To be angry at how no heartbeat private scan was handled?

[elzober]

MMC at 11 weeks despite three previous healthy scans. I'm a bit of a mess right now so maybe I'm just looking for an outlet and to get angry at someone but the private scan place that discovered the lack of heartbeat really didn't handle the situation well the more I think about it...

I'd been there before so I knew the routine but this time the sonographer said nothing and didn't put it on the big screen. When she finally turned to me, all she would say is 'I think you need an internal scan at the hospital'. I replied that I was supposed to be nearly 12 weeks so surely a standard ultrasound could see something and reminded her that she'd done 2 previous scans on me this way but she just kept repeating about internal.

They wouldn't tell me a single thing. I appreciate this is not a diagnostic place and a hospital always has to confirm anything but some level of honesty and openness about what they thought was happening would have been better than refusing to discuss and using euphemisms that were hard to decipher like 'you need an internal scan to see things better'.

I obviously imagined the worst but they wouldn't answer any questions and I left the place confused and unsure of what was going on. They wrote down findings of scan and put it in a sealed envelope that was only meant for the drs at the hospital (not me) and told me to go to a&e.

When I got to the hospital I wasn't entirely sure what to tell them as I hadn't been given any definitive information and had minimal symptoms so I just told them 'I think it's a miscarriage', the doctor was absolutely appalled at how it had been handled and finally had to be the one to tell me what was in the sealed envelope four hours later and confirm no heartbeat or movement.

AIBU to feel angry and like I was treated like a bit of a moron? Or is this just grief and high emotions?

I'm tempted to leave a bad review on them about all this but I've stopped myself while it's still raw.

I also dislike these places. I’m fairly sure they all used qualified sonographers or doctors. So the staff are all trained to know what they’re looking at and also how to break bad news. However individual places will have different protocols for if they tell people , how they tell people if at all.

I guess some places have a protocol not to tell people in case they’re wrong and then they can’t be sued for a misdiagnosis?

I’ve heard of similar stories before. Or people been told bad news very bluntly and then shown the door. Including one woman who was at a pop up place at the BabyShow at the NEC.

thank god you didn’t open the envelope, I probably would have done and been by myself in a car park, etc trying to deal with finding that out!

@elzober I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve had 4 recurrent miscarriages and they were all found at private scans. The sonographers have always told me exactly what they have found- size of baby, yolk sac, signs of uterine lining breaking down, position of the sac etc. i think it’s absolutely disgusting that they didn’t tell you. Definitely make a complaint if/when you feel ready x

I would also have opened the envelope. Nobody would get to write stuff like this about me behind my back, and in plain sight. That's just cheeky fuckery.

Your medical records do not need to be confidential from you.

Badly handled by the clinic, and I am very sorry you are going through this.

I am so very sorry for your loss and I hope you are doing as okay as you can be.

With regards to the private scan company, they probably have some kind of blanket procedure on place. I'd be inclined to provide feedback as oppose to complain. Unfortunately some women would have issues with the bad news being delivered by a "non medical" person (so to speak) so I do think it's a bit of a no win situation for the company.

Is there a reason you'd had so many previous scans if you don't mind me asking? Please feel free not to answer as I realise my question could be construed as offensive

Yesterday i had a scan on my twins- the consultant was excellent. He did the first one which was the healthy one before the 2nd. He popped a hand on mine and quietly said I’m really sorry I can’t detect a heartbeat. He did it so sensitively and I so admire him for it. Yes I had tears but I had prepared myself for a loss and it was lovely to think I had no medical intervention to end a life. Take lots of care OP so sorry for your loss.

Is there a reason you'd had so many previous scans if you don't mind me asking?

yes, its ok to ask. I had a non surgical ectopic last year so was very nervous and paranoid about another loss. This was my second pregnancy and I was hopeful.

I was starting to feel better as I approached 12 week mark but got some mild spotting and EPU couldn't see me until folliwing Tuesday. Something didn't feel right and I wanted to know - in hindsight, perhaps waiting was better but spotting is now worse and EPU is closed at weekend so it would have been a very anxioys wait.

Unfortunately the people who do these scans are not qualified in anything other than how to use the machine. These places are only concerned with making money, I've heard so many similar stories from friends.
I'm sorry for your loss and the experience you suffered. 😊🌹

Terribly handled! I'm so sorry for your loss.
A private scan found an anomaly at 21 weeks for me that resulted in my DS being diagnosed with Patau Syndrome and they treated me with utmost warmth and humanity, and advised they would have their lead sonographer check and then refer me on to the hospital. They were so human and so kind.
This is absolutely unacceptable and I would consider raising a formal complaint with the provider if you're in the headspace to do so 💐

I don't think it is exclusively to do with the clinic being private. My experience was on the NHS. They have feedback procedures in place but it is a waste of time because they certainly don't follow through. I decided that it was best to move on rather than dwelling on it.

You poor thing, EPU's are woefully underfunded and incredibly oversubscribed (spent a fair bit of time there, sadly). I'm sorry that that you couldn't be seen where you should have been.

It's such a terrible experience to go through [again] I hope you have good real life support and that the EPU can provide the practical support you need.

