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Original poster

Borrowed money

106 replies

familydrama3 · 09/05/2022 20:30

I should start by saying that I know I am in the wrong but I want to know if this situation is also unreasonable.

Due to unforeseen circumstances in my husbands job we had to borrow some money from my FIL last year. We were in a situation where we couldn't even afford to put food on the table for us and the kids let alone pay the bills. The money was lent on the condition that it would be paid back at £50 a month until it had been paid off, or if we could afford to pay more then we would.

Fast forward 12 months and my hubby has now found a much better job with better pay. Between us we can pay the bills and food ect. We have also spent the last 12 months minimising any outgoings, this has included swapping bills to better rates, getting rid of two cars that we had on pcp and other measures. We are not well off at all but can afford the essentials.

As soon as DH got his new job my FIL started asking for us to increase the amount we would pay back each month, now this sounds reasonable but they were requesting £1000 a month instead of the £50. This is completely un doable and would have meant us not being able to pay any our bills. We wrote a nice but strong message to him explaining that this is completely impossible and stated what we could pay (more than the £50) and when it would be paid off.

FIL is now refusing to speak to us at all and has been talking about us to other family members. Not that this should matter but FIL is extremely wealthy and is not in desperate need of this money. The only reason I mention this is because we 1000% want to pay off this money as soon as possible but we will not be able to pay our mortgage if we do it in the way that is being requested. I feel that because it is not urgently needed by them it is unreasonable to try and put us in this position.

Like I said at the beginning we fully agree that we are in the wrong for borrowing the money but we also fully expect to pay it all back in full it will just take us slightly longer. Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 09/05/2022 22:20

How much did you offer to pay?

Minimalme · 09/05/2022 22:21

He should have just given you the money because he is wealthy.

However, as he values his money above his family, I think him not talking to you is no loss.

Frankly I don't understand people who can't bring themselves to part with cash to help their own family.

My Mum is a selfish miser (think modern day Scrooge, pre epiphany) - lots of cash but not nearly as much family and love.

Viviennemary · 09/05/2022 22:21

I agree with the suggestion you should get a bank loan and pay off this debt. I think £50 a month on a £5 k debt is ludicrous and should never have been agreed in the first place.

RedHelenB · 09/05/2022 22:30

Surely you can double the amount at least and pay 100 a month?

LetHimHaveIt · 09/05/2022 22:36

Yes; I daresay a bank loan crossed their minds then and might be an idea now (although they're not always that easy to secure) - but the principal benefit of the in-law loan, surely, was the absence of interest and the low monthly payments. Whether that was absurd neither here nor there - it was what was agreed. £1000 per month is absurd, if you want to get right down to it.

I think much depends on what you're offering, OP. £150-200 per month would see the loan paid off in 2-3 years, which is reasonable. Anything less I think is probably a piss-take, and you'll either have to find another source of income, or tighten your belts still further.

I wouldn't, not least for my kids' sake, fall out with a wealthy granddad. But then I'm a mercenary cow.

ZekeZeke · 09/05/2022 22:37

Until that debt is paid your FIL will resent every time you spend money, be that a holiday, home improvements, have a night out, get new clothes, change car ...whatever.
I would focus on paying every penny back ASAP.
And learn a valuable lesson from it.
£50pm on £5k was a stupid repayment plan.

LetHimHaveIt · 09/05/2022 22:39

RedHelenB · 09/05/2022 22:30

Surely you can double the amount at least and pay 100 a month?

She may well have already done that. She said their offer in writing was 'more than fifty'.

MarvellousMay · 09/05/2022 22:42

Do you realise that at £50 a month its going to take longer then 8 years to repay?

He’s probably seen your circumstances improve over time and his repayments stay the same.

You agreed to up the payment when that happened and haven’t.

Although I agree £1,000 a month is unrealistic you should be offering more.

user1471457751 · 09/05/2022 22:49

Surely it depends on your husband's new salary as to whether the 1k payment is ridiculous. It also depends on the uplift between old and new salary and whether you've been paying back an increased amount since your husband's first pay packet. If its taken a while for you both to increase the repayment then I can understand why your FIL is annoyed.

Iced · 09/05/2022 22:51

Very unrealistic, but I think you should at least double what you are paying now.

