Hand me downs - I feel so ungrateful

[Starbeach]

Firstly you have to understand we took along time to get pregnant and this is likely to be our only child as not sure we can afford anymore fertility treatment.

But the reason I feel so ungrateful is we are having a girl and so many people are giving us stuff but for starters its from their boys. I know babies are expensive and Im happy to have certain things given to us sterilisers etc but some stuff I just want to choose myself for our little girl and not have what is given to us as we are unlikely to go through this again and its not like we cant afford to buy things even if some of it is second hand at least we have the choice of what stuff we want to buy. Added to this is that some of the stuff that has been given to us is dirty and the stuff friends and family cant seem to shift so they are now just dumping it on us. We are yet to be given anything I actually like or feel comfortable giving to our DD.

There is only so much I can say my mum has bought us just as an excuse. I dont know how to say sorry we cant take it but I dont want to be lumbered with all this stuff we have to get rid of

I have to say that we do get good quality stuff generally.

Neither that nor spag bol would be appropriate tbf 😆

You can also just say No if you would rather, most people wont care in the slightest.

People do care though. And 9 times out of 10 then are just bundling up stuff they want shot of.

It's a lot of work to sort through lots of black bin liners of second hand clothes when most of them are tatty and not asked for by OP.

It's the "friends" that turn up having cleared out their loft and dump the bags that is annoying as it's added work that OP doesn't welcome for something she didn't ask for.

I love second hand clothes but also didnt dress my brand newborn baby with them. Not until my DCs were older and by then I had my own second hand clothes to pass onto next baby. I only said yes once my DCs were toddlers..

There's a difference between being given a couple of cute second hand outfits by a well meaning friend and being given multiple black bin liners!

It's perfectly ok to say "oooh we don't have room for that (bin liners full) and am too heavily pregnant to carry those down to charity shop, a couple baby girls outfits would be nice but I can't store all of that. Thankyou but we really can't take that"

It's the ones that dump stuff uninvited on your porch that annoy me! When most of it is tatty and well worn.
When I give stuff to people I only put in really nice pieces say 'go through it now and take what you want and I take away the rest to charity shop, I'll help'.

I disagree that they care, most are just looking to pass on to anyone, saying no doesn't offend them in the slightest (maybe we run with different groups of friends if yours do?).

I do get bags and bags as we have many friends with kids slightly older than mine, it used to be a hassle but now that I go through them as soon as they enter the house it's pretty easy.

I do agree that unasked for bags give me the shits, my neighbour's sister op shops a lot and brings us a bag or three every time, her taste is somewhat 'tarty' in clothes and most of it goes right back out the door but the rest of my friends have similar tastes so it works well.