another MIL one

[britneyleah]

AIBU for thinking it’s a bit wrong of MIL to not even consider helping out?

DP and I just had a baby, 15 week old, we didn't want to baptise until next year but due to religious reasoning (im not going to go into, because i know a lot of people on here aren't religious) we decided it best to baptise DS this year.

i'm not asking, nor expecting help, after all it's our baby, therefore our responsibility; however, MIL has made it clear a couple times she needs to save up money to help her niece out with her child's baptism. she's stressed how she wants to help her niece pay for the event (which i think is nice). AIBU to think she could've just asked if we were ok and set up, if we needed help? obviously unless in desperate measures, we wouldn't want help, again, it's our baby, and was our choice to baptise on short notice (hence everything is a lot harder to organise and a lot more expensive) so it's our responsibility, but wouldn't it have been nice to have her ask if we needed help?

MIL helps out a lot, don't get me wrong, she offers to help with buying milk, nappies and has bought DS so many things, we truly are blessed!

sometimes i feel i'm being selfish for feeling a little upset she didn't ask if we needed help and offers it quite obviously to her niece, for everyone to hear?

AIBU? i'm hoping to hear i'm not selfish, or i am to maybe get me to shake up and get over it!!

Your mil does not have the right to make you spend £4000 on a party. You have much more important things to spend the money on.

If she wants the party she can pay for it. If you are paying you limit it to what you can afford.

Have your child baptised only if your faith is important to you and your DP and you will raise your child in faith at home.

A baptism normally takes place in the weeks or months immediately following a baby's birth.

The date should suit you and your DP and the priest and church. Beyond that, just tell people when it is happening. It will suit them, or not.

Beyond the baby, the baby's parents, the godparents and the priest it is not necessary to invite any extras. Even one of the godparents can have a stand-in on the day if unavailable. Of course, it would be lovely to have all the grandparents and close family members there too.

A baptism in the church does not cost money, though it is usual to gift the priest and sacristan some money. You can borrow a Christening robe or buy one inexpensively, ours came from M&S, the robe that DH was christened in was not offered to us by its custodian.

If you are in the UK or Ireland, any guests you invite will be happy to go back to your home afterwards for a cup of tea and some nice cake and sandwiches. If you are planning anything more extravagant then bear in mind that your dream of home ownership is getting further and further away from you.

Stop thinking of this other mother as your MIL's DN, she is more like as sister to your DP if she was raised in the same home. Don't give her or your MIL so much headspace. Have a nice baptism for your baby, nice does not mean spending lots of money. We had a very nice DIY celebration at home for close family.

If you're really religious, shouldn't you have got married before the birth? Even at the registry office at first? You, for the second time, have the cart before the horse. I think you should concentrate on getting married before holding the baptism.

Also, most baptisms I know just have the parents and godparents there, at that's it. No party afterwards, maybe just sandwiches at home for the godparents. Going to all this frivolous expense is a complete waste of money when you should be using it to get married. You have your priorities back to front. Cancel the baptism and use the money to get married. THEN concentrate on the baptism.