read the OP's updates before you reply...

Thoughts?

Bloody reverses

Poshjock · 10/05/2022 20:18

Its just struck me that people might find the idea of suit rental unusual or demanding. It's very normal in Scotland - Black tie equivalent is kilt and Prince Charlie jacket. Very common to request kilts and also to require a specific tartan (and/or colour of Argyle jacket) which almost invariably requires a rental.

CorpseReviver · 10/05/2022 20:29

Poshjock · 10/05/2022 20:18

Its just struck me that people might find the idea of suit rental unusual or demanding. It's very normal in Scotland - Black tie equivalent is kilt and Prince Charlie jacket. Very common to request kilts and also to require a specific tartan (and/or colour of Argyle jacket) which almost invariably requires a rental.

Why are people in Scotland so focused on what other people wear to an event?

shrodingersvaccine · 10/05/2022 20:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

RewildingAmbridge · 10/05/2022 21:10

Why are people saying you can wear a cocktail dress, it's black tie, not a cocktail party

SomePeopleAreJustIdiots · 10/05/2022 21:12

Runningslow · 10/05/2022 15:52

Black tie for men is still probably a lot easier than it is for women to find something suitable.

Black tie means Full length evening gowns which is a total PITA
I hate black tie for this reason

SomePeopleAreJustIdiots · 10/05/2022 21:14

Oh and no hats- I love a hat

Dinoteeth · 10/05/2022 21:22

SomePeopleAreJustIdiots · 10/05/2022 21:12

Black tie means Full length evening gowns which is a total PITA
I hate black tie for this reason

Show quote history

White tie - even more formal than Black tie means full length evening gown.

Black tie can be a long dress or cocktail dress.

NancyJoan · 10/05/2022 21:24

RewildingAmbridge · 10/05/2022 21:10

Why are people saying you can wear a cocktail dress, it's black tie, not a cocktail party

Black tie doesn’t mean full length frock. Can be knee length, or trousers, or a jumpsuit.

NancyJoan · 10/05/2022 21:24

SomePeopleAreJustIdiots · 10/05/2022 21:12

Black tie means Full length evening gowns which is a total PITA
I hate black tie for this reason

Show quote history

Or knee length, or trousers.

SomePeopleAreJustIdiots · 10/05/2022 21:26

Dinoteeth · 10/05/2022 21:22

White tie - even more formal than Black tie means full length evening gown.

Black tie can be a long dress or cocktail dress.

Show quote history

But most cocktail dresses are not suitable for a wedding? So everyone would surely interpret black tie as evening gowns?

SomePeopleAreJustIdiots · 10/05/2022 21:27

NancyJoan · 10/05/2022 21:24

Or knee length, or trousers.

Show quote history

Trousers? Cant see how trousers would be black tie except for men

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