To be angry at how no heartbeat private scan was handled?

[elzober]

MMC at 11 weeks despite three previous healthy scans. I'm a bit of a mess right now so maybe I'm just looking for an outlet and to get angry at someone but the private scan place that discovered the lack of heartbeat really didn't handle the situation well the more I think about it...

I'd been there before so I knew the routine but this time the sonographer said nothing and didn't put it on the big screen. When she finally turned to me, all she would say is 'I think you need an internal scan at the hospital'. I replied that I was supposed to be nearly 12 weeks so surely a standard ultrasound could see something and reminded her that she'd done 2 previous scans on me this way but she just kept repeating about internal.

They wouldn't tell me a single thing. I appreciate this is not a diagnostic place and a hospital always has to confirm anything but some level of honesty and openness about what they thought was happening would have been better than refusing to discuss and using euphemisms that were hard to decipher like 'you need an internal scan to see things better'.

I obviously imagined the worst but they wouldn't answer any questions and I left the place confused and unsure of what was going on. They wrote down findings of scan and put it in a sealed envelope that was only meant for the drs at the hospital (not me) and told me to go to a&e.

When I got to the hospital I wasn't entirely sure what to tell them as I hadn't been given any definitive information and had minimal symptoms so I just told them 'I think it's a miscarriage', the doctor was absolutely appalled at how it had been handled and finally had to be the one to tell me what was in the sealed envelope four hours later and confirm no heartbeat or movement.

AIBU to feel angry and like I was treated like a bit of a moron? Or is this just grief and high emotions?

I'm tempted to leave a bad review on them about all this but I've stopped myself while it's still raw.

I think I will look into this in any subsequent pregnancies. I'll now be intensely anxious and it will be hard to relax and enjoy any of it.

I'm in Wales though so not sure what services are like here.

I believe they are all supposed to be registered with the CQC, like all healthcare facilities. But a BBC News investigation into the private scan places a couple of years back uncovered some terrible practices at some of them.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-54527595.amp

I’m sorry OP, both for your loss and the horrible experience at the clinic. That’s terrible treatment and just so infantilising. How difficult would it have been to explain what they’d found and say it needed to be confirmed by the EPU?

That sounds awful, I'm so sorry you had that experience. People in these roles should always be sensitive to others and given proper training but clearly doesnt happen

So sorry for your loss OP. I've been where you are now and it's awful.

The private scan place handled it appallingly. If you can, then please do complain, but appreciate you may have limited capacity for complaining right now.

For what it's worth with my pregnancy with DD2 (when I was 42) I used an excellent private scanning clinic which gave me great reassurance and also did the early blood test for abnormalities which also reassured me. As I'd had 4 miscarriages by then I was very anxious and they were incredibly sympathetic and professional. Not all private scanning places are the same.

I’m sorry OP, both for your loss and the horrible experience at the clinic. That’s terrible treatment and just so infantilising. How difficult would it have been to explain what they’d found and say it needed to be confirmed by the EPU?

@MissChanandlerBong80 Infantilising is the perfect word. They made me feel silly and confused with the lack of info, I would never have expected a definitive diagnosis but please treat me like an adult and give me info about what's happening in my body

If you are going to sell reassurance scans then you've got a bloody moral obligation to at least be decent when you can't reassure people

@JustLyra this is so succinct and exactly how I would phrase to the scan place.

@Noreallynotgoingto the way that sonographer handled it sounds appalling. Completely awful approach and lack of empathy. However, to help you understand some of the concrete actions - diagnosis of fetal death in NHS requires two professionals to observe it and also requires an internal scan, no matter the gestation. I had a loss at 12 weeks and that required an internal by 2 separate people. But there's no way any of the rest of what she did or her approach was okay.

@theemperorhasnoclothes your post gives me hope if you had success at 42 after 4 losses. I'm recently turned 35 and we seem to get pregnant quickly but ectopic and miscarriage has me down. Hoping its just bad luck as we are generally healthy and no underlying conditions

I even had fertility acupuncture this time which seemed to help

Im so so sorry for your loss. I wanted to post because I remember being told once at a private scanning place (before the appointment) that if anything was abnormal, they cannot tell me as they need a doctor to confirm and direct the intervention required, and that I'd need to go back to my hospital to get diagnosis/confirmation.
I'm guessing the horrible way you had to deal with it was because of that. So at least you can know it's not personal.
But at least I was given a heads up that it could turn sour like this. I really think they need to make this sort of stuff very clear beforehand as its really damaging otherwise.

