To be angry at how no heartbeat private scan was handled?

[elzober]

MMC at 11 weeks despite three previous healthy scans. I'm a bit of a mess right now so maybe I'm just looking for an outlet and to get angry at someone but the private scan place that discovered the lack of heartbeat really didn't handle the situation well the more I think about it...

I'd been there before so I knew the routine but this time the sonographer said nothing and didn't put it on the big screen. When she finally turned to me, all she would say is 'I think you need an internal scan at the hospital'. I replied that I was supposed to be nearly 12 weeks so surely a standard ultrasound could see something and reminded her that she'd done 2 previous scans on me this way but she just kept repeating about internal.

They wouldn't tell me a single thing. I appreciate this is not a diagnostic place and a hospital always has to confirm anything but some level of honesty and openness about what they thought was happening would have been better than refusing to discuss and using euphemisms that were hard to decipher like 'you need an internal scan to see things better'.

I obviously imagined the worst but they wouldn't answer any questions and I left the place confused and unsure of what was going on. They wrote down findings of scan and put it in a sealed envelope that was only meant for the drs at the hospital (not me) and told me to go to a&e.

When I got to the hospital I wasn't entirely sure what to tell them as I hadn't been given any definitive information and had minimal symptoms so I just told them 'I think it's a miscarriage', the doctor was absolutely appalled at how it had been handled and finally had to be the one to tell me what was in the sealed envelope four hours later and confirm no heartbeat or movement.

AIBU to feel angry and like I was treated like a bit of a moron? Or is this just grief and high emotions?

I'm tempted to leave a bad review on them about all this but I've stopped myself while it's still raw.

Handled terribly and also I’d have immediately opened the envelope! I’m sorry for your loss.

Are the people at these places actually sonographers for pregnancy or is it like a non medical thing?

YANBU and i'm truly sorry for your loss and that you had to go through this.

They should have a clear procedure about this and if this is it it isnt sufficient.

I think saying ' I can't see a heartbeat but that doesn't mean there isn't one. In these circumstances we ask people to go along to the hospital to check ' with some likely fake reassurance that the hospital equipment is better/clearer/positions change etc. But ultimately you know.

At least you then know what to half expect and why you're going along rather than leaving you in the dark.

They should make clear to women at the start of the wcan if they find anything they will ask you to attend the hospital. So you're aware it may be a consequence.

No one likes to break bad news. But surely their staff should be trained on how to handle it better than this.

you poor thing, especially after the reassurance of previous scans.

Your post does sum up, however, exactly why I think that those places should be banned. By looking they are taking responsibility for whatever they find, there will always be that risk. Unless they are trained to manage that properly they shouldn't be scanning.

I hope you're ok

I’m so sorry.

It seems like they need a more compassionate procedure at the private place, but they’re probably worried about people’s reactions too.

The sealed envelope thing is awful.

I hope you can find the space to grieve the way you need to.

I’m sorry for your loss and that you have been treated so appallingly by the private scan centre. You could consider a formal complaint to the company to try and change procedure going forwards, but for now I think your efforts are best placed dealing with your grief. 💐

To be honest I really hate these private scan places. They’re no good for anything unless everything’s fab. So for something like a find out the sex scan or whatever I guess they’d be okay but otherwise I dislike them. However, I would imagine part of the issue is they’re not proper medical establishments so won’t handle things like this correctly. I’m sorry you had to go through such an unpleasant experience though. Awful.

The one we use is NHS sonographers who do shifts when they are aren't working at the hospital. The same woman did my private early scan and 12-week scan.

Sorry, OP, it sounds rotten

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I believe she was a qualified sonogropher. In previous healthy scans she showed me measurements and heartbeat. Obviously its not a hospital and it's mainly for dating/ reassurance but I would have expected them to say 'I'm sorry we can't see a heartbeat this time, please go to the hospital to get this checked further'

Not sure how other private scan places handle these situations. I guess these people arent trained properly in hiw to deal with these things either.