Pickabearanybear · 09/05/2022 22:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Yummymummy2020 · 09/05/2022 23:10

He sounds awful and I wouldn’t want to owe him money a moment more than I had to. It took the good out of giving the loan to be making crazy demands for repayments and discussing it with others on top of that!

FrangipaniBlue · 09/05/2022 23:26

I really wish people would read the original post PROPERLY before replying.

To quote the OP:

We wrote a nice but strong message to him explaining that this is completely impossible and stated what we could pay (more than the £50) and when it would be paid off.

goingback · 09/05/2022 23:29

personally if i was in your FILs financial situation and my family couldn't put food on the table, i certainly wouldn't be offering a loan , the help would be there automatically. The only way i wouldn't is if this is a continuous cycle and then i would be ensuring that practical help was given too. Would never ever allow my kids and grandkids to go hungry.
i would stick to the original £50 as agreed for the next few months until you are properly on your feet then think of upping the amount .

ZekeZeke · 09/05/2022 23:30

FrangipaniBlue · 09/05/2022 23:26

I really wish people would read the original post PROPERLY before replying.

To quote the OP:

We wrote a nice but strong message to him explaining that this is completely impossible and stated what we could pay (more than the £50) and when it would be paid off.

More than £50 could be £55 for all we know.
The OP didn't say how much they suggested or the timeliness. Responses are based on facts in the OP post.

Original poster
familydrama3 · 10/05/2022 05:44

Thanks for the replies. Just to confirm as per my op we have already started to pay back more than £50 a month. We are now paying £200 a month which is the maximum we can currently afford

OP posts:
Vikinga · 10/05/2022 06:00

If my kids was struggling to put food on the table and I could afford it, I'd give him the money. If I was wealthy then all the more so!

justfiveminutes · 10/05/2022 06:08

Is there a reason he thinks you could afford £1000 pm? I was wondering whether you'd booked a holiday or something else that has irritated you.

Did he ask for £1000pm or say he wanted it all repaid by September? I suppose it amounts to the same thing but suggests he might be thinking that you could get a loan from elsewhere instead.

I think it's a bit odd that your reply was a 'nice but strong' message. I think I'd have picked up the phone or visited in person for that conversation.

Regardless, just keep paying as much as you can, that's all you can do really.

Sexnotgender · 10/05/2022 06:09

£200 a month is totally reasonable. What is his reasoning for demanding £1k? Does he have a cash flow issue?

Original poster
familydrama3 · 10/05/2022 06:20

No cash flow issue for him, he is very wealthy and wouldn't miss the money.
He is demanding it back now because he thinks that now that we are in a better position we can afford that amount. This is most definitely not the case. He sees it that because we now have that extra money each month it should all go to him, whereas we see it that the extra money is needed to cover bills etc and what is left over can be paid to him.

The reason we sent a strong message was because he can be very hard to talk to about it over the phone and would just end up shouting so we decided it was better to put in writing.

OP posts:
lamanzanas · 10/05/2022 06:30

What is a broad gist of the strong / firm message you sent to him?

ZekeZeke · 10/05/2022 06:30

£200pm sounds reasonable. Well done getting out of that dark hole.
If he is difficult to communicate with a letter was the best way.
And tell other family members to mind their own business, he loaned you £5,000, agreed a payment plan and you are actually paying more each month.

If its out of character for him I'd wonder if he had some type of dementia? Or did you recently splash some cash and he is oissed off that you owe him money but did something he would consider extravagant?

Original poster
familydrama3 · 10/05/2022 06:40

Nothing extravagant has been spent, a takeaway or a day out with the kids is the most we can afford to do at the moment as a treat so I don't see that being the issue. The gist of the message my dh sent was basically that we understand we borrowed money and will always be massively grateful, but that we have to put bills as a priority and that we can afford to pay a set amount each month and no higher

OP posts:
lamanzanas · 10/05/2022 06:47

Unless here is more to the story that you're holding back, FIL is massively unreasonable.

Dragonsmother · 10/05/2022 07:02

Sorry you have found yourself in this position.
is there anyway you could take the loan? Or if there anything you can sell?

I too borrowed money from my DF who owns multiple properties and retired at 50. I ended up selling some jewellery, old clothes, shoes, handbags and furniture (yes that’s how sad it all was) to pay them back.

It’s surprising how much things you don’t need or want are worth. I took a few weeks off work sick with the stress.

I will never regret borrowing the money or indeed selling what I did. I have never again borrowed any money from family or friends.