To not want a career?

[Holl90]

Anybody else feel the same? I’m happy as I am in my job and don’t really want to progress or want a career? I feel like I should want it though?

@Loopytiles no I don’t have the mental capacity to take it on just now. I actually enjoy putting most of my energy into the kids right now…it is where my priorities lie for the minute. Things will probably change as they get older yes as I will probably need something else to focus on as the kids get less dependant on me.

I think it would be completely unfair on my boss to try and climb the ladder to not really be interested.

@Booboobibles sure, depends on your situation.
Most of my peers..
Trying to buy in the NW, kids, no family help. House prices are skyrocketing (20K increase in a few months). BoE has increased interest rates again. Inflation is the highest it's been in 30 years, predicted to reach 10% by year-end. Quite a few people will probably lose their jobs at this rate.

A 'career' isn't just promotion, but all the auxiliary planning that goes into ensuring employability. So if you lose your job, or your DH loses his... scale accordingly.

Nurses, teachers, doctors etc have 'careers' IMO. You don't have to be a head nurse to make a reasonable extra on the side. Sometimes 'climbing the ladder' makes little sense. Like in my job. I'm a software engineer, and will probably lose the ability to make more with my technical skills on the side if I took a management position.

Wildly different from a generic office job, like admin.

I don't know what OP's job is, so I can't comment on whether her remaining there is stagnating. But it's up to people to plan as they fit. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. This is just my perspective on why 'career' is pushed.
Especially to women, for whom financial independence is really important.

My income is around £24k including all benefits and child maintenance. You do not get free school meals if you work more than 16 hours a week, I pay for all school meals.

And it would be a lot less if I didn't receive maintenance. My take home wages are £1050pm, tax credits are £480pm which is around £18k. So I'd have to manage on that if my ex husband decided not to pay maintenance.

After working in a corporate graduate job for a decade and then moving into the construction sector, I think trade jobs are in many ways better if you don't want the office politics and stress of climbing the ladder and 'proving yourself'.

Easy enough to earn £40-50k doing your own job without having to manage others like you would in most office jobs at this pay grade (would usually be middle management). And if you do want to scale it up you can always start a Ltd business and start off with small contracts and just have a couple of people working for you.

Sub £30k only works if someone else is paying for you. Otherwise it means poverty. Some people have no choice about being able to work, (carers etc) but if you are well enough and have a choice, maintain and maximise independence. If you’re bored, change direction.

At your current personal and household incomes certain risks are high, eg worsening standard of living, little in pension, having to apply for benefits, housing issues.

In your situation I’d seek to earn more AND continue to parent well. People have different attitudes to different risks.

Your employer doesn’t need to know what proportion of your energy/mental capacity goes into your work. As long as you perform OK.

This is why people say MN is a different world. Sub 30k is not "poverty" and god 60k is pretty damn good! Which is what OP and her partner are on, at a minimum. There's nothing wrong with career/money being a priority but equally there's nothing wrong with it not being. I am immeasurably happier since I took a step back. No amount of money would tempt me back into the fray. I'm currently lounging in the garden enjoying the sun where the "old me" would have been stressing about Monday morning, running round trying to get everything done before another stressful week. No thanks. Fine if you can £££ for a low stress job but most of us can't.

Sun £30k is not poverty at all in my experience. Like I said our household income is considerably high compared to most of my friends. If you are from London it’s very hard to understand that..which is where you are from I presume. Housing prices are pretty much double…wages are double too.

MN is a totally different world sometimes 🙄

Millions of families in this country live on an income of less than 30k and they're far from living in poverty, ffs.

@Loopytiles I don’t know if anyone will agree with me and this but you literally cannot possibly spin every single plate and do it well?

what risks am I taking exactly? I pay into my pension and am well aware the cost of living is increasing?

What will I gain from pouring myself into work now as opposed to when the kids are older? I will be mentally exhausted and my kids won’t have a happy mum? We manage just fine in the money we are on? Why rock the boat?

Peoe in the NW should manage EASILY on 40k between them in my opinion.

Nurses, teachers are not paid 30k where I live? Are they all living in poverty? I don’t think so

£30k gross now is pretty much what £24k gross was a year or two ago in terms of living costs.

£60k is irrelevant as I’m talking about OP’s ability to support herself is she should need to.

Have you seen how much rent is now? If she ever has to leave her OH, her potential costs then are the barometer to go by.

You think you

I’ve outlined some of the risks with earning less than you potentially could: housing security, quality of life reducing, having to seek benefits from the state. Less earning ability and money in situations like divorce or one person’s ill health. Pension not covering costs of living.

Earning a good salary - in addition to caring well for DC - is an important part of motherhood for me. Far fewer fathers than mothers are willing to sacrifice earnings.

It’s sometimes the case but not a certainty that higher paid jobs are harder, or longer hours.

Plate spinning is hard: much harder when fathers don’t do their fair share of parenting and domestic work.

Only on MN people earning under 30k are poor.

60k is a good salary for a family.

I don't want a career either.

@Holl90

thing is though if both of you felt like that I.e don’t want to miss out on time with the kids, won’t get this time back etc and adjusted his work accordingly would you be ok money wise? Have enough to pay all the bills whilst still having some treats/luxuries (which lets face it life is a bit miserable without)

I find that these people who aren’t career focused not bothered about earning more if it means more stress etc usually have a higher earning partner in the background picking up the financial slack to enable them

Families don’t earn salaries. Individuals earn salaries.

That's why I'll never be a high earner because I'm thick.

As long as you can manage financially why not?

£30k gross now is pretty much what £24k gross was a year or two ago in terms of living costs.

That may be true, but that still doesn't mean people who earn 30k are in poverty, lol. 24k a couple of years ago wasn't poverty either 🙄

@Holl90 the NW is a large place and covers everything from expensive areas like parts of Greater Manchester/Cheshire to Lincoln, and County Durham.
Again, already owning a property is another factor seeing the rather dramatic transformation and price increase that has occurred in the past few years... in certain places.

Nevertheless your AIBU is not 'is 60K enough to survive' but 'AIBU to not want a career'?

The only person who can answer that is you. Taking into account your personal variables. You say you're exhausted is that really because of work or because your H has unilaterally made the decision to work more, leaving you with all the home stuff?

Also... 'career' doesn't necessarily equal giving up home life. You can work part-time and earn the same salary as a FT-er on a lower grade. Senior people can also have more control over their hours. Again, in my field certain skills are much in demand ... and can dictate their terms.
Of course this comes after a slog. Again, we don't know WHAT job you do, so we don't know what your pattern would be. Maybe you haven't done all the slogging required yet, and are asking whether it's worth doing so now?

@LuckySantangelo35 like I said..we would manage if he got paid the same amount as me. There’s no pressure to do it he just likes being up there as it massages his ego for some reason. It doesn’t do it for me, my priorities are with the kids at the minute (and I am not for one minute saying that women who prioritise their career are shit) I know where this is going 🙄

Infact I salute women that manage it as I really don’t have the mental capacity to do it. I am literally drained every day.