Keep well.

I'm sorry for what you've gone through. But let me guess - are these private scan places unregulated?
They didn't even exist when I had my 2 DCs.

You’re right op they handled it badly.

I’m surprised they don’t have a conversation prepared for a bad news scenario as miscarriages are common. You can’t just refuse to say anything to the woman, that’s just unprofessional.

I think anyone can get a machine and set up a clinic as far as I'm aware. Should definitely be regulated more

I’m so sorry. 💐
I don’t think my third mc scan was handled as well as it could have been ( and I love that hospital ) - the sonographer didn’t say anything for quite a while. She did eventually say what she could and couldn’t see but I didn’t like the silence.
When I had the early scan for my next pregnancy it was same person. I said to her before she started please just give me the bad news straightaway and she said she would.
I understand why you wanted a scan as quickly as possible but I’m not sure these places are great if the person isn’t allowed to explain anything.

Yes I've heard some terrible stories too.

I also noticed at this scan, they asked me to pay before the scan. For all the others I paid after. I'd booked the scan at very short notice and could help wonder if they change payment procedure in light of this.

I guess it does no good to dwell but I will definitely consider a complaint.

All private scanning centres have to use qualified sonographers to do the scan. You can't just buy an ultrasound machine and rock up, most of them work for the nhs as well, I'd imagine because it's not diagnostic and they can't treat you there that's why they sent you to the epu. But it was handled really appallingly and you should complain

So sorry for your loss op. I think your decision to not use these places again is a good one. Were you particularly anxious, as it sounds like this was the fourth time you went for a scan in 11 weeks? Next time if you feel the same, you could raise the feelings with your GP and midwife to see how to manage the feeling of needing to go for a scan.

I don’t think there’s another way they could handle it, the T&Cs are so rigid about saying anything medical. They wouldn’t take on any liability. If I were in your situation and they’d given me any hope (like some of the PPs suggestions about a hospital looking closer) I would have personally found that crueller. I don’t think these places should be allowed to operate, they prey on uncertainty and anxiety and offer no benefit to the pregnancy (mum or baby).

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

I haven’t had private scans but I have had two mmc. With the first it was too late to wait for it to pass and I had medical management which didn’t work and ended in surgery. With the second I opted straight for surgery.

There’s loads of useful info on the miscarriage board on here and I found it so helpful. Just wanted to say it’s early days and probably still sinking in but if you don’t feel medical management is progressing or you’re scared or in a lot of pain then push for surgical and take all the pain meds they’ll give you. Miscarriage care is a huge postcode lottery and it can be shit so push for what you need from the EPU and keep on at them if it’s not going okay.

Sending love and loads of sympathy.

Hi just saw your post about reasons for scans. Most trusts (if you’re in UK) have specialist midwife teams for women who have experienced pregnancy loss or previous difficult pregnancy experiences, this can include weekly midwife appointments. This is separate to midwife unit for perinatal mental health.

Please do complain if you feel up to it.

If you are going to sell reassurance scans then you've got a bloody moral obligation to at least be decent when you can't reassure people.

I'm sorry for your loss

If I were in your situation and they’d given me any hope (like some of the PPs suggestions about a hospital looking closer) I would have personally found that crueller.

I didn't have much hope tbh but my partner became convinced we couldn't be sure until NHS confirmed because of how they'd phrased everything and the fact it was just a place on high street. He seemed quite taken aback when doctor confirmed things 😞

When you feel up to it OP, I’d consider complaining. I had a harrowing experience at a Window to the Womb and place like that deserve every bit of complaint, bad review, trouble coming to them. What they did to you was NOT ok.

Im so so sorry you’re going through this 💐

All sympathies. I was seeing a private obgyn (not in U.K.) and had NIPT test. Was called by his office at 13 weeks gone to be told that doctor would call me in next day or so as the results of NIPT were bad [but unspecified bad in what way]. When he did call and confirmed trisonomy, he then me told that he only dealt with “normal” pregnancies and so whatever I decided, he wouldn’t be able to see me any more. Wouldn’t even refer me anywhere.
I wish you all the very best. FWIW when we lived in London I went to the Foetal Medical Centre on Harley Street. Guy there- Prof Nicolaides, pretty much pioneered the nuchal fold technique and introduced NIPT in u.K. too I think. He oversees and trains lots of fairly senior doctors from overseas. He will see you if you are high risk or very worried. I was really impressed with their work

With the first it was too late to wait for it to pass and I had medical management which didn’t work and ended in surgery. With the second I opted straight for surgery.

@AnneLovesGilbert I'm scared of general anaesthetic so going to opt for medical management but hope it works as terrified of surgical option, Unless they could do it with local. Although I imagine that would be awfull too

So sorry for your loss. I also had two at 12 weeks and the one was handled appallingly by the NHS scanner, who told me abruptly that there was no life and then insisted on an internal scan. Just “get undressed”. I was so shocked I just went along with it, but was angry afterwards, why did they need an internal scan when it was obvious from the external one. She then called in a colleague to have a look at this, isn’t it fascinating about the internal scan. The whole thing was awful and absolutely no sympathy from that dreadful woman at all.