Hi OP, firstly I am so sorry for your loss and what you've been through. I agree it should have been handled much better.

I just wanted to give another side to a private scan that went wrong. I was 27 weeks and wanted a 4D scan with my second DD as I knew this would be my last pregnancy. It was an obstetrician who scanned me and when he discovered an issue he was very honest with me what that was (cord flow and placenta issues/possible failure) and insisted I go straight to the maternity unit. He spent ages with me explaining what was on the screen and the different readings. My DD was delivered by emergency C-section a few days later. I believe he saved her life tbh.

I would take some time before doing anything, but then I'd definitely make a complaint to the clinic. Like another pp said, there must be a procedure in place for this and I'd want to know if that was followed. If it was, it needs looking at again!

Again, I am.so sorry💐

I’m very sorry OP 💐
Perhaps when you feel stronger you could give them feedback/complain.

i had a different experience in that k went for a private scan about 7/8 weeks. There was a heartbeat but measurements were small for dates. She asked me to come back a week later but said it was encouraging there was a heartbeat, maybe my dates were wrong. etc etc. she said she’d scan me again a week later (no extra charge) to make sure.

it was a long week. At the time I googled and came on here and I knew I couldn’t be that wrong about my dates and that it was kind of 50/50 whether all would be ok.
when she rescanned me she was open and honest and told me she couldn’t see a heart beat any longer and the foetus hadn’t grown. She seemed genuinely upset and said she was surprised because of the heart beat the week before. She got me the telephone numbers of the EPU and sent me away with the reports. She was apologetic that I’d probably have to be scanned twice by the NHS as they wouldn’t officially accept private scan findings. She was right about this and it was distressing having it drawn out further after I knew the heartbeat had stopped.

in the end I had a d & c (or ercp is it called?) which was fine and I conceived again a few months later.

@elzober i had a quick Google and “continuity of care” is mentioned in the Welsh 2019 “vision for maternity care” so hopefully available in your area. Wishing you the best for recovery from this experience.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

They handled it pretty shit, I’d definitely complain. Especially considering it could stop another woman going through the same thing. Also pretty appalled at your EPU, I had a bit of spotting at 11 weeks and I was seen within the hour at my EPU, I think it’s really poor of your trust.

Please do complain if you have the energy. I complained about how my miscarriage was handled at an NHS hospital. I was admitted into A&E in the early hours for a massive bleed at 13 weeks. I was actually due in for my first scan that same day, so the A&E doctor just discharged me once they determined I wasn't in danger of a haemorrhage and sent me on my way to the scan. They could have phoned down or something, but they didn't so I sat and waited with the happy pregnant people. After it was confirmed I had to again sit in the main waiting room with the happy pregnant people and was then given a badly photocopied leaflet to read about pregnancy loss. So badly photocopied it was almost unreadable.

OP I’m so sorry for your loss and experience.
I used a private scan place when I fell pregnant accidentally after a full term stillbirth. They could tell me that there was no sign of a heartbeat etc and suggested I go to the EPU. I was 7 weeks I think.
honestly the private scan place were very honest and better than the EPU who left me waiting for over 24 hours etc in the unit where other women who were pregnant were. But I also understand the limitations of the NHS facilities.
they definitely should have said something to you. I bet it’s the don’t want a very upset person leaving while happy hopefuls are in the waiting room. Also it’s probably true that over a certain gestation period they need a doctor to confirm and they didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily if they were wrong

My experience was also awful but in an opposite way. It was IVF so i had a scan in the private fertility clinic at 8 weeks. They told me that there was no fetal pole and no heartbeat and referred me to a maternity hospital to manage the miscarriage. We were devastated. However when the hospital scanned me they found the fetal pole and a strong heartbeat. In my case baby was measuring behind and I did eventually miscarry at 11 weeks but it was very distressing at that first scan to be told my baby was dead when they were very much alive.
I think the suggestion a pp had of saying "I can't find a heartbeat, that doesn't mean there isn't one but you should go to the hospital for a better scan" is a good line.

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the way it was handled.