They wrote down findings of scan and put it in a sealed envelope that was only meant for the drs at the hospital (not me) and told me to go to a&e

Given that the envelope had information relating to your health, they've got a damn cheek telling you not to open it!

I was told ‘I’m am so sorry but I can’t see a heartbeat.’ Then I had to see myself out in tears. Not sure there’s any great way to reveal the news but I agree that delaying it for four hours and putting it in an envelope as if it were a secret that somehow didn’t quite involve you is poor. Sorry for your loss. 💐

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sadly this is going to happen so the clinic really should have an appropriate protocol in place. Even if they say we're not allowed to confirm but we suspect this is the case and this is the next steps. The next steps should not be A&E , I'd expect them to be familiar with local protocol and if you can self refer to EPU or equivalent, give you contact details etc.
I've had several loses, one sonographer asked me if I wanted her to say what she'd seen or if I wanted to wait for the doctor to tell me, I thought that was very fair and I chose for her to tell me rather than wait.
Is the clinic registered with anyone ? Cqc etc? I'd be reporting them (& as a medic myself I don't say that lightly)

Although having rethought it I don’t think it would do any harm to get in touch with the place and make them aware of how poorly it was handled. But I’d worry that they might give the standard ‘x is not a medical establishment and therefore cannot give medical diagnosis blah blah blah’ and it would make you feel even more rubbish.

I'm sorry for your loss, that must have been awful to have an envelope handed to you and nothing further. The only thing I can think, was maybe she couldn't answer any specific questions on it in case you had some. I'm not agreeing with what happened at all, just trying to think why they would do that.

Why didn’t you open the envelope?!

I'm so sorry, I've had that experience too and it's so awful xx

Thanks for all your comments. I'm doing ok but don't think it's hit me yet as no symptoms and still need to do medical management on Monday.

If I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again, I will never use a private scan place. This has just shown me that they are not qualified enough to handle these situations.

I've heard of other places where they are at least able to be honest about what they can see

They should obviously have a better procedure. I am guessing they refuse to say in case they are wrong and are then sued for causing unnecessary distress. They need to be explaining before the scan that they may not detect a heart beat and that in case of any problem they need to refer to the hospital for confirmation.

I'm not sure really, I think I was in shock and just got into this mentality they were suggesting that the report is just for the doctor.

They also included the scan pictures in the envelope and I couldn't bring myself to look at them.

I think thats the issue with the private scan places tbh. It's all good until something is wrong.

And I'm so sorry you've been through this.

Referring to why I didn't open envelope

You have been treated appallingly. Pls do complain.

I also hate private scanning facilities UNLESS part of a private hospital, and the person carrying out the scan is a sonographer and not a technician. I really do advise pregnant women to avoid them. If heaven forbid there is bad news to impart, you would want this to be done by a medical professional in the same manner as an NHS sonographer, not in the same shambolic manner that the OP unfortunately experienced.

That's shocking.

They should be trained to handle these things sensitively.

All they needed to do was be completely honest and say they couldn't locate a heartbeat, but couldn't confirm if it was a miscarriage and need to refer to the hospital to do a full checkup.

So sorry for your loss

private scan places like window to the womb are an absolute joke. They are good for 4D scans and fun. They are not good for any actual medical scans, and for those sorts of things you need to pay to go to a private hospital eg the Portland, where you are in an actual medical capacity.

that said, there is no excuse for the poor handling and you should complain, to them as well as online etc. I’m very sorry for your loss.

I am sorry for your loss.
I don't know if the handling of the matter would leave me feeling any different about dreadful news. Perhaps she lacked confidence in her own ability to 100% confirm the worst result so she wanted a doctor to double check. Isn't the main thing that she took it seriously enough to persuade you to go to the hospital without delay (just in case there was anything they could do)? Perhaps her insurance terms discouraged her from definitively crossing that line and she is tasked with handling it in such a way.
I do not know if she is a medical professional or not but some of them do not have the people skills you would hope. I have been on the receiving end of it myself when my mum died. She delivered the news to me exactly like a recorded message despite having met me several times during that period.