I am so sorry for your loss OP. When I was 17 weeks pregnant 22 years ago I was sent up to the hospital for a scan because the midwife couldn’t hear a heartbeat. When I got there a doctor and the sonographer were arguing behind the door with the sonographer saying it wasn’t the right day for pregnancy scans and she didn’t want to do it! I could hear every word. When I went in she wouldn’t look at me, just did the scan and then said flatly ‘there’s no heartbeat’. No sympathy or kindness at all. I was then sent to wait in a side room on my own - after 45 minutes I went to the reception desk and asked what was happening. They looked shocked - they’d obviously forgotten about me. I eventually saw a doctor and then drove myself home. I was in such shock that I never complained and I really wish I had - there is no way that women should be treated in this way at such a traumatic time.

I had private scans last year, and there was NICE guidance on the walls about what they’d do in different situations. I’m sure that in the event of something being wrong, it said it’d refer you to the hospital but that they couldn’t diagnose you or share further information.

She may have followed procedure, if that’s the case. It sounds like a stupid one, in my opinion, but I suppose if she needed to refer you as she couldn’t detect a heartbeat and felt an internal scan was needed to confirm, then leaving the diagnosis to the hospital makes sense. It just doesn’t feel very humane.

For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, @elzober ❤️

I'm so sorry for your loss OP and you were treated terribly.

Something similar happened to me at my 12 week scan in an NHS hospital. The scan was going well and everything seemed ok with DD. The sonographer then moved the doppler and there was a really obvious 'mass'. The sonographer gasped and literally ran from the room leaving me and DH thinking WTF. I was convinced that I had a huge tumour. Eventually she returned with another member of staff who took over and told me that I'd miscarried DD's twin a week or 2 earlier.

I spend weeks being incredibly angry with how I'd been treated but in hindsight, it was easier being angry than having to deal the rest of my emotions.

Sending (((hugs))). There isn't a good way to hear news like that, but that sounds very badly handled.

I think part of it is probably them not having the relevant specialists at the private place.
When I had my 20 week scan with dd they found she was missing her hand, which is relatively minor disability, but still a shock. She poked around quite a bit then said "I'm just going to get a second opinion."
I knew immediately that there must be something wrong, but dh took it totally on face value and thought she was just literally wanting someone else to look before she said all was okay.
The specialist was in within 5 minutes and confirmed her hand was missing, and we were then taken to talk to the paediatrician. From point where it was clear there was something not right (to me) to seeing the paediatrician and being given an appointment to meet the specific hospital was less than 15 minutes. So the time in limbo wasn't there.
The point waiting for the first specialist because we didn't know what had happened was definitely the worst part.

That's actually not too far from what you had except you had to go elsewhere for the second opinion, and because they couldn't speak directly, they had to write it down.

I do think that they probably should in your case said something more as you had to wait so long.

Exactly this. If they’re happy to take people’s money for a service, they should be able to provide adequate support and signposting to those individuals when things go wrong.

Having said that, I’ve had friends have really poor experiences with NHS scans as well. One had an early scan after some bleeding and was filled with hope by the sonographer that everything was normal. Then when she went for the follow up scan the following week and was told there was no heartbeat, the sonographer said “yeeeeah, I knew after I saw you last week it wouldn’t do.”

So sorry for your loss, I have been in your position twice. Never had private scan though. But had an nhs scan at 6 then 10 weeks, everything fine. A week before my 12 week scan I started bleeding. Miscarriage. Devastated. Plus I had told parents I was expecting. Eventually fell pregnant with my son, still bleed every month for the first 5 months. Didn’t enjoy my pregnancy one bit. So stressed. Had a healthy baby boy, then a year later fell pregnant with my daughter. I feel for you it’s devastating. You’ll get your rainbow.

I've said before, I’m American, so I have to first say that I don’t know anything at all about UK laws. I know that here, in some states, a sonographer can lose their license for “diagnosing” anything. They are required to get a doctor to “diagnose”, even when it is an obvious event.

That said, your sonographer should have said something. Anything. It would have been better to say something along the lines of “baby isn’t moving around for me. You really need an internal exam”. Just say enough to give you a hint at what bad news may be coming your way, and acknowledge that you are a human, too. I am so sorry it was handled so poorly.

@LaBelleSauvage123

i am extremely sorry for your loss - from an outside perspective When I got there a doctor and the sonographer were arguing behind the door with the sonographer saying it wasn’t the right day for pregnancy scans and she didn’t want to do it! I could hear every word. When I went in she wouldn’t look at me, just did the scan and then said flatly ‘there’s no heartbeat’. No sympathy or kindness at all - this sounds to me like your sonographer had just lost a baby and that’s why you were treated like this. Doesnt help you but she did try to get out of scanning you!

Yes I did wonder this at the time as her behaviour was so